I've been up since 3am.  I got an adorable, overall well behaved and trained Springer Spaniel puppy a couple weeks ago.  The only problem is that he wants to go to sleep at 8pm and wake at 3/4am.  I had a dog for 13 years, Tucker, who was my best friend and companion for so long, he got sick so I had to put him to rest in October 2005...not even birthing children was a tough as this. 

So here I am, a self avowed dog lover, backed into taking tough action again.  I am going to have to give the puppy up for adoption and accept that a dog is not right for our family at this time or any time in the near future.  What is that burning love for and need to have a dog but that when it gets down to the nitty gritty of daily life it is all work and no play?  It's not that I was unrealistic....I knew what a puppy needs, I know there is a "breaking in" period.  It seems to be a struggle of my ego vs. self gratification, neither of which is a very good place to be or be admitting to even.  "Oh, it will be tough but only for a short time,"  "Dog's are so cute and loving, we need this for me, for our children", "they are so soft and snuggly", "my children need to know the unconditional love of a dog like my very own Tucker."

The tears are streaming, not because I love this puppy and he has to go but because I miss Tucker, because I'm the grown up now who has to make these decisions, I have to admit I am wrong and I'm afraid I'm going to keep having the desire to get back what I had with my old boy and keep making this mistake.  Only with the Lord's love can I heal from this loss and only with His strength can I do what is right.  Boy it is hard being a grown up sometimes.