Today the kids and I drove Keith to the airport to say goodbye again.  He had us just drop him off out front.  We've decided that long drawn out teary goodbyes only make things harder on all of us.  It was very hard watching my husband say goodbye to his children.  I can't imagine how he must feel knowing he won't see them again for 4 months.  I don't think I could do it, and yet so many men and women do.  My daughter just kept saying, "I love you daddy" and my son just cried and cried.  Keith watched us leave and all I kept thinking as I watched him in the rear view mirror was backing the car up, loading his bags into the vehicle and driving back home where we could stay a family for a little longer.  Just a little longer.  One more day.

As I checked myself back into reality, we all sobbed the whole way home.  I've decided it's okay to do this in front of the children-for one day.  They need to know that it's okay that we miss daddy and want him to come back home and sometimes getting a good cry out helps.  I went through the Air Force base gate and the guard was extremely rude.  I wanted to get out of the car and spew verbal garbage from my mouth, but I kept a lid on it and drove as fast as the speed limit would allow me so that I could get home, shut the door and hide away for the rest of the day.

As evening is drawing near now, I can see his keys on the countertop, I see his coat hanging by the doorway, his shoes are by the side of the bed and his empty drink can is in the vehicle.  His dirty laundry is in the hamper, a little of his shaven stubble is still behind in the sink (he never does a good job of cleaning it out) and it feels like he's going to walk in the door any second.  But I know that he won't.  He can't.  He's got a job to do that's very important.  I know that I'm going to have to go to bed alone and wake up in the morning and take a "big girl pill" and get on with daily life without him.  It just never gets easier saying goodbye to him.

Along with all of the sad feelings also comes waves and waves of blessings.  (You ALWAYS have to look for the blessings, because they ARE there).  We fell right back into step as a family unit the second my husband stepped off of that plane and into our arms.  We had a wonderful 18 days together and took advantage of every minute.  I held my husband as close as I could to me when we went to bed at night.  I studied his face while he was sleeping, listened to him breathing and felt his heartbeat.  I knew I would need to remember that.  Most people take advantage of that every night.  I don't.  I try not to take anything for granted anymore.  There are so many blessings that come with that alone.

I trust my husband when he says that we are both under the hands of God.  I know that we will get through this deployment and come out stronger on the other side.  Please keep Keith in your prayers as he finishes his last four months there.  I would greatly appreciate it.

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