Life on the Hill

practicing Contentment and ego slaying

Have you ever noticed that when you determine to serve others and and put down the old man, that you really see how selfish and proud you are? That is what is what has been shown to me this year.  Selfishness and pride are my bane. Yet I lack the faith to ask the Lord to slay my ego for me, because I am fearful of what that will mean. I know perfect love castest off fear, yet I fear. I had purposed to serve my family and my patients without needing to be thanked or recognized for my sacrifice.  I failed. Despite my best efforts, I still ended up at times feeling taken for granted or needing to be patted on the back for my work.  I wanted to do it "as unto the Lord" but I found myself asking for recognition from those that I serve rather than leaving the recognition up to the Lord. Even though I felt I had asked the Lord to help me, I guess I was trying to do it with my own effort.

And I have a question,.... To practice contentment, does that mean you don't desire more than you have? Can you be content in whatever state you are in, yet desire something more?  More spiritual growth? More living space? More Jesus? I have asked that question of the Spirit, but haven't recieved the answer yet. I AM thankful for what the Lord has given me,,,, my family, my faith, my living space and so much more. Yet I desire more spiritual growth, more Jesus, and honestly, I desire to finish our house for many reasons.  I have recieved some of the answer.... but I haven't been able to fully explain it to others.  The scripture says the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts.  This doesn't mean if we want a Mecedes, he will give it to us.  It means He makes us want what He wants for us, and then He gives it to us.  What I don't see yet, is , does this just pertain to spiritual things or can it apply to natural things too?