After my Fractured Fairy Tale, I thought I should profile another family I know, that is getting it right.   ***There is nothing here that has not been discussed with the actual parties involved, even the stuff that makes them look bad.  They are happy to share their testimony in hopes that it may help someone else.

John and Sue (not real names, but the story is hard to follow without some names thrown in here) were married in their late twenties.  They had a passionate relationship.  John made some dumb choices sometimes, he kind of enjoyed looking for fights in his younger days.  He knew the Lord, because he was raised in a Christian home, but he never treated Jesus as his Lord.  Sue was raised in a very permissive style religion where as long as nobody was terribly hurt, things must be okay.  I need to mention that Sue's parents never wanted her to marry John.  Any chance they got, they would try to tear him down.

They had a daughter, Mary.  She changed them--they really dedicated themselves to her.  They faught less, and poured themselves into raising her right.  They attended church more regularly to give her a solid foundation, but still hadn't surrendered fully. 

When Mary was between 5 and 6, the pressure was on for John to earn a decent income.  It had always been a problem for him, he wanted to provide for Sue and Mary, but he just didn't have it in his personality to be able to work in a traditional style job, he had too much pride for that.  He couldn't follow orders, and really resented authority.  After losing a few really good jobs, he went to work for himself.  However, he didn't have the discipline to work for himself either.  He cut corners.  He always seemed to be chasing that one huge account that would set them for life, instead of trying to get many small, satisfied customers and referrals.

Soon, the devil got a strong hold on John.  John decided that it would be okay to do business in a "creative" way.  The government was wrong to say that what he was doing was illegal.  That's how he justified it to himself, anyway.  What he was really doing was committing fraud and grand theft, and selling stolen property. 

Almost three years ago, John was caught.  His case proceeded through the system, and he was sentenced to jail time, followed by time in a work-release program working under intense supervision during the days and spending the nights in the county jail.  After that, he was to serve 1 year of intensive probation, in which he was allowed to live at home, but could not do anything but work and be at home.  His probation officer would check up on him every evening. 

Unfortunately, John hadn't quite gone all the way to rock-bottom yet.  During work release, he met a woman who sympathized with his plight.  Yes, she was in jail on a work release program, too.  They struck up a friendship, one thing led to another, and soon they were spending afternoons at her apartment.  Sue officially gave up on their marriage, and moved herself and Mary into her parents' house.  Sue quietly divorced John at her parents' prompting, and with their money.

During this whole ordeal, John and Sue wisely chose not to tell Mary what was really going on.  They told her that her dad was working a lot, and she knew things were tough, but she was spared knowing the gritty details.  He was able to help her a little bit with her homework and spend some time with her before he had to leave every evening for "work".   She still suffered, however.  Especially when her mom moved them into her maternal grandparents' house.  She started to develop a bad attitude, she acted up in school, and then she became withdrawn, even in the presence of her paternal grandparents, with whom she has always had a very close relationship.

This is when the extended family went into action.  They just couldn't stand by and watch John destroy his family.  John's parents and siblings held an intervention, and they were prepared.  They hit him with the facts of divorce, how it would surely throw Sue and Mary into poverty, or a position where they would have to bring a new man into their home, and especially how it was going to hurt his daughter in the years to come.  They told him that he could expect his daughter to become even more withdrawn, how likely it is that young girls are molested by the boyfriends of their mothers, and that she would start looking for love in promiscuity when she became a teenager.   They talked with Sue candidly about what it means to be a wife, and how she wasn't holding up her end of the bargain, because she was being incredibly critical of him, due to her parents' influence. 

John and Sue agreed to come alongside more mature couples and be mentored in the art of marriage.  It has been a long, long road during the last year.  The first thing that obviously happened was that John broke off his relationship with the other woman.  He started courting Sue again.  Sue is learning that her parents are not a good influence on her.  Mary has come out of her shell again, she is a bubbly, bright 10 year old.  Perhaps most importantly, John has fully surrendered his life to the Lord, and is becoming the spiritual leader of his family.  He is giving his testimony to prisoners.  He has been offered a regular, stable job with great pay and benefits.  John and Sue are engaged to be married again.

I can't say "and everyone lived happily ever after", because obviously everyone has a lot more living to do.  What I can say is, everyone is on the right track, and with all cards on the table, they will receive a lot of help from people who care about them to keep them on the right track. 

This is what happens when we let God lead our lives.

Resources:

The Unexpected Legacy Of Divorce:  A Twenty-Five Year Landmark Study, by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee

Case Against Divorce:  Discover the lures, the lies, and the emotional traps of divorce--plus the seven vital reasons to stay together, by Diane Medved

See the newly added links for books in my right margin.