May. 31, 2006 - Rest & Renewal
Ok, I'm back. I'm really going to make an effort to continue this journal. Sometimes I can't see any progress or growth just going from day to day without any reflection or introspection. Seeing my words here shows me that God is maturing me, moving me forward. Mostly that is demonstrated by how dorky my earlier posts sound! 
If I recognize that, I'm moving forward!
I spent last weekend at the FPEA homeschool convention in Orlando, Florida, with a new homeschool friend and my eldest daughter. We had a good time, and I think the things I gleaned from the weekend were not the things I expected to learn.
#1 I talk too much when I'm tired. I just needed to shut it down and go to bed and let my poor roommate, Crissy, go to bed, too! We had some very good conversations, but I'm afraid I did most of the talking. I'm going to work on this.
#2 The session I was most looking forward to turned out to be the most disappointing. I was disappointed that the answer I was seeking turned out to not be to my liking at all. Perhaps it was put there by God as a contrast to what did really speak to me. But I was looking forward to learning how to teach the resistant student, but was turned off by what seemed to me a harsh attitude. I have tried that--I'm trying to repent from that! (I did learn something in that session, tho! I learned to text messages on my phone! Tee hee.)
#3 I realized that when the right thing comes along, it resonates in my heart. Cynthia Tobias had us rolling in the aisles with her dry wit, but I came away with a deeper appreciation for my strong-willed children and renewed determination to connect with them. I was so weary of struggling all of the time, but I learned that I need to:
1. Choose my battles
2. Lighten up but don't let up
3. Ask more questions--issue fewer orders
4. Hand out more tickets and giver fewer warnings (more action; less anger)
5. Make sure my children always know my love is unconditional.
WOW! These really sum it up. I could see so clearly that these 5 strategies for survival could transform not only my relationship with my children but with my husband, too.
#4 I worked in the Sonlight Booth for about 6 hours over the weekend and as I explained Sonlight to people, I was reminded of how much I love and am grateful for this curriculum. I also realized it as I roamed the other vendor's booths. There is just nothing like it. I came away with a much deeper appreciation for what God has led me to.
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Feb. 28, 2006 - Finally Freedom
Well, it's been an awfully long time since I've posted a new entry here. February is very busy here. I have had a lot of changes, though. I turned 37--doesn't feel as old as it sounds. :) I extended an olive branch to my husband.
The biggest thing that happened was that I was dismissed from my grandmother's service almost a month ago. She got mad at me for trying to find a caregiver for her--which she had asked me to do. She didn't like the way I was doing it, even though it meant she wouldn't have had any out-of-pocket expense. My husband and I were jubilant--a huge relief! She took him off as power of attorney and told me she didn't need my help, she could take care of herself. I don't want to abandon her or neglect her and please realize that I'm not doing that--she has aides coming in to care for her every day and my uncle is taking care of her business for her. I'm not abandoning her--I can't help her if she blocks me at every turn.
I felt a real peace about it, felt like it was the answer from God for which I had been praying. I was amazed at the way He worked it all out.
Soooo...we got some super good learning in with no interruptions or emergencies from Grandma. I know that she's angry with me, but I don't feel guilty about it at all. I'm able to give my family my all, without wanting to run and hide from everything that's totally overwhelming me. Praise the Lord!!!
Now...praying about the taxes...I have to get them done this week! I think my CPA has hired a PI to find me. LOL. One step at a time, I guess.
I covet your prayers for getting my home back in order, too. The whole time I was helping Grandma I swept a ton of junk under the housecleaning rug. This place needs to be turned upside down and shook out!
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Jan. 14, 2006 - Support Group
We had our monthly small group meeting for our big homeschool support group. We have a park day once a month. We all bring our lunches and rotate around to all the local parks. I'm sometimes tempted to go back to just going this alone, but we have such a good time fellowshipping with others on the same road! The children just play and play and we adults seem to enjoy our time, too.
I guess I was a homebody with nowhere to go for so long, that it's hard for me to be busy all the time. There are so many wonderful opportunities for homeschoolers in our area--how do I choose??? We go to dance and chorus every week. We go to a monthly skate. We go to the monthly park day. My eldest dd goes to 2 homeschool teen nights/month (if she gets all her school done). It feels too busy, especially with the other things going on, too. I'm wondering if I'm just not used to it.
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Jan. 13, 2006 - Priorities
Today was a wake-up call for me. Just as we settled down to get a good morning of learning in, my aunt called and wondered if they could come for lunch. Now, I had planned to call them and invite them for supper, but she beat me to it and couldn't come in the evening so they were supposed to come around 11:00. OK, I thought, we'll get some school done. Then I realized I had no bread to go with the soup I needed to make. And I needed to go pick up my sister because they have only one vehicle right now and my aunt and uncle wanted to see her.
So, as I'm stuck in our city's snowbird-swelled traffic, I realize that I need to STOP answering the phone while we're doing school. I need to put my school message back on the machine and not answer, regardless of who it is. My own dear children are also begging for uninterrupted school time, so you know it must be really bad.
I really hate to be a 'hard and fast' rule kind of person (mostly because people act surprised and angry, guess I don't do it often enough) but I'm gonna have to stick with this.
I'm also going to have to stop taking my Grandma's calls so often, which will make her really angry--all part of her increasing dementia. I could sit down with her and explain it all sweetly, but she'll have forgotten it by tomorrow. I'm hoping that she'll not call my cell phone all day, either. I need prayer for this issue because I'm at the end of myself, knowing that I shouldn't have taken this on, but not being able to lay it down because of her dementia. She has an aide 4 hours a day, but I do her pills, paperwork and coordinating her care--when she lets me. Many of my friends tell me that I shouldn't do it, but my guilt tells me I should, my husband doesn't know how we could not do it so late in the game. I'm just praying that God will reveal to me what exactly is my responsibility in this situation. She's always been manipulating and difficult, increasing as time goes on. She's my grandfather's 3rd wife and was rude and snobby to my mother and my family when I was a kid. I've been helping her for almost 5 years and let her manipulate me a lot of that. My children resent her very much, and when the phone rings in the middle of the night, we all want to run away.
So....I am thinking about priorities. When emergencies (Grandma, business, my own dc, husband, sister) seem to be constant, how do I keep on with normal life and school responsibilities. How long can this stuff keep happening? I'm praying that God will give me a specific plan to streamline my life so I can nurture and educate my dc--no matter what comes up.
Praying for a peaceful day for all of us.
Holli
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Jan. 11, 2006 - Back to School
Today was the first day we all felt good enough (physically, anyway) to do a full day of school. 14yo daughter had a teary meltdown because she couldn't remember how to assign a function to a noun or remember geometric formulas. I spent a while showing her that if she looked back her memory would be jogged and she'd be good to go. She wasn't buying it...
Meanwhile, 9yo daughter is totally goofing off everytime I avert my eyes. And Grandma is calling every other minute telling me she has to go to the hospital immediately! (She had bladder surgery today but didn't have to be there until noon and her aide was taking her and I was meeting her. She probably spent an hour total over 20 phone calls arguing with me about silly stuff. )
So...I am feeling ready to simplify my life and buckle down to school for the next 7 or 8 months. We school through the summer here in Florida so we take off more time when the weather's nice. The only problem with that is that everyone else is off in the summer and think we are, too. That's why we end up schooling year-round, with mini breaks here and there. But it feels good to get back to a schedule after Christmas and being sick.
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