Nov. 4, 2009 - Accepting a challenge when you are scared to death
I have debated in my head about writing this blog. I struggle with self esteem, weight, and depression issues. My life is not balanced, and I am not sure what a balanced life would look like for me. I want to lose about 80 lbs total but I don’t want to become obsessed with it. I want my ds w/ autism to carry on a conversation with a person and this has been the driving force in my life for the last 8 ½ years. I want to teach my children about the word of God, and I don’t want to be so strict or overbearing that they rebel in later years.
I have a darling friend from church that I email my weight to every Monday. Well, she has challenged me to run a 5K. I have never done anything like this in my life. And I have lost 20 of the 80 lbs, but I think that I am so big that I would be an embarrassment to any of my friends. I know in reality that my friends love me and they don’t think that—I still battle those attacks by satan.
I think that one of the biggest lies that we as women buy into is the lie that we have to do it all. And we have to do it all well. I don’t know that I have a weight problem where my weight goes up and down, once I got big, I have stayed big. I believe that my weight problem represents my depression/self esteem problems. When I am sad I eat, and being from the south, I eat gravy and biscuits, pasta, apple pie with ice cream and things of this nature. Writing this is making me hungry. LOL!
When you have a child with special needs you struggle with is it my fault (both parents) and you wonder could I have prevented this. And it is quite an adjustment to give up or set aside your hopes and dreams that you had for that child. And as in our case the first year my husband would not talk to me about it—my weight is not his fault—it’s mine and mine alone. God however taught me that I could depend on Him, and that He would provide all that I and my son would need.
I am grateful that God has been with me through my journey, and I know that I have a long way to go to reach my 60 lb mark. But through Him I can do all things and He will teach me how to balance my life so that it will glorify Him in every way. I believe that lots of women are struggling with self esteem and depression issues and we need to stop hiding from them and ask our friends to pray for us, and believe that God loves us. When I did the study by Beth Moore- Believing God, that was one of the best blessing of my life, I pray that I can make that study a daily practice in my life.
If God lays it on your heart set aside one day and pray for your women friends wether they homeschool or not.
Comments
Nov. 5, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by 2boysmom
I think you can do the 5K!! I will tell you, from someone who never does anything like that, but should, I would be so proud of you, especially because of your size. Do you know how much of an accomplishment that would be - just to make the effort? And you will feel so good about it after you're done.
Part of getting older is stretching ourselves in ways that we never thought we could.
Speaking of Beth Moore - the one and only time I saw her in person, she said something that had such an impact on me. She said that when we feel God calling us to do something, we will be scared, but we need to do it anyway. Do it scared - she said.
By the way - I'm from the South too and food is a problem down here!! I need to lose about 40 lbs myself. So you're not alone!
God bless you and I'll be looking for that post about your running experience!
(p.s. I'm adding you as a friend)
Debbie
