One of the greatest frustrations of living down here on this earth is the inability to really reach out to touch God.  I look forward so much to the day when my faith will become sight and I will actually be in the presence of the One I love more than life.

But while I'm here, I struggle (a lot) with questions like, "What can I do for my Lord?' and "How can I be everything that He intends?"

I am not satisfied with my life the way it is.  In fact, I feel like such a failure in so many ways.  And I am really staggered to realize that many of the choices I made when I was younger really cripple my ability to really serve God today.

I want to go with God.  I don't want to stay where I am.  I want to reach into more of what I can be, of what He can be in me.  I want to matter for my God.

What does this mean?  It definitely means that I take seriously my responsibility to my family and I love them like Jesus would.  It means I am the friend that takes you to the Lord and will go the extra mile.  It means that I genuinely care and reach out to those around me with the reality of the Gospel.

I am afraid of being a couch-potato Christian who does not matter one iota in the Kingdom.  I do no want to dissapoint my King.

Oh, for the day when I will be in Your presence, Lord.  Until then, show me clearly what you want from me and my life.  Give me the grace to be obedient and the joy to fully experience You.  Show me what it means to press on toward the high calling you have placed on my life.