I have been reflecting this week about my high school years. I notice I do that more the closer my kids get to reaching that age. How I behaved and treated others. Oh, how I regret that now. Maybe some of those regrets are, because now I want to protect my maiden family name. (Sorry Dad, it came a little late.) I have reached an age where the older generation is passing away and there seems to be a lot of my generation going home to memorial services. This saddens me and I pray for their losses. At the same time, I find myself apologizing for my immaturity I had when they were in my life many years ago. Sometimes it is not possible to make things right, because I don't see them. I only hear about what is going on in my old friends life through others. What do I do? The only choice God leaves me is to ask for forgiveness through Him. And hope that we train our children to behave better then we did. I have also been praying that my children don't grow up materialistic. I want them to experience happiness from God above and not from the price of success.
Recently I learned of the success of one of these friends from my past that I once had a high school crush on. He is creative and his work is public. His words bring sadness in the songs he writes. I can't help but wonder if this work is inspired on his reality. If it is, then how sad. My prayers go out to him to find the happiness and joy in the simple ways. I feel very rich with my simple family and the many little treasures God has provided me. God provided me with a wonderful husband who I love more then anything (other then God). And my husband does not need to worry about my heart, it is with him 100% and not on any old high school crushes.
And so, if by chance anyone reads this from my past. If I treated you badly or hurt you, I am sorry. I was an unguided brat. I wish I would of been raised better. I should of behaved better. I wish I could undo it. If I have opportunities in life to apologize, I hope I don't chicken out due to my own embarrassment. |
• May. 27, 2009 - I know what you mean
I totatlly know what you mean. I too was unkind to my peers and friends back in the day. But I too was a part of the crowd not behaving like the good church goer I was. Party til dawn and my parents just threw up their hands in frustration. I have apologized to them but not to friends. I lived in an area of a hight Mormon influence, which was good, but had a lot of restrictions on my friendships, which made me angry, and took it out on myself, my body, and my friends. I wast the one who cut others down just to get a laugh. I have asked the Lord for divine forgiveness and grace, and feel He has given it. I pray we both forgive ourselves, only then can we live in grace with the Lord by our side. Thanks for this post. I have a couple friends who we righteous as they grew up, and didn't have any of these issues seemingly, and supportive parents, who professes Jesus as Lord to this day. I can only hope that my kids do the same in their future. Blessings to you!