It is about 3 weeks into my new life with an autistic child.  I have been swimming in research, phone calls, insurance, tears, exhaustion, and not a lot of fun.

My dad, who is always good for a little perspective, reminded me today in an email:

Alicia,

Well, well, well, as I look to 8:30 this morning for my favorite time (my root canal) I think of my screen saver Steve  and his extra special mom! 

I know you are faced with a major challenge--but as I was emotionally bleading inside about a number of items in my life with you guys on the top of my list--Mike asked me what’s  up?  A lot on my mind was what I responded as he was seeping chemo into his veins after just having talked to my special daughter about my grandson, Steven.  He looked at me and said, hey, you could be me with these tubes pouring into your arm.  I got the point!  We have a lot to be thankful for and a God who maintains our strength and will as needed.  We will do the best we can to assist God in Steven's future.

I love you little girl and am so proud of you and your effort, take some time and smell the roses.

                                                +++

Well, if that doesn’t remind me of what is really going on!

So, that afternoon, Steven and I were pulling weeds in the yard  and Steven says “Look mom, a flower.  I smell it”.  He proceeds to get real close, blow OUT instead of in and say, “hmmm, it smells good.”  Now, I know that is a typical “Asperger” thing to do...the act instead of understanding what it really means, but you have to admire that. 

Even though Steven doesn’t understand why you “smell the roses” or even how good it really smells, he will one day.  So, for now, I’m going to smell the roses, even though it scares me to pause from my frantic search for a cure with EARLY intervention screaming at me, even though I don’t understand “why”, I just have to trust God that He has planned this life, and He says to BREATHE! 

I don’t feel like smelling the roses today and I don’t even get a lot of sweetness from it, but I’m going to follow Steven’s example and my dad’s advice and take a breather.  I’m going to turn off the internet, quit calling doctors, quit worrying about all that we can and should be doing and rest in the sweetness of my Savior.

“they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31