Dec. 22, 2005 - Discipline and the Strong-willed child |
(first, it's been too long since I've
updated! I procrastinated too long, and all my Christmas
preparations came due at once...)
Tonight I am up late with a sick boy. Or up early? I'm not
sure which it is. A (21 months now) woke up at 3 am, after
vomiting in his bed. For an hour and a half, he would nurse, fall
asleep, then vomit. I'm not sure it's worth going back to bed, as
E will be awake in probably 45 minutes.
So I was posting to a board, responding to a question about a
strong-willed 3 year old. I rambled out some of my thoughts, and
at some point came to a clear statement. For my strong-willed boy
(now four!), what worked was the 3 C's.
Consistent--I think most people know they need to be consistent with
their kids. With E, and with other strong-willed kids I've known,
consistency becomes vital. There can be no flex at all during the
testing phases. No changing the mind. Just unfailing
consistancy in expecatations. It was our expectation that E would
sit quietly in church (he absolutely hated the nursery, that would have
been another option, he refused it). So every time he wasn't
quiet, I had to pick him up and take him out. We'd discuss (wrong
choice to be loud in church, we need to be quiet), and repeat.
Some days we took him out 4 or 5 times in one service. But we
could never let loud talking slide. Now we can--I can quietly
remind him he needs to be quiet. But during that testing phase,
no way. It had to be reinforeced every single time.
Calm--I had always thought of myself as a pretty calm person, and
patient, too. Then E entered this testing phase. It was hard work
to remain calm. But the second I didn't, his behavior got
worse. Saying "E! PICK UP YOUR TOYS NOW!" didn't help
matters. In fact, in his strong will he was still emotionally
sensitive, and it was more likely to just scare him. But saying,
in a calm voice, "E, pick up your toys now, please" was very likely to
elicit a positive response.
Clear--It makes such a difference to state expectations in a clear
way. "E, you need to pick up your toys before we go out."
Stop. No cajoling, no explaining, just state what hast to be
done. In a calm voice, and then be consistent. After he
started doing what I asked, I often explained it more to him. But the
explanation wasn't to get him to do it--for obedience, it just needed
to be clear. And concise, another C.
It was a rough road, and I know we'll have more challenges as we
go. But the hard work has been worth it, resulting in a polite,
respectful, obedient boy, who is a lot of fun to be around.
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| • Post A Comment! |
Dec. 24, 2005 - Merry Christmas |
| Posted by MotherJoy |
Have a great day tomorrow! Enjoy your family!
Beth |
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Dec. 24, 2005 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by rachelle |
I have a daughter (6) two boys (3 and 2) and another boy due on Dec. 28th. Thanks for the reminders and encouragement...it's easy to fall into bad discipline ruts.
Merry Christmas! |
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Jan. 5, 2006 - Prayer request... |
| Posted by DandelionSeeds |
Please take a moment to stop by my blog and read a prayer request for a woman whose blog I came across... she needs prayer.
Blessings,
Amy |
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Jan. 20, 2006 - Hey there, Heather! (I crack myself up!) |
| Posted by dswescott |
| I've been away from your journal for a while...I just can't keep up w/ all my journal friends...though I've been mostly a lurker on your blog. I was catching up this morning and read your 3Cs. Boy, that was something I needed to hear. God is showing me lots lately. I hope I don't let him down. Thanks for the wisdom and the encouragement! Blessings, SebbieDue |
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Keeping up--with my boys as they learn about their world; with my responsibilities at home; with my growth in God.
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