I leave tomorrow for Corpus Christi. I am going to visit with my Dad and frankly talk about the coming months as we deal with his illness and death. Isn't that morbid and really too "frank"?
I don't think I have been this depressed and dark ever before. My mother died when I was 13 and the thought of losing my dad is overwhelming. I go through moments of just crushing sadness; you know the kind where you just sit and stare between sobbing? Then life takes over and I go into automatic mode and can go hours without thinking about it.
Yesterday I was overcome with saddness just for Dad. I just couldn't get past how sad it was that this 55 year old man has had to deal with this for nearly 5 years and hoping for a transplant that will now never come. I thought of his guilt and regrets (too much to post here) and how we might talk about all this. SEDATION PLEASE!
On top of all this I found out my only living grandparent, my dad's dad, is having open heart surgery on July 6th. He is 83 years old and in poor health so we are all praying he will pull through this.
Tomorrow I fly...I absolutely did not want to fly. I hate flying...I actually have to take medication to get on the plane. On top of that I am leaving the kids (and baby) for 3 days - I have never done that. I am going all by myself. THE ANXIETY BUILDS...
Lord give me strength, peace and words of comfort. Be with my family, keep them safe and help my husband.
On another note my sweet son Juan is doing very well. He is making so many break throughs emotionally and his therapist is wonderful. He actually wanted me in his session yesterday and told me he will miss me when I am gone. I love him beyond measure - the Lord is so good.
I won't be posting again until next week.
Blessings,
Tiffany | 
Jul. 2, 2006 - Praying for You