Aug. 21, 2008 - Amazing Grace!
My friend Jenny is always telling me I should write a book as I convey stories of catastrophe and/or humor on a daily basis on our walks in the early morning. I think this blog will be the extent to which that may occur. I’ve always loved to write—I used to journal, now I blog mostly, I like to write letters as opposed to emails and I prefer to make my cards rather than purchase them—but I don’t ever have enough time to write as much as I would like. With that said, I also “love” to do many other activities and if given the time would probably want to participate in all of them and therefore be no more invested in writing. So, one day you may visit me, many children and grandchildren (I hope) down the road and on my coffee table will lay a stack of 3 hole punched printouts from my blog in a lovely hand decorated office binder.
Geoff has been away at an important meeting in VA all week and of course if you keep up with my family, you know that spells disaster from the get-go. But truly, God is amazing as I see his hand at work and taking care of me even in these times and I praise him that most of our disasters are very minor when put into perspective.
Before I get into my week, I have to share an enormous praise. I have been struggling for a long time, in fact I can’t think of a time I haven’t struggled, with the concept of forever. I know what you’re thinking… What? I would go through periods where the idea would taunt me because my little brain can’t grasp it and desperately wants to. It’s one of those mysteries that no one understands and yet so many just accept in Faith. Not I. In fact over the past year or so, the fear of the whole concept has nearly rendered me paralyzed at times with anxiety or a full-fledged panic attack. It really has become a serious problem for me. A couple weeks ago I was in my van with the kids and Anne asked the question “How long will we be in heaven with Jesus?” I answered “forever and ever, always we’ll be there”. That was all it took for my head to spin out of control and nearly send us into a stone wall on the side of the road. I was literally in the midst of a panic attack within a ½ second of answering her question. It’s very strange because many times I have to be dwelling on the issue (which believe me I try everything not to do) in order to get that worked up about it. But for the next couple miles home I was praying out loud and trying to be calm and even speaking to myself to “calm down, everything is fine…” Poor Anne kept asking what was wrong and I just kept saying “nothing sweetie, everything is going to be ok.” That was when I realized I may actually need professional help. By now you’re thinking—what kind of psycho is this lady? But no, I really am a stable person—mostly =). I went to God in prayer about it which I’ve done thousands of times before but this time was different. I pleaded, and cried and begged that he would remove this ridiculous fear. I haven’t had an issue since. Of course I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on the issue either although it’s awful tempting to “check” if I’m healed completely. But of course, that is ridiculous as well because it proves once again that I’m not trusting God. But I will say the subject has come up on numerous occasions and I can’t describe the peace or calm I feel about it when it does. It’s unlike anything I’ve felt before. Why am I still surprised when these types of things occur in my life? Because like Israel, I forget His marvelous works, His grace and mercy, His love. Praise God that like Israel I am brought back, forgiven, and made new.
This past weekend we went camping in CT. It was a great time—aside from a few minor kinks which had they not happened it wouldn’t have been a Short Family Outing. When we were setting up the tent we spotted a garter snake and about a million frogs (aka toads) I know for all of you biology buffs, I do know the difference but doesn’t it sound so much better to say frog? The kids were catching so many of these baby “frogs” and they would make these cute little habitats for them in the plastic cups we had. They would throw in some grass and pebbles—they even caught a couple of spiders so the frogs would have some munchies. I suddenly realized that my children do appreciate me, even if indirectly. With all the frog coddling and concern for their welfare I knew in my heart that they understood some key things about nurturing, responsibility and love. It needs to be a bit more present when they relate to each other however.
(I do have to share a very ambiguous memory that was sparked by all the frogs. My friend Beth and I were driving back to His Mansion Ministries together from RI and when we got onto the back roads in Deering that particularly rainy night, there were literally hundreds and hundreds of frogs all over the road and you couldn’t avoid hitting them. It seemed to go on for miles. Of course, we’re squealing with laughter and disgust and it was totally terrifying all at the same time. I admit thinking about it now only makes me chuckle. I guess I’m a bit removed from the sadness of it.)
Back to camping: We settled in and made grilled pizzawiches?!? thanks to our MI friends (YUMMO) and smores and had Sophie (our 6mth Shepherd mix) tied to a tree near us. Just as we relaxed she promptly chewed through the next site trailer’s phone line that they had just installed. They were one of those couples who rent for the season and they came out complaining of static on the line. Sure enough, Sophie had severed the line and then it began to rain. So in the rain (yes it poured the whole first night), Geoff was trying to splice the wires. Finally the owner drove by and said he would take care of it the next day. We’re still unsure of the cost of this little incident.
Saturday we had a leisurely morning making breakfast. I was all smugly organized with my bag of blueberries, homemade bag of whole wheat pancake mix, canned peaches to mix with my frozen strawberries—only to realize I’d forgotten the maple syrup AND a bowl to mix the batter in. Well, I can be resourceful. So I mixed everything in a gallon sized Ziploc and we happily ate our lumpy blueberry pancakes with the mixed fruit on top but I was secretly wishing that just this once I had bought the packed in syrup peaches instead of the packed in pear juice ones. Have you ever eaten a REAL whole wheat pancake? Syrup is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.
Saturday night we got the kids into bed around 9:00 and started to unwind by the fire when we received a phone call from our house/dogsitter. Blitz (our 12yr old Shepherd mix) had jaw surgery a week before and his stitches had come out. Ugh. You would think after a week it would be healed but unfortunately by nature of the wet environment and all it wasn’t. So at 10:30 we loaded the kids and all of our bed stuff into the van and drove home. We arrived at midnight and called the animal hospital and with all the bleeding we were told to bring him right in. Geoff took him and I tucked the kids into bed and slept in Anne’s bed while our sitter went back to bed. DH didn’t get home until 2:00 am without Blitz and slept on the couch. It turned out that he had to undergo anesthesia again and his mouth be restitched. He was ready to go at 10:30am and we were able to get back and break down the campsite by 1:15pm—fifteen minutes later than the requested check out time but we did pretty well!
BTW—I will never again go camping without a kid’s potty. I can’t get over how much stress was relieved by not having to walk down to the bathroom at 2:00am—or worse holding it all night because I’m afraid to walk down at 2:00am. For the sake of clarity, yes I was the one that used it in the middle of the night.
I started school on Monday and we seem to be settling into our schedule easily for the most part. The kids seem to even be enjoying the new chore system because they get to wear a cool “badge”. Geoff also left for VA on Monday and that’s always stressful for me. Elle split her bottom lip in the morning climbing a chair. That night after I fed the kids I took Elle outside with me barefoot to water the garden. No, she didn’t cut herself but there are other land mines in our yard to worry about—more on that later. I told the kids when they were done to come outside. They let our dog Sophie in when they came out and I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a shadow in the kitchen window. There was Sophie, completely on top of our kitchen table, drinking from my water glass. I stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds watering my foot. I then ran inside as she hopped down, catapulting my daughters chocolate milk through the air and leaving me with a gigantic mess to clean. She had also licked clean their plates and the pan on the stove of any leftovers. Ugh. On the brightside—she didn’t break anything. My glass remained on the table even though half the table cloth was off of it. I got everyone in the house while I cleaned and about ½ hr later I was getting the kids ready for bed when I noticed the top of one of Elle’s feet was brown. I thought it was dirt. Nope. The smell gave it away instantly. I washed her foot and ignored the OCD parts of me that wanted to run through the house and disinfect everything, and that needed to figure out how it was smeared on the top of her foot to begin with.
Wednesday I was hit with a very strange virus that knocked me off my feet all day. I had terrible pain in my head and pain, chills and achiness down my entire body all day and all night. I was taking pain medication but it was merely taking the edge off. My friend Jenny came over and took care of all my kids from 11:00am until about 4:30. I slept for 3 ½ of those 5 ½ hours and I have no idea what went on the other 2. I was that out of it. It was the weirdest thing. I expected to become nauseous at some point or to get a sore throat indicating a possible flu or bad cold. Nothing. By mid morning today, I was fine. Very Strange. See how good God is though? I was unable to function and with Geoff away I honestly don’t know what I would have done. Jenny has Wednesdays off and usually goes to the beach but decided not to because it wasn’t going to be warm enough for her. Then, our neighbor called and invited Anne to the zoo with her daughter so she wasn’t around until 6:30. God lifts my burdens in many ways— especially through great friends and a helpful, loving husband—and I’m grateful.
