It is amazing to me how God is able to be everywhere all the time.  As soon as i feel insignificant (very often), He reminds me through a secret revealing that i am certain is Him, but is only meant for me.

Recently, in my Bible study, we've been studying 1 Kings.  We looked at Elijah in Chapter 18:20-19:18.   First, Elijah saw God do an amazing miracle at Mt. Carmel.  The people of Israel, God's people, were worshiping the false god, Baal.  Elijah, in a bold move, says, "How long will you go limping between two different opinions?  If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him."   Elijah was the ONLY prophet of God left compared to 450 priests of Baal.

In a competition to show which God is the true God, each side laid an offering and whichever god answers by fire, they would call him God.  Both sides agreed this was a fair test.

God clearly showed himself by consuming the burnt offering and all the water in the pool.  The people fell on their faces and said, "The Lord, he is God; the Lord, he is God".   Then Elijah slaughtered every one of the priests of Baal.

This was an amazing victory for Elijah in proclaiming God as the one true God.   I would think Elijah would walk away feeling somewhat invincible seeing that God had answered his prayer so strongly and powerfully.

But, no.  Jezebel, the queen of Israel, sends a message to him that he will die for what he has done. (She is a devout worshiper of Baal).  Elijah's response: RUN for your life!  He had just, singly, put all the worshipers of Baal to shame, killed all the priests and was clearly under the mighty hand of God.  And, what does he do?  Run!

He winds up resting under a tree asking God to let him just die.  "I give up!"

But, the Lord, in His lovingkindness, sends an angel to comfort him.  The angel feeds him bread and water and allows him to rest until he has enough strength for forty days and forty nights on a journey to Horeb, the mount of God.

There he came to a cave and lodged in it.  The Lord spoke to Elijah asking, "What are you doing here Elijah?".  Elijah honestly brought his grievances to the Lord saying that he had followed God, but he was the only one left and now they seek his life to take it.  Then, the Lord decided to truly speak to Elijah in an intimate, fatherly way.

First, a giant wind tore through the mountains; then, an earthquake; next, a fire.  The Lord was in neither of these dramatic displays.  He was in the gentle whisper.

The Lord whispered, "What are you doing here Elijah?"  Can't you just hear the love in His voice?

Elijah repeated his grievances.  The Lord listened, then told Elijah exactly what to do next with a promise of relief and victory soon coming.

WOW, what a story!  There are many reasons this story touched me mainly because I so often do things like Elijah.  Of course, I am no where near his greatness but I can relate on many levels and that gives me comfort that God will use me regardless.

The day we studied this, I was especially discouraged about Steven's Asperger Syndrome and by raising three small children.  

We had recently seen a real improvement in Steven's speech.  This was a victory for sure and a comfort that we are headed in the right direction.  You would think I would be able to move forward daily trusting God and His provision, but I don't. I still struggle, painfully.  Just like how Elijah had seen this amazing victory over the Baals, but his very next move was to run in fear like a coward.

Today, I was ready to run. I was so tired and having a rough day.  I wanted, in my heart, to run away from it all.  To lock the door to my room, put the covers over my head and forget all the demands and struggles around me.

When Dave got home from work, I asked him if I could go  to Panera bread by myself to eat and spend some time with God. I knew I needed to hear from the Lord because the lies in my head were overpowering me.

I slowly walked in to Panera Bread.  I felt like my feet weighed thirty pounds each as I literally trudged in to the story.  I ordered my Panini (bread pizza) and water.  I dug in my purse to pay for my meal and realized I did not have my wallet.

If that isn't the icing on the cake to a bad day.  I apologized to the cashier and began to walk out.  As I opened the door, the manager was sitting at a table nearby.  He asked me what I had ordered.  He had overheard my situation and placed my order for free. 

I sat down, almost in tears thinking of God's small kindness to my little, insignificant day.  I prayed for my meal, thanking God for his still small voice, saying that He loved me.  I opened my eyes and looked at my meal, bread and water.  Just like Elijah, when I was ready to flee in fear and cowardice, He responded with love, grace, and provision to go on.

Later that night, I thought about how I did nothing to deserve my meal. I didn't know the manager and I know they aren't in the habit of giving out free meals.  Just like my walk with the Lord, I did nothing to deserve His comfort.  In fact, I did everything to deserve His rebuke.  But, in His lovingkindness, He was with me, little, insignificant me to restore me, love me and send me on my way.  You cannot say God doesn't care about the details, that is where he whispers.