|
Daddy on the Road, Mommy on the Run
October 14, 2006
Oh, Lord... We are crying out
Holy God,
The past few days have been so hard; these past weeks unlike anything I
have seen or sensed. There is suffering. And You spoke of
this, You told us that we would have trouble in this world but to take
heart because You have overcome it. And we do take heart, we
do! You are more than enough!
But may I
crawl up on Your lap and tell You that our hearts are breaking?
That it's such a good thing You give us a new one, because this one
that beats within me humanly hurts with each new grief. My mind
is abuzz, fighting off confusion (because that is NOT of You) and
struggling to find peace (which You have never denied me).
LORD, with everything in me, I want to embrace Your purpose for this
season. I don't know what it is, so it seems impossible to wrap
my life around it. But You don't call me to embrace a purpose or
a plan, You call me to embrace YOU. So, the best I know how, let
me stand before You accountable and once more reaffirm that:
You ARE God in Heaven; there is none like You.
I am but a breath upon this earth, but I am still confident of this -- I WILL see Your goodness in the land of the living.
Because You are the Holy One of Israel, the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel,
I need not fear when evil men succeed in their ways; I wait patiently
for You and You rescue me. You rescue those I love, those I know
who need You, and You deliver us safe and will not allow Your servants
to be put to shame.
Because each person I know who is hurting
is precious in Your sight and because You love each one, You have given
Your Son in ransom. As each passes through the water, You will be
with them. As they pass through the rivers, they will not be
swept over. Though each walks through the fire, they will not be
burned, their clothes will not smell of smoke, and there will be a
Fourth Figure walking in the furnace with them.
You are the God who HEALS the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds; You will not break a bruised reed.
Your peace passes my ability -- our ability -- to understand it.
Your peace makes little "common sense" because it is hardly
common: Your ways are higher than mine, Your thoughts are smarter
than mine.
Though I see You through a glass darkly, I WILL see
You one day, face to face. You have given me the spirit of
sonship, by which I call You "Abba" -- my Daddy God.
You are not my Santa-Claus, You give me the desires of my heart because
You Yourself place the desires and will not answer when I ask with
wrong motives. You save me from myself. And I thank You.
You have blotted out my transgressions, You have cleansed me from all
unrighteousness, You have forgiven my iniquity. If I cherish sin
in my heart, You will not hear my cry; but if I confess my sins You are
FAITHFUL and just to forgive me my sins. How can I ever thank You
enough???
You have not given us a spirit of fear, but of
power, love, and a sound mind. You establish the work of our
hands; all that we have accomplished, LORD You have done for us.
The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places for me, LORD.
Great will be the peace of my children, for You show love to a thousand
generations of those who love You. You hold us and protect us,
You are our shield and rampart. You are our VERY GREAT REWARD.
Healeth, Thou, mine unbelief, sweet Jesus.
Sometimes my soul has to go back to what I know. Forgive me for
my wondering and pondering; there are things I will not understand in
this life because I wasn't made to. Holy God, I will never
understand why You bother with me at all, but I am SOOOOOO grateful
that You do! Tears well up again as I think of the awful price
You paid to set me free -- and the fact that I will never, NEVER be
without You because of it.
Oh, God! These things
I see -- be Warrior, LORD, ride out to save Your people once
again. Deliver us from evil, comfort and protect us, and may
these events only be reminders to draw closer to You as the painful
"Why?" blurts out. Thank You that Your Spirit intercedes when we
don't know what to pray.
I'm blithering, yet speechless,
Father. I love You SO much! We enter Your gates with
thanksgiving and Your courts with praise!
Amen.
|
Comments
(0) Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
October 9, 2006
Sigh...
LORD,
Thank You for the precious moments that have been the shining stars of our past two weeks.
Thank You for my daughter's infectious laughter and glorious smile --
the sound of her voice and the sound of her name are both reminders of
Your amazing love. And she already loves You, Lord -- oh how she
loves You! She's perfect, Lord, and I love her so much!
Thank You for the gift that is our little girl!
Thank You for my son's precious eyes, big as saucers, that emphasize
every story and dance at every delight. Thank You for his vivid
imagination, amazing strength, and sweet heart. Holy God, he is
everything I ever prayed for, perfect and precious -- Thank You for him!
Father, I never dreamt of the kind of love I have for those precious
angels now sleeping in their beds. You've made even the "hard
days" precious, Lord, and I see eternity in their eyes. Thank You
for this privilege, Lord! I love You, I love my family, and I
love this amazing calling.
My cup runeth over, surely goodness and mercy are following me each day
of my life; one thing I ask, that I may dwell in the House of my LORD
and gaze on Your beauty forever. And may my children delight to
do Your will because they've tasted the goodness of Your presence.
|
Comments
(0) Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
October 5, 2006
DELIGHTFUL!
Just DELIGHTFUL!
That's today! Absolutely DELIGHTFUL! Thank You, for this,
Father! Because YOU ARE AMAZING! And though I don't deserve
this kind of beautiful, peaceful day, and so I'm twice as --
maybe a HUNDRED times -- more grateful for it.
And so, THANK YOU for this gift!
I love You, Lord! It's a beautiful, delightful day!
In Your Name,
Amen
|
Comments
(1) Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
September 21, 2006
Defining passion
Fabulous Dawn asked, "So, here is my question for you
what are you passionate about?... What issues or things burn in your heart?"
And it got me to thinkin'...
I am definitely passionate about... well... being passionate. Does that make sense?
See, I like to get excited.
Really. A lot.
And it's embarassing. Because what God created in me to be the
single flame scorching towards Him, burning with His Truth, quenched
only by His spirit, I tend to use like a cheap Zippo, flicking it
around here and there, whenever I feel like it. Ugh...
The worst part is definitely the misuse of what He created, but followed extremely closely by what that misuse of passion does.
See, the flame -- whether ignited in a small flicker or in a blow-torch
intensity -- has the power to do tremendous damage when unleashed
anywhere it isn't meant to go. Smokey the Bear reminded all us
'80s children that only we can prevent forest fires because it only
takes a match to start a forest fire. It only takes three words
of my mis-directed, ill-informed passion to completely wipe out the
shade and strength of friendship. It takes one white-hot blast of
passion to annihilate the lush greenery of intimacy. It only
takes a half-hearted spark, a thoughtless sputter, to begin a
smoldering mess that slowly eats away the solid and the present,
leaving nothing but ashes that cover what was in dirt and doubt in
anything that might someday be. And it only takes a harsh
critical wind, a drop of envy or jealousy or discontentment to
completely extinguish what flame is there.
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3
And there it is.
The only hope I have.
Jesus has come to release me from the captivity of my own directionless
passion. He has come to bring me out of the darkness of my own smoke.
And, O my SWEET LORD has come to give me beauty instead of ashes!
Ah, to behold His hand creating something lovely, beneficial, growing,
reconciliatory, useful, needed -- out of the scorched earth my raging
fire has laid bare -- what a gift! What a completely unmerited
gift!
And the best part? It says He has come to give me the oil of gladness instead of mourning! Hallelujah!
See, I understand that the oil here is primarily the kind that brings
healing (like a balm or salve), but I also know that any oil will
produce amazing flames! And a quality oil will burn a pure,
bright, vibrant fire with little smoke and amazing color!
According to my amazing scholar husband, that's why God asked for the
firstfruits from the olive press be burned in the Temple -- the first
oil was the purest, so it burned the sweetest aroma with the least
smoke or residue. PRAISE HIS NAME, that's what He's given to me
-- His very best that I may burn purely, centeredly for Him, shimmering
with a glow that is only possible with the heat of HIS passionate
heart, ablaze intensely without producing smoke that dims the sight of
His face or clouds the purpose of the passion.
So here I
am, LORD. All this is much easier to type than to embrace,
because I genuinely like to be excited. Thank You for the passion
that You placed in my heart, now may I offer back the charred remains
of what I've done with it? Please teach me YOUR purposes;
inscribe Your Word on my heart, may I live and breathe it.
Because I have to echo my brother, Paul: that which I LONG to do,
I don't do, and that which I want desperately avoid, I do. Holy
God, the greatest accessible miracle is that Your strength is made
perfect in my weakness. So here it is. I release the fuse,
I surrender the ignition, and I repent for all the smoke I've
caused. Thank You for loving me... anyway. May the light of
my passion burn brightly before You to be a sweet smelling aroma of
worship, and may that light shine before others that they may see my
works and praise You, my Father in Heaven.
I am not worthy of You, O LORD,
but I am grateful!
Jesus, I am GRATEFUL.
|
Comments
(3) Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
September 16, 2006
Lessons learned today
OOooooo weeeeee..... I AM blessed!
Got a Holy Spirit spankin' today. It was good. It was really, REALLY good.
I've learned that I'm only accountable for the Truth I know -- that
with each moment, God will redeem the past, be present in my present,
and direct the future if I'm listening. If I'm listening.
Yesterday, my two favorite Ya-ya's and I discussed (in two separate
conversations) that the more we pour ourselves out in sacrificial
obedience for others (most notably our families) the more refreshed we
feel. Conversely, the days we indulge ourselves in the "Bon-bon
Lifestyle" make us feel less fulfilled, twice as frustrated, crabby and
tired. It's weird.
And it's all God's economy.
His ways are foolishness to the perishing, and His widom truly confounds the wise.
My flesh would definitely, DEFINITELY say that staying up until 3-4am,
sleeping until noon, lounging about all afternoon, eating dinner out,
watching a movie or hanging out with friends, and then staying up late
again would make me happy. My flesh woul then concede that if
said schedule was an impossibility, then merely hanging out with my
children, not touching my house, rustling up whatever didn't bite me
first for dinner, and staying up late would make me happy-er.
Make sense? See, it does to me, too.
Because, I'm SELFISH.  (obviously,
your agreement does NOT denote your selfishness, it simply shows that
God has given you discernment to pray for sad people like me...
right???)
So why is it, on those days I do indulge, that I
wind up feeling more miserable than when I started? Even worse, why do
I feel more tired than the days I'm hitting it hard?
Here's what happened today:
I got up joyfully this morning -- seriously, I was READY for the day --
and helped Little Bit and IttyBitty get ready for preschool. We
were out the door on time, in the drop off line right before class, it
was great. I came home, drank coffee, ate breakfast (which is a
rare treat), and had my quiet time. Then I hit my kitchen; as I
cleaned, I listened to some GREAT Bible teaching. After the
kitchen was done, I sat down to answer a couple of emails and check on
some business stuff for my husband. Then I picked up some in the living
room and answered phone calls/msgs. By that time, I needed to go
pick up angels. We got home and made sandwiches on my fabulous
new Krups Sandwich Express (a Salvation Army find, another blog
entirely!), the littles LOVED helping, and then we read and enjoyed
each other and talked, then it was time for their naps. While
they napped, I worked on the living room.
Then I lost momentum. For one thing, I was tired, but I was also lazy. Let me be honest.
Because, as my best friend so adeptly put it -- when we don't "feel"
_____, our rebellion comes out in our schedules and our eating.
Ouch.
Sooooo... for the rest of naptime, I hung out on the computer. I
sorta thought about what I was going to do for dinner. I talked
on the phone.
I did nothing productive; not even rest
(hey, sometimes the MOST profitable thing a mother can do is take a
nap! I don't care who you are or what your background or how
you're wired, sometimes, your body needs rest. Check Elijah's
experience if you don't believe me).
So by the time the angels
woke up, I had NO desire to do ANYTHING. Fortunately, that was
FINE with them. We literally sat on the couch and played and
talked for hours. Oh yes, and Mommy of the Year turned on the
TV. (Hold your applause, please. Oh wait! You were
just raising your hands in shock! HEY! I'm not that
bad! They have on clean underwear and their teeth are
brushed! I'm pretty sure!)
For dinner? Frozen
pizza. And no, not the kind I milled the wheat, proofed it, froze
it w/toppings in a handy bag for later. We're talking
Tostinos. Ewww I know. I ain't proud; the Bible says to
confess your sins one to another; consider me confessed. Just
when you think it couldn't get any worse, when I told my littles,
"Guess what! We're having PIZZA!!!" they ran to the front door
looking for the pizza man. I'm not kidding. Proverbs 31
says, "She brings her food from afar" in our case, she can also have it
delivered in 30 minutes or less. And her children know
that. 
It was a quiet evening; we're nearly done with our condensed classics
version of Alice In Wonderland. Tomorrow, we're driving to the
northside of town to pick D up & hit a special exhibit at the
convention center up there. So, really, a quiet evening and going
to bed early was a good thing for them.
My niece got home from
work at about 10:30 and brought home fries, chicken tenders, and
homemade chips from the restaurant. And you know, I didn't want
to hurt her feelings, so I ate it. And I stayed up to talk.
And now I'm staying up to tell you about it all. Isn't that nice???
But here's the deal -- it wasn't a waste. I can see what
happened. I really was feelilng (not that feelings really matter
in the great scheme of things) great while I was "on task." Not
that I want to be legalistic about stuff, but since schedule is my
number one lack, it does ooze all over everything else. Now, I
wouldn't trade a moment for the laughs we shared on the couch today --
I even made IttyBitty say "marble" for me again... heeeheeeheeee!!!!!
-- my children are not only my greatest joy, but if I'm going to ignore
responsibilities, it's DEFINITELY going to be in favor of time with
them! I just LOVE it!
So I did learn today...
was anything I did particularly sinful? Like, any moral
violations? No, not nearly. My children were loved on,
attended to, well fed, clothed, protected, our home was functional,
pleasant, it wasn't bad.
It just wasn't His best.
And
if I'm here on this planet, that's what I want. I can't be
perfect; I don't know that I want to be -- *I* don't really need to be
anything to me because then *I* start thinking I don't need *Him* so
much. But I do want to press hold; I want the goal of holiness to
be closer with every passing day. THAT's what I want for my
children -- to see Him as worthy, to see Him as more than enough.
Lord, my head is shaking internally, because I know that to the one who knows what to do and does it not, it is sin.
Father, I have sinned. Royally.
I'm not just going to ask for Your forgiveness, I'm REPENTING. I
don't want to walk down this street again. I want to borrow from
Chambers and "trust God and do the next thing." Lord, would You
please create in me a clean heart and a STEADFAST spirit???
Lord, You are so holy, and You are so beyond what we could ever hope to
deserve; yet You make Your home in sinful hearts crowded in tiny rooms
of "here You are, Lord, have a seat" when You desire the keys to the
whole house. God, have my house. The dwelling of my
motivations and the abode of my thoughts. Have my physical home
and all that is in it. I won't lie, I like "my way" a lot.
But I LOVE You.
And Your best is beautiful. Please help me live in it, walk it out, enjoy it, share it, pass it on.
YOU are beautiful, Lord. Thank You for the spanking,
Father. I have learned, and I will never be the same. You
chasten those whom You love and Your Word will not return void.
I praise You! Thank You for loving me so much.
|
Comments
(5) Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
|
|
|
|
