"Christ must be everything: the beginning, the middle, and the end of our salvation. We must lay Him down as the first or foundation stone, rest the others and intermediate ones on Him, and also attach the rafters or the roof to Him. He is the first, the middle, and the last rung in the ladder to Heaven. Through Him we must begin, must continue, and must complete our progress to life." -Martin Luther

I've been reading various books this summer with the latest being a biography on Luther. I have felt a call to follow Christ in a new direction. What joy to know that it is all about Him and not me. He will blaze the path, He will take me where He wants me, He will act and I have only to trust Him and follow. What peace to know that I don't have to do the work, and that in trying to do it - I was rejecting Him.  

"Our Lord God resembles a typesetter, who sets his letters backwards. We definitely see and feel that He is setting His type, but the print we shall see in the beyond. Meanwhile we must have patience. "

"Patince is born out of the conviction that God will act." -ML

I am feeling quite frustrated which almost always means I need to count my blessings. I got a great quote from a friend yesterday. She got it from another fellow traveler.

"Worship isn't a feeling. Worship is saying what's true." (-Merna)

Awhile back I joined Holy Experience's Ann and the gratitude community. I have posted some blogs and tagged them with grateful owls but haven't really started a count. I know I have many many things I am thankful for, but had I ever just started a list... a running list that I could pull out on the hard days. Nate had trouble going to sleep last night. I told him to think of all those really great things we have in life. And thus began my list... so here is a peek into my journal. I want to worship Him, speaking the truth about what He has given me.

1. Curls on little boy painted golden in the sunlight

2. Veins on the back of leaves

3. the feel of long grass passing through fingers

4. Curtains blowing in the breeze

5. words of truth spoken from trusted friend

6. eyes that light up when they see you

7. hayfields freshly mowed and mint fields chopped

8. proud cornstalks rising up against blue skies

9. blue skies (did I miss those?)

10. coffee waiting hot and ready

11. blueberries bulging on the bush

12. the color green painted lavishly on trees and grass

13. Black-eyed susans growing where I forgot

14. kind strangers who welcome poultry they never met!

15. cereal on the shelf and milk in the fridge (Lord, may I never take it for granted)

16. shoes found and not even sought after (a perfect fit!)

17. the curve of the land and fields or woods that follow

18. the smell of the grill cooking up something delightful

19. cows in fields of green

20. strong arms letting me cry

Every day He begs our attention, every second He tells us of His love for us. He calls to you- can you hear Him?

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

Yesterday we sang "Blessed Be the Name" at church. That song is such a powerful statement of our faith.  That song and the verse that matches it ...

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord"-Job 1:21

have been like a banner for me, a standard to continually lift.  The boys and I read the story of Job a couple of weeks ago. We talked about how satan had to have permission to test Job. We discussed how Job had no idea why things were happening to him. Who would have thought that just a couple weeks later we would have our own experiences to go through?

Saturday, the boys went out to take care of animals. They discovered something had killed a bunch of our birds. We lost all our baby chicks that we bought and hatched out, except 1. We lost one of the 2 babies a mother hen was raising. We also lost all our baby ducks. Daron said he felt like Job. These were their babies. We were in shock at the carnage. As we buried those birds we cried and wondered why. That night even though we thought we had the coop secure- we lost the rest of our babies, the mama hen, and our female adult duck. We had to go back over the coop and find every weak area.

My boys have had such tough lessons to learn. I never went through what these boys have when I was a kid. But I just have to embrace that God knows the other side. He sees them and loves them more than I ever could. He is passionate for them. It seems so crazy that God allows these things but then I look at the whole picture. This world is just a stepping stone into the next. It is just a little blip on eternity. He is God and He has said it is ok. I know there are people out there who might say "Well, if that is how He is I don't want anything to do with Him." They would like to accept only good like a child and not have any discipline or challenges in their life. Like spoiled children that never have a hard day or have anyone challenge their authority, they would like to live. They want to live in the pretend world where bad things only happen to others and never to them, where it only rains on the naughty but not the nice.

What power there is in singing that song with a broken heart, a heart longing to praise Him even when we don't understand. Some days I have stood in silence, cried, and eventually whispered those words. Some days I can sing the song all the way through. But every time I sing it my voice catches as I say those words...

"...Blessed be Your name, when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed by Your name...

...Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in, Lord still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord...

...Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name..."

I want them to be real words... not lightly spoken words that I sing and then whine about later. This Sunday, as I sang, my voice caught as I prepared to sing them. I was thinking about all we've been through and how much I miss my Dad. I glanced to my right and saw the most holy private moment in my middle son's life. The words of the song hit him and he covered his face at the impact of it. He couldn't sing the song. The words caught. I knew in that instant that satan was questioning Will's faith.

"What do you believe... do you accept what is happening and then have the gall to stand here in church and sing? Might you like to reconsider your options?"

What a creep he is to attack a young boy. But what a privilege that God has found Will and the other boys worthy to suffer. He has looked down from heaven and said, "Have you considered My servants, those crazy boys that live in the woods?"  I can boast in my Father's promises,

'If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown himself.' (2 Tim 2:13)

'He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus' (Phil 1:6)

Like our spiritual lives, we have to strengthen and correct our weak areas. We will review whether we even should be doing what we were (raising chicks in the woods).  We will have to make some decisions about what to do now. But in all of it, God doesn't change. He loves us passionately.

My grace in sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

Jotting down some random quotes from Living Water by Brother Yun. I must warn you that he is tough on the West- but I find myself with squished toes and nodding my head in agreement. Put on your steel-toed shoes and log off if you don't want to hear this... otherwise put on your sandals and join me...

"God does not expect us to argue with Him when He tells us to do something. He doesn't expect us to apply human logic to our circumstances. He simply expects us to obey and trust Him. I have found that whenever we step out in obedience to God's voice, miracles follow. If you trust in God's word, you will never regret it. Obedience allows you to operate despite seemingly impossible circumstances, because Jesus is more powerful than everything we can see or touch.

We need to realize that when God speaks to us, He is always right. He is not like a person who gets some things right and other things wrong. He is right 100% of the time and we should trust Him 100% of the time.

As long as you are looking for God to bless 'your' ministry, you are wasting your time. He only blesses His ministry, done His way, by His leading. When we finally reach the end of all our useless programs and give up in desperation, Jesus will be there to show us a better way - His way.

A church is meant to be a training center and command hub for war, not a social club for pleasantries and hypocrisy, where people give lip service to Christ while refusing to obey His commands. Not only does God want you to wake up, but He has a work for you to do.

When I'm in the West, I see all the mighty church buildings and all the expensive equipment, plush carpets and state-of-the-art sound systems. I can assure the Western church with absolute certainty that you don't need any more church buildings. Church buildings will never bring the revival you seek.

When God moves in the West, it seems you want to stop and enjoy His presence and blessings too long and build an altar to your experiences.

When God truly moves in your heart, you cannot remain silent.

True disciples are often misunderstood. They are viewed as unstable fanatics. Often the same governments that tolerate the existence of mere believers will stop at no end to completely eradicate any disciples from within their borders.

'Believers' try to follow God, but their prayers and commitment are clouded with indecisiveness. ... If they ever hear the King's call to go somewhere and do something for the sake of His kingdom, they feel they need extra encouragement before they can safely step out: 'First let me check with my spouse, my pastor, my boss and my in-laws to see if it's all right with them.'

'Disciples' have a different attitude. They beg God to give them just a little of His dynamite power. They pray, 'Oh God, if you will lend me just a little spiritual dynamite, I promise I will take it to the darkest area I can find, place it there and pray You will send Your fire from heaven to explode it." 

That I might be a disciple and not merely a believer... Lord give me just a little of your dynamite