(if you need to, you can go back to the first chapter and scan it to refresh your memory)
The Elders had gathered together in the Meeting House, discussing the matter amongst themselves. The Hall was lit with many flickering candles and lamps, and a fire was crackling in the huge fireplace. It had been long since she had been in this part of the House, and she had forgotten how warm and beautiful is was. There were rugs and chairs and a large table in the center of the Hall, with eight men sitting around it: the Elders, with Trevar sitting off to the side.
Thalionwen and Vanya bowed respectfully, then sat on a couch near Trevar. They would be silent unless they were spoken to.
“There is no time! We must act and post guards around the walls of Tambo. If we do not, Black Elves will be all over the place, casting spells, taking prisoners, and worse!” One argued, passionately.
“Do we even know if it was a Black Elf? It could’ve been a shadow!” Another exclaimed.
“What are the odds? We sent out Thalionwen to find someone, she runs into some of those Black Elves and escapes, and they could be trying to attack her again. We must not only protect her but also the entire village!” Another Elder said.
Being that Trevar was next to be an Elder, he could add to the discussions. “Let’s ask Thalionwen what she said and did, and then decide what we should do.”
“But you told us what she told you.” An Elder replied.
“I’d like to hear it from her own lips. Thalionwen, step forward, please.” An Elder replied. For a brief moment Thalionwen did not move: it was an honor to discuss matters with the Elders, and she wondered if she were dreaming. She walked to the table and told them all what she had seen and said to the Black Elves; she told them the location where she was, how many Elves she supposed there were, and other possibly vital facts that the Elders wanted.
After hearing what she had said, the Elders sat quietly in thought. There was such a long silence that Thalionwen became quite restless and shifted her weight; she turned around and looked at Vanya, who was deep in thought, as well. Finally, the Elder who had allowed Thalionwen to talk spoke:
“It is interesting. I know much of the Black Elves, and they detest anyone who stands up them; they want to be the dominant beings in Arganethor. When you told told them off, you angered them. I think we all agree that what you did was right…we do not want them to walk all over you or anyone, but…it put us in a little bit of a situation.”
Thalionwen lowered her head. She felt a twinge of guilt rise in her. The Elder continued: “We will post guards around our walls, and send messengers to the neighboring villages and make them aware of what we might be in for.” He paused to look at the other Elders, who all nodded in agreement. “In the meantime, I will look further into this, and get some letters out. Remember, Thalionwen, we are not angry with you in the least, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Thank you for informing us, and we are glad you are safe.” She bowed and turned around; Vanya stood and they both walked out of the Hall.
“I’m worried, Thali.” Vanya whispered when they were outside. “I’m worried that they might come for you.”
“Don’t be, Van. There’s no use of that. Besides, I’m not too concerned about myself.”
“You should be! The Black Elves are notorious for kidnappings and killings and all that! If I were you, I’d stay inside as much as possible.”
“I can’t live in fear, Vanya. I’ll take precautions, but my thoughts and concerns are of the villagers…I brought this danger upon us.”
“Accidentally, though.” She replied, walking her friend up to her house, where Tod and Leina were waiting, urgently. “I’ll be praying for you, Thalionwen.”
“Thanks.”—she hugged Vanya—“You’re a great friend. Now that I’m here, you go get some sleep.”
“I will. See you in the morning.” Tod let Thalionwen in, but stepped outside for a moment to talk to Vanya. He then closed the door and locked it quickly. He appeared frightened and shook up, like he had seen a ghost, and he spoke to his wife and Thalionwen with a nervous voice.
“We have to leave. Pack some food and a set of clothes.” Thalionwen knew what they were going to do: they were getting out of the village; Thalionwen figured Tod must have discovered something terrible.
“What about Domynik, Vanya, and Trevar?” She asked as she stuffed some clothes and sentimental objects into a bag.
“I was not able to warn Trevar, and even if I did, he would not have left with us. As for Domynik, his family is not in Tambo, so he is coming with us; only Vanya out of her clan will be coming…her family does not believe that Black Elves have come to Tambo.”
Fools! Thalionwen thought.
“We are going to the Swift River. There is a boat waiting there that we shall cross in.”
“Father, Elves have the power to control many substances…including water!” Thalionwen replied.
“Do you propose a better solution?” The air seemed to freeze: Tod had shouted at Thalionwen for the first time. She clamped her mouth shut and obeyed. Thalionwen packed their things in bags and buckled them onto the saddle of their two horses, and Tod led Vanya and her horse over to them.
“We shall walk them over to the river, then get into the boat, and I shall guide them through the water. We will have to hurry, and be very quiet. Are you ready?” He asked in a whispered tone. They all nodded, a mix of fear and worry on their faces in the dark. “Alright then. Vanya, Domynik and Leina will walk out first with Vanya’s horse. Then Thalionwen and I shall guide our two. We shall meet up at the bridge. Now, go.”
It was clear to Thalionwen that she was now scared out of her conscious mind, but fear would not stop her from obeying; there was a mission to accomplish, and she would not risk her parents’ nor her friends’ lives because of her petty fears…which, now occurring to her, weren’t so trifle.
She and Tod waited for Vanya, Domynik, and Leina for a few minutes, giving them a chance to make it safely to the river without be noticed, or, even if they were noticed, there should be no unreasonable suspicion as to why they were traveling, for many travel at night.
Finally, Thalionwen and her father walked quietly out of the barn, and stayed in shadows of the wood. Every step they took, Thalionwen accepted it could possibly be their last, so she made every step count. It seemed like hours for them to reach the bridge, though they were only walking for about ten minutes.
As they walked onto the bridge, moonlight striking it with a glorious glow, Thalionwen realized they were in grave danger.
“We must get off this bridge!” She whispered, sharply. As these words were uttered, she turned her head, and saw four cloaked figures coming out of the dark wood. Their faces were hardly revealed, and they galloped their black horses fast toward the bridge.
There was no time to think! They had to escape. The thought arrived in a split second. “Jump!” She cried, and flung herself backwards over the bridge, and into the gushing, black water.
• February 23, 2008 - x-x
Thalionwen and Vanya bowed respectfully [before sitting down on the] couch near Trevar. They would be silent unless [spoken] to.
An Elder replied. “I’d like to hear it from her own lips. Thalionwen, step forward, please.” An Elder replied.
You really need only one "an Elder replied". Use a different form of speech for the last one.
in thought, as well ----- talk spoke
I think the comma between "thought" and "as well" should go and there should be one between "talk" and "spoke".
and they detest anyone who stands up [to] them;
He then closed the door and locked it quickly. He appeared frightened and shook up, like he had seen a ghost, and he spoke to his wife and Thalionwen with a nervous voice.
You need to combine these sentences.
Thalionwen knew what they were going to do: they were getting out of the village; Thalionwen figured Tod must have discovered something terrible.
You need to reconstruct this sentence.
without [being] noticed
and stayed in [the] shadows of the wood
At the end, you repeated bridge to much, try finding an alternate word. Also, you use comma's too much, cut down on those. Other then that, it was good. :D
Bye-cha. Kayla.