I was driving to BSF (Bible study fellowship) last night and was listening to my hymns CD.  “Great is Thy Faithfulness” came on and it was one of those moments when you roll down the window, sing as loud as you possibly can, then cry afterwards reflecting on the words.

Great is Thy Faithfulness.  Hmmm.  One of my favorites.

“Great is Thy Faithfulness.  Oh God, my father.  There is no turning or changing with thee.  Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not.  As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be.”

The faithfulness part of God has always given me peace.  It is so clear that He really never does change.  He always does what He says and He will never leave me.

But, how great is His faithfulness? Does it really have Power?  Is it Great enough?

As I’m learning all these things about Steven’s Asperger’s and all the potential “causes”, I can’t help but think about all the things I did as a mother that could’ve caused this.  Now, I know you are going to read this and just immediately say, “oh, honey, you didn’t cause this.”  Well, thanks.  But I have to face it head on.  It’s not something I can just “oh honey” myself over.

I mean, what if I didn’t hug him enough, play with him enough.  What if I let him cry too long or didn’t take my prenatal vitamins soon enough?  I shouldn’t have given him ALL those vaccines.  I should've seen it sooner.  I should’ve called this doctor instead of that one.  I never should’ve…

I know in my head I didn’t cause this in my treasured son.  But, my heart aches that maybe I did.

So, God, I’m asking.  How GREAT is your faithfulness?  Is it big enough to cover my mistakes.  You put Steven in my care and in some ways, I know I’ve failed.  Are you big enough to cover my weaknesses, my sin?  Please don’t hold my failures against Steven.  Please don’t make him pay for things only I should pay the price for.

I am struck instantly by the 4th verse:  

His faithfulness is Great enough to COVER my sin.  Jesus’ death on the cross pardon’s my sin.  His plans will prevail and my Steven will NOT fall through the cracks of my failures.

I am in awe at the GREATNESS of His faithfulness and thankful to the bottom of my soul that IT IS ENOUGH to cover me.