I think I do better just living autism then talking about it. I talked about it quite a bit (for me) & it's actually got me drained. It was probably in part the difficult week & particularly difficult day as well.

Big Guy had a real bad day today. He's had volatile days but it's been getting more frequent the past couple of months. That kind of behavior can be draining on a consistent basis.

On top of it Ladybug I is having issues & is very cranky this week. I suspect more teeth. She doesn't handle the teething thing too well. I give chamomile & it helps a bit. They both won't eat anything but a bit of organic baby food sweet potato, although they took a few tiny bits of fresh banana today.

School is keeping up. We worked through, with a short break in late July, early August. The break was only because of me. I typically run on very low fuel daily, so to speak, but my meter had hit empty so I had to stop for a short while. I'm back on low, puttering along, with many balls juggling at one time. Every now & then one falls so I have to pick up again & try harder at keeping them all in the air.

Almost everyone has issues that need dealing with right now. I have a consult with the boys homeopath week from tomorrow, so I've got to start readying my notes for the month & get the refill & discussion sheets filled out. I have another consult with Ladybug I's homeopath also next week. All are in the afternoons so hopefully we can get the bulk of school done beforehand. I probably won't plan for a heavy week in that regard.

Little Guy had such a spacey, lost look on him tonight; seemed moreso than usual. It was just one of those times when that is hard to see. I tearfully got him ready for bed; he was so tired. I guess I am too.

Tomorrow is school in the morning & supermarket pickup in the afternoon. This weekend I must get to the library; I hope they will have all my "requests" in for pickup by then, as I just can't get there during the week. A health food store visit is a must too.

I have a few new curriculum to look through & organize. I want to make a general guide for myself in getting things done & I need a lesson plan made for next week. At some point I need to get my phone consult notes, refill sheets, & discussion sheets ready for next Friday. There's a new autism information guide in for me to get through, & another RDI training module to accomplish, since we are way behind in that now.

Life on the spectrum continues...

Butterfly enjoyed coloring her new Imagifriends coloring book, & had fun with her colors...



I especially liked this page, since they looked like "twin" Imagifriends!

I received a really nice email recently from a young man, D.J. Svoboda, who described himself as an "autistic artist". After a little background, he directed me to his website & to his first book & accompanying coloring books. He has created over 3,000 colorful & friendly characters! My interest was peaked, so I ordered the book & 2 of his coloring books.

Charmingly hand written & colorfully illustrated, D.J. Svoboda describes a young boy named Joshua who has autism. He is walking home from school, saddened by yet another day of being mistreated by his classmates due to his differences. Joshua feels "very hurt & bad inside". Joshua loves using his imagination, so on his way home alone, he steps into a whole different, wonderful world called "Imagiville". There are some "very special loving people" there called "The Imagifriends".

This is a world of "joy" & "kindness", where "anything is possible". The Imagifriends greet him warmly & happily, & offer him nice treats such as a  "juicy dapple fapple". Most of all they remind Joshua he is loved & very special.

Joshua feels better & better but the sadness of his day still lingers as he walks & interacts with these friendly creatures. The Imagifriends continually reassure Joshua that he is very loved, that he should ignore hurtful things that are said to him, & that "the autistic & the handicapped are special too". They reassure him that they & many others really love him, but the big change in Joshua comes when he is told how much "God & Jesus" love him so very much.

All of a sudden Joshua can smile & his heart is lighter. He is encouraged by this truth of how God loves people who are autistic. In the end the author reassures his readership that they are very, very loved, just the way they are.

His closing verse is Psalm 139:14 - I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

This is such a touching book. Having autistic children, both higher & lower functioning, made me appreciate this book as their mother so much. Granted, as homeschoolers,  they are not exposed to the cruelty of the classroom, although we've had a taste of what we're missing (which makes me thankful we're missing it). But they have to go out in the world, a world that is very often cruel to anyone who is different.

I'm reassured that this talented artist has faith, & knows the Lord. I wrote to thank him for contacting me, as he & his mom found me in my little corner of the web here, & I'm so glad they did! I asked if I could share his testimony, & he was more than willing. Here is what he wrote:

"I found The Lord years ago when I was a young boy, I was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. During that time growing up with Autism was very tough in early life. There were times in School when I was made fun of and was treated mean. When I started middle School I used to do a lot of doodling and sketching, but when I started High School I decided it was time to get serious, I did a lot of drawing and in 2001 is when The Imagifriends had their very first website and when they were born which is October 19, 2001. I felt that The Lord wanted me to be a artist to help all those with Autism and Disabilities and to help them know how very special they are and can make a great difference in the world. The Lord loves them all very much just as The Lord loves everyone too. The Imagifriends teach about acceptance and many other great things, one other big thing that they teach is that as long as someone has a very good heart it never matters what he or she looks like. The Imagifriends care about everyone and always do great things to help many others, as well as those with Autism."

His book is a great reminder to look past the superficial. The Lord wants a pure heart. He knows & sees all. So many children grow up like this author, being mistreated for something they cannot control. I pray they all find His saving grace & feel His love in their lives, no matter what is going on around them here in this world.

Do visit his website here.
Watch a video about D.J. Svoboda here.
To purchase his books go here.

My sweet Little Guy turns 3 years old tomorrow...  & I'm very sad.

He had come such a long way. When he was born he ended up in the NICU from a pnemothorax. That was his first round of antibiotics. Thankfully, he healed quickly & came home with me, after 4 days in the NICU & one with me in my room.

Then the eczema started, & lasted, for months. I blogged here all about my search, trials & errors to help him heal. Finally, while still nursing him, with enough of my own food eliminations, he cleared up.

Before


Then the respitory illnesses... at 8 months old two rounds of steroids & another round of antibiotics. His regular ped wanted him on major meds; I thought he'd die for sure. Finally, I found our natural doctor, & Little Guy bounced back, & got stronger.

My Little Guy was failure to thrive for several months during the peak of his eczema, budding gut illness, & respitory attacks. But after a year old, he finally got into solids, had a few months of some good supplements under his little belt, & he began to gain weight.

He was delayed; there was no doubt. His system was not handling things well, he was on toxic overload, & he had gut illness & viruses. But the zeolites that were meant to "detox" him, unleashed way too many toxins into his little system, too many for his body to eliminate, & he disintegrated into full blown autism, at just before turning 2 years old.

Now here I sit, waiting for tomorrow to come, to "celebrate" his 3rd birthday.

Today, I went out & bought him balloons. There are still a bunch leftover from his sisters' birthday, but I was determined for him to have his very own.

We live in a rural area, & have a very dinky party store in town. Since I hadn't planned well, & thought I could actually get out recently to go to a better party store but of course could not, they didn't have anything he really likes except Clifford. So I got him 2 Clifford balloons, a Happy 3rd Birthday, & one with his name & age on it. I also picked up some paper plates with animals on them, matching cups, napkins, & Happy Birthday banner. I got a green tablecloth too, to make it look more festive for him tomorrow, even though he'll probably be the first to pull it right off.

I also got him a number 3 candle, to put on the SCD banana bread, if I get the chance to make it for him tomorrow, since he cannot have any typical cake. If I can't do that I'll put it on an SCD muffin, which he eats everyday & really enjoys.

I walked in with everything & he barely noticed. He sometimes likes balloons but didn't pay any attention to the ones I got for him.

At least I know he's not disappointed by my choices, which is all they had, since he can't say what he wants, or care about what he has.

I hope he'll like the gifts I chose for him, since he could not tell me what he would like to receive.

It will be a very quiet day; there's no real party. It will be me & the other children most of the day. His father usually takes off for birthdays, but had to work tomorrow.

He'll get his presents early, since waiting until later in the day is no fun for anyone. They're all tired by then. This way he'll have them to "play" with all day if he wants, if he is interested in them at all.

I had no idea three years ago I'd be going through this yet again, with another dear sweet child.

He does not know it's his birthday tomorrow, & could not give any input on what he would have liked. He's not able to participate in his own birthday, same as Big Guy, for all these years. Now another child cannot have a normal, happy, birthday either.

He'll probably circle things all day, wander around aimlessly with various things in his hands, humming but not talking because he can't, staring into space at times, falling a lot, & whining for food or water because he cannot tell me what he wants. Hopefully, I can get a picture of him without his "chewey bib" he constantly has to wear lately.

Autism doesn't "take off" for birthdays.

I pray he gets some enjoyment out of things, out of the decorations, the bread or muffin with the candle on it, the song sang just for him, the new toys, his "special day", even if he doesn't really know, maybe by God's grace he'll feel a bit "extra special" tomorrow.

I pray he'll always know how much I love him, no matter what happens.

I pray, the Lord will have mercy, & if it be His will, that He restore my sweet Little Guy to normal development & full health, so that maybe by the time he turns 4 next year, he can truly understand & fully enjoy his birthday.

Almost three

Well, another month has gone by with our homeopathic treatments. We've completed month 3 & will start the new month's series of packets & supports by next week probably. I had phone consults for both boys today with our homeopath & was on the phone for over an hour. Thankfully, Mike was home to help with the babies because they got cranky just when I needed to get on the phone!

We had a lot to talk about, regarding Little Guy in particular. We spent over an hour on what was supposed to be a 1/2 hour consult just for him, then another 20m or so for Big Guy.

Big Guy had his usual reactions & detox symptoms this past month, including heavy urinating, some diarrhea, other kinds of, ahem, "eliminations" that are yeasty in kind, some meltdowns, giddiness, extra "stimmy" behaviors, etc. He has some little things he does here & there that are interesting; kind of reaching out, or an interaction now & then. Those are all good.

She'll be working on clearing the effects of x-rays for a hairline wrist fracture Big Guy had a few years ago, any lingering physical traumas from that injury, & clearings from past DMSA & DMPS chelators. There's always a bunch of support remedies, many the same as we've been using, but some will change. She'll be ramping up the supports for parasite cleansings this coming month for him as well.

Little Guy has had an exaggeration of some of his regular behaviors, meaning, he's gotten a bit worse in some ways. This was difficult, but often happens. They look for improvements after the initial regressions though, & that hasn't happened yet. It's been a bit discouraging lately, but we'll press on; she had many ideas for moving forward.

Our homeopath has done a lot of research for Little Guy, because he had such a severe reaction to the zeolites he had last year at this time. They've helped many people improve, & for others, like Big Guy, they've done nothing. But for a few, there are bad effects, & unfortunately Little Guy was one of those few. Due to our limited but very bad experience with them, I would not recommend anyone to ever try zeolites.

Since they are not like a medication like Diflucan, or a chelator like DMSA, they cannot be "cleared" the same straightforward way homeopathically. So she's done a lot of research into what they are & what they do, so she can treat Little Guy & somehow relieve him of their effects. She has determined a few things, & will be working on clearings for their effects using what she has learned this coming month.

His supports will be mostly the same, with a few changes. She continues to chelate homeopathically for lead, as he has "markers" for that type of toxicity. Although we cannot pinpoint a source, lead is almost unavoidable sometimes. She explained there can often be a high concentration of lead just in the air. There's not much one can do to avoid all these toxins sometimes, unfortunately. Our bodies have to be able to process it out well enough to continue to function in some state of health, & therein lies Little Guy's major problem.

She was a bit perplexed by his reactions, but feels pretty strongly he's just not able to process out toxins & his body is terribly overburdened. There are certain herbal type supplements they use for drainage, but they can be very strong tasting & Little Guy has lots of trouble with strong tastes, therefore we just cannot use them for him. She's working hard on finding homeopathic solutions to his problem, & get his body to move those toxins out.

A strange turn of events this past month with Little Guy was his total rejection of all his vitamins. I always gave him vitamins & supplements mixed into his goat yogurt every morning. This has gone on for months successfully. A few others might be mixed into applesauce, but only a little as he can't have too much of that & they don't hide as well there. But he doesn't want any of it anymore. I've taken to mixing just a few priority ones together, adding a tiny bit of juice & using a dropper for him like I do for Big Guy (he always takes things so easily that way!). It's still very much a struggle, & he often doesn't even get all of that.

He is, however, coming to me easily for his remedies now. He opens right up & very happily takes it all down (it's very little at a time, & is like funny tasting water).  Considering the monumental issues he had with his remedies this is a huge turn of events for him. There is often an increase when the new remedies arrive which he hasn't liked so far, so it should be interesting to see how he reacts to that this time.

All the new remedies should be in later this week or early next week. That day I will have the big monthly task of sorting through everything, putting aside the refills I don't yet need, adding in the new to the regular mix, & re-doing the lists & check off sheets I keep of all their remedies for each of them. It's always a big task & I'm glad when it's finished, all is organized, & I can start the new packets & supports.

We're entering a very difficult time; Little Guy & Big Guy both have birthdays coming up. I never thought we'd have spent a year of Little Guy's life trying to recover him from autism. He's going to be 3 & it won't be a normal birthday as last year's wasn't either. I hope he can enjoy his presents a bit, even if he doesn't yet understand what's going on. I can't even make any cake for him as he's still so allergic to everything. I'll probably put a candle in an SCD muffin & we'll sing to him that way; Storyman can blow it out for him, until he's able to do it himself, someday, hopefully.

Big Guy is a whole other story; way too many birthdays have passed for him this way. It's not until next month for him, & at almost 14 & severely autistic I have no idea what to get for him, except maybe some Fall clothes he might need. At least I can make him a GFCF cake, even though he can't have more than one piece (no feeding the yeast beast); Storyman can blow out his candle as well, since Butterfly handled that for the Ladybugs.

I pray for the day they can fully enjoy it all & blow out their own candles.

Continuing life on the spectrum...

I wasn't sure whether to address this at all, not sure if I should waste precious time, frankly. Many of you may have heard of a certain media personality's recent comments regarding autistic children. There are many reactions one could have to such an ignorant tirade, & I decided to share some thoughts.

Outrage is understandable. Our children (& the parents) suffer enough just living in the state they are, then to have abusive language heaped on them on top of that seems inexcusable. Yes, it can hurt to have someone judge our children, & us as parents, based on no reason or fact at all, so harshly. The comments were almost so cruel it feels like a physical assault of sorts.

Another reaction would be sadness, hurt, & deep concern. The callousness of such comments could cause so many who don't know any better, & won't take a moment to find out the truth, to judge us & our children the same way. What kind of treatment does this set up our families for out in society?  There are so many people who choose to listen to & believe such negative comments, so words such as these can have far reaching consequences for many of us.

Unbelievably, I actually found myself chuckling a bit over this at times. It's so incredibly off the mark that when not taking anything else into account, it's almost laughable how a person can speak as such an arrogant authority on something he obviously knows nothing about.

Let's take this apart a bit, from my own point of view...

My own observations of certain comments (that I will not repost here; see link for ugly details):

Now, number one, I never would have asked his opinion on this, but he felt some inclination to give it, despite not having any apparent knowledge on the subject, & obviously not having any personal experience at all.

As a side note on the asthma comments, asthma is also a growing condition that is a by product of vaccinations, & can be most often alleviated by giving up dairy products (our practitioners agree Little Guy would probably be asthmatic if I hadn't cut out offending foods from his diet), but I digress...

Now, most families with autistic children that I know of, are not benefiting from it in any way, in particularly, not financially. Many have given up or lost almost everything in an effort to finance their children's recovery. DAN! doctors cost thousands of dollars, & many of them are not covered by insurance. Our homeopaths also cost thousands, & are not covered by insurance. Guess what? No one is paying for our children's needs except us, as best we can.

I also don't see autistic kiddos benefiting off the educational system, as most schools cannot provide the individual attention each child with autism needs. Many of the kids are just falling through the cracks. Unless he considers "extra help" being confined in a restraint for hours a day, then we might be talking here.

Regarding autistic children really just being "brats" (again see link for ugly details):

Whew, what a relief. I thought maybe Big Guy was still soiling his diaper, at almost 14yrs old, because he had sensory issues & auditory processing disorders, as well as leaky gut, parasites, candida, & the titers that tell us he has very high viral activity in his body. I thought he pounded his head on the wall because he was having pain & frustration over that pain & the fact he couldn't share that information with us so we could effectively help him, since he is non verbal. 

But maybe he's really not non verbal after all! Maybe he's just a "brat" refusing to talk! That must be why he makes all those odd noises all day long. Wouldn't anyone much rather live like that then carry on a conversation with another human being? I bet the commentor would too! (I bet he'd even still have an active audience).

Hmmmm... I just told Big Guy to "cut the act out". It didn't work. He's still busy waving that toy around in front of his face, which of course is much more fun than reading a book or playing a game.

My children do have a father around by the way, as so many autistic children still do, & I bet if he was to say that to our autistic children, they would probably still give him a smile & hug, even if they can't say "Okay dad." (Or, again, maybe they're only pretending to be non verbal).

On the screaming comment... maybe if the hum of a light sounded like an airplane going through your head you'd scream too...

And, just a thought... since when is it okay to call a child who can't speak for himself, even though the words might be there in their head, but the connection can't be made between the brain & the mouth because of neurological damage, a "moron"?

By the way, how do all those comments about "being a man" apply when the autistic child is a girl?

Oh, right, he believes autism doesn't exist. So how about the girls that act like my Big Guy, & worse? I guess they're just pretending too, because it's much more fun for a school age girl to sit in a dirty diaper, wave a toy in front of her face, slam her head into a wall, or glass window or door, & babble or make loud odd noises than play with other kids, right?

"Don't act like a girl." Is what my Big Guy does what girls do normally? Not from my rather limited experience in seeing other girls, or having been one myself at one time.

I can say that my children's father does not encourage his boys to act like girls, but again neither one of us realized that's the way girls act. Hmmmmm... maybe he's not just insulting autistic children, but girls as well.

I need to consider what the Bible says about folks like this:

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.
(Proverbs 11:12)

He who guards his lips guards his soul, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
Proverbs 13:3

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
Matthew 12:36

 A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings himself harm.
Proverbs 11:17

Another reaction could be pity. Pity for someone with such anger that he can so easily lash out at those helpless & unable to retaliate. As a follower of Jesus I'm commanded to forgive & pray...
 
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,
Matthew 5:44

In the end, it will all be sorted out in front of the Lord. 

This person needs prayers, because right now I can at least say that I know my kiddos will be seated around our Lord someday, where nothing more can hurt them.

For another commentary from another autism mom, please visit my dear friend, Karla's blog.

Boy do I dislike my family being called "parasites", especially by ignorant people who know nothing of our plight.

I'm speaking of a new nemesis to take up the "cause" of getting all kids brain damaged vaccinated. Apparently she's an actress of some sort, of which thankfully I don't follow much of that stuff anymore as that world is so far away from the Lord I feel like whenever it's brought to my attention it's from another time & place; a very dark one too.

This one is especially dark...you can read about it here.

It really bugs me when I'm told that my children should be vaccinated to autistic oblivion, or even death, because ignorant people are afraid they are a "risk" to their vaccinated children, when, in actuality, it is the other way around.

It really bugs me when people just assume that because their child(ren) got through vaccinations (& they may or may not never know the far reaching consequences everyone will suffer, how many IQ points were lost, how many cancer cells are budding, etc etc, etc.), that all children should be fine with getting injected with all types of toxic chemicals & aborted fetal tissues.

It really bugs me when I'm told I don't have the right to make choices for my children regarding everything, including their health of all things, & that their safety & future don't matter, because of the "greater good" - that doesn't exist.

It really bugs me when people assume that vaccinations saved the world, when if they did just a little research they'd find out that isn't at all true, but that the rates of the diseases they were meant to control were going down before the advent of mass vaccination, yet with more & more vaccinations given the rates of autism & other childhood diseases & conditions continue to rise.

It really bugs me when the information given to the general public through advertisements, doctors, etc, are backed by pharmaceutical companies yet no one realizes that or chooses to find out where that information originated.

It really bugs me when people prefer to keep their heads in the sand & not realize this issue is mostly about money (& population control), & has nothing to do with anyone's health.

It really bugs me when as a Christian, I'm told I should be allowing my children to be injected with chemicals that were never meant by our Creator to be put into our bodies, for what should be obvious reasons, & on top of that it should also be acceptable to me to have tissue cells from murdered babies
injected into my children.

It really bugs me when doctors & others roll their eyes or become dismissive regarding natural treatments, herbs, & homeopathy, even when there is obvious proof of their healing properties, yet feel toxic chemicals are "safe" inside a growing body that has no immune system to fight them off.

It really bugs me when people think there can be a "green" version of something so thoroughly toxic that if cleaned up it wouldn't even exist anymore.

It really bugs me when pediatricians & other medical professionals turn away parents who want to make informed choices for their children, choices they have a right to make & should be respected for making, & even moreso when they have the nerve to talk down to or even outright insult those conscientious, informed parents.

It really bugs me when someone reads a biased article or some other big pharma influenced or backed piece about vaccination &/or autism, take it as truth without thinking further on it, & assume that the families must be defective somehow & have no right to procreate because the world is only suited for "perfect" people - who don't exist.

It really bugs me when a parent is asked by a medical professional "Is s/he up to date on vaccinations?" when they were consulted for something completely unrelated that is inapplicable to that question.

It really bugs me when yet another person goes to school to learn how to be some kind of autism therapist or professional because there is a huge growing market for that type of profession.

It really bugs me when yet another family cannot afford natural treatments with great potential for their autistic child because those professionals charge incredible fees.

It really saddens me when I pray for a miracle for a small child dying from a cancer proven to exist because of a certain vaccination in mice & while being treated said child continues to be given vaccinations without thought even though the cancer keeps coming back, & now the doctors have all but given up on the child living much longer.

It really saddens me when yet another baby is found dead in a crib shortly after a vaccination was given yet there is no real cause of death given, just a label of SIDS, because no medical examiners would have the guts to admit there could even be a connection.

It really saddens me when yet another child or autistic person dies at the hands of those who should be caring for them, from restraints or other abuses.

It really saddens me when I read a post on an autism Yahoogroup from yet another heartbroken parent of a just diagnosed autistic child, desperately looking for help or hope from someone.

It really saddens me when I hear of another family affected by autism, how the child is suffering, how the family is isolated & outright rejected by family & friends, how it's a "good day" when the mom can get through it without crying, how the marriage is falling apart, how they are struggling financially because most autism treatments are not covered by insurance if they even have it, how the siblings are hurting because of the loss of a brother or sister they cannot play with normally...

Perhaps a few days should be spent with an "autistic family"...

...changing a teenager's dirty diaper; getting headbutted by an older severe child having a meltdown; putting shatterproof glass in an autistic child's bedroom in case they have a fit & hit their head on it; cleaning up the poop a child with autism got out of his diaper & smeared all over his room; spending hours researching various treatments, paying thousands for said treatments, per month; spending hours mixing & administering vitamins, supplements, remedies, etc; researching therapies & finding the time to implement them properly; dealing with rude or unprofessional autism "professionals"; having to learn how to "play" with your own child instead of just enjoying time with them; not going anywhere ever because you never know how your child with autism will react; being cut off even from the church because of critical people or services & programs not friendly toward autism; having to worry about your autistic child running from you & getting lost in a public place or parking lot & getting hit by a car; having concerns about the neighbors' pools because so many autistic children are found floating in them; having to have all your doors locked & double locked even in nice weather, never letting in the fresh air, so your child cannot run out & get lost or end up in one of those pools; having to listen to unsolicited advice & criticism since certain others think they know more about what your child needs than you do; while other people celebrate birthday's & other milestones you dread your child's birthday because it's another year of not knowing what the future holds for him/her ...

... hold your just vaccinated child who is extremely lethargic & can barely rouse even to nurse, even after many hours; watch helplessly as your child seizures in response to recent vaccines, which now will become a lifelong "disorder";  be unable to control your child's incredibly high fever after a recent round of vaccines; not know why your child now lies on the floor staring at his/her hand when s/he used to enjoy playing & interacting with you; not be able to hug your child without s/he screaming in pain; watch your child become spacey & more interested in things rather than you; to watch helplessly in fear as your child literally slips away from you; wonder why the toys your child used to play with sit unused while s/he wanders around with certain things in his/her hand all day long; have your child cry unconsolably & be unable to tell you why so you don't know how to help him/her ...

... to never hear your child say "I love you mommy/daddy"...

Maybe you get the idea, but, not really. You can't possibly, unless you live it.

This is what the LORD says:
       "A voice is heard in Ramah,
       mourning and great weeping,
       Rachel weeping for her children
       and refusing to be comforted,
       because her children are no more." "
Jeremiah 31:15

The folks responsible for this destruction of children, & who choose to perpetuate this disaster & abomination, should tremble in fear...

If you're a follower of Jesus, there is hope...

 This is what the LORD says:
       "Restrain your voice from weeping
       and your eyes from tears,
       for your work will be rewarded,"
       declares the LORD.
       "They will return from the land of the enemy.

  So there is hope for your future,"
       declares the LORD.
       "Your children will return to their own land.
Jeremiah 31:16-17

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Come quickly, Lord...

We completed another month's homeopathic treatments. It seems both boys had a "peak of clear" this month, which just means they are clearing out toxins & such homeopathically, & the "clear" became obvious around a certain day after the last packet of remedies. Maybe I should elaborate a bit...

This is not "classical" homeopathy, in that one remedy is given at a time. This is "sequential" homeopathy, in that multiple remedies are given in an effort to peel back layers of assaults that have happened to the body over time. For many the classical approach works great; we tried it for Big Guy years ago (with a very well known & respected homeopath) & got no where. I do believe for some, particularly the severely autistic, the cases are way too complicated for the classical method.

So each month we discuss the boys. I keep a detailed log of anything that happens, including behaviorial & physical.  Before we started I wrote up a detailed timeline for each, starting from pre-birth to present; they work to heal layers starting from the present going backward in time.

Each month I receive packets, little envelopes, full of homeopathic pellets for each boy. It varies each month as to how many are received; this past month there were only 3 each. They are given in the evening, as close to bedtime as possible, one each night, until finished. We don't get any more packets until the following month. In between, & what I particularly like about these folks, is we get a plethora of "support" remedies, typically in liquid form but some are tablets & caps (that can be crushed & opened).  These are varied, but include antifungals, antivirals, MB12 (in homeopathic form - no shots!), mitochondrial support, heavy metals & other toxic clearings, etc.

Most recently for Big Guy she had to "clear" away any of the repressive effects of the antifungal & antiviral medications. These medications are typically not healing, they are repressive, so they have to be cleared from the system. She was very happy to hear he had limited useage of them, so it shouldn't take terribly long to get past that.

Big Guy had a violent reaction to the antifungal medication Nystatin many years ago when given for a very short time (for obvious reasons we stopped), but then he had a bit of a bad reaction again earlier this year when it was reintroduced for again, a short time. (Nystatin doesn't even work on systemic yeast, so it wasn't helpful anyway). At the "peak of clear", a few days after the last packet was given, he had a few enormous meltdowns that haven't been typical lately. This could very well have been a Nystatin clearing. Very often when a certain something is cleared, it causes a very similiar reaction leaving as it did when first presented. So that was actually good to have happen.

For Little Guy, she was clearing the effects of some x-rays he had back in November for his shoulder (good to get the negative effects of radiation out of his body), & trying to help him past any physical or emotional trauma from when he split his lip, damaged his gum & front tooth back in April (story here). It was interesting to note this month, that several days after his last packet, he woke up crying in the middle of the night which is very atypical of him. It lasted only a few minutes & he went back to sleep, with nothing apparently wrong. He was fine the next day & since. She noted that as a possible clearing effect as well; possibly some lingering emotional trauma released.

This coming month presents a particular concern for Little Guy in that she'll be clearing some Diflucan (heavy duty antifungal med) he had back in November, which caused him to have a respitory attack which ended him up in the ER with more steroids (major backsliding there). The clearing may cause another respitory reaction. Thankfully, in the support remedies she will have one particular to preventing that, which I'm to keep him on through a good 10-15 days after his last packet. Then if nothing seems amiss I can taper him off of it. Hopefully, nothing will happen.

Both boys have had major "yeasty" reactions this month, both physically & behaviorally, & Little Guy continues to obsessively chew his shirts, necessitating constant use of a bib to save his shirts from an untimely end from tooth marks. In fact, we may have to head out today to pick up more bibs as they have to meet a certain criteria (no heavy dyes, no strings or other chokables, big enough for an almost 3 year old, etc...sigh)...

As for our consults this month, we talked a lot about parasites again, as both boys have many markers for them. This coming month's treatments will begin to include remedies for parasites, but will start slow & build up. They are not easy to get rid of if a real problem. Ridding them has to come with healing the gut, because when the gut is terribly messed up that kind of environment helps parasites thrive. It all ties in together, the metals cannot come out, the viruses cannot come out, the yeast is systemic & continues throughout, & the parasites thrive; not a healthy state of being at all.

The crux of it all is both boys have major issues with excreting toxins, as do most autistics because that is why the vaccinations (Big Guy) & medications (Little Guy) cause them to become autistic. Their bodies are on complete overload & cannot process out the toxins so they build up inside creating havoc. It will be an ongoing process to help them become stronger so they can release these toxins & begin to really heal.

The new set of packets, new support remedies, & any repeat support remedies needed should be in this week sometime. When it comes in that same afternoon I will need to redo my sheet where I check off the remedies as I give them throughout the day. There will be some that will change so it always needs updating. Then I have to make room in the cabinet for everything & organize so it's all accessible. Homeopathics need to be kept away from heat & any strong smells. I still have them in the kitchen but in a cabinet with doors that we use for books, which is away from the counters, stove, crockpot, etc. I cleared part of the top shelf just for them, & may have to make more room up there as we go along.

Continuing on in life on the spectrum...

I'm so glad about this; I don't like the Autism Speaks organization at all. They had a video circulating around the web that if someone would watch it their organization would get money "for autism". They also have "donate for autism" signs in Toys R Us & probably other places as well. Please don't bother contributing, because most likely you're not helping anyone with autism.

If you'd like to help the autism community, find the families who need people. Offer to learn about their situation with an open mind & heart, offer respite, shop for them, or just be a friend, because sometimes that's all they need.

Then you'll really be contributing toward helping the autism community.

Here's the article link, & reprinted below:

PITTSBURGH, July 3 Pa-autism-insurance

PITTSBURGH, July 3 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Yesterday in a historical and unprecedented move, the Pennsylvania legislature voted nearly unanimously in the affirmative for House Bill 1150 to mandate commercial insurance companies to cover some services for children with autism.  The bill, introduced by House Speaker Dennis M. O'Brien, requires insurance companies to cover up to $36,000 of autism-related treatment for individuals less than 21 years old.

In nearly one full week of roller-coaster negotiations with the House Banking and Insurance Committee, headed by Senator Don White, the bill was stripped of all useful language, leaving Pennsylvania children with autism vulnerable to denials of coverage.  House Speaker O'Brien, along with Pennsylvania Governor Edward G. Rendell and Secretary Estelle Richman of the Department of Public Welfare joined in condemning the gutting of the bill.  "The current version of HB 1150 may look like it gives coverage to families affected by autism, but it's an illusion.  This version will actually hurt some families who have kids with autism.   This risk is unacceptable," said Speaker O'Brien in a statement released on June 29, 2008.

Autism Speaks, a national organization that conducts fundraising for research, and their paid lobbyists from Ikon, Inc., made several back-door concessions on the bill without the consent of Speaker O'Brien.  In an unparalleled move, the entire Pennsylvania and national autism community stood in unity to support Speaker O'Brien to say "Only the Speaker Speaks for me."  Over 62 organizations across Pennsylvania and nationally converged to show support for the Speaker, who has a nephew with autism.

This is an amazing effort on the part of the entire autism community to tell Autism Speaks that the children come first, not politics," said Cindy Waeltermann, President of AutismLink, a statewide Pennsylvania autism advocacy and information organization.   "I think it is abundantly clear that Autism Speaks is not speaking for Pennsylvania.  I've never seen this type of grassroots activity in all my years in the autism community.  This level of unity definitely sends a clear message, but is Autism Speaks listening?"

State Senator Jane Clare Orie, head of the Pennsylvania Autism Caucus touted the document as "a gold standard of care" for Pennsylvanians.

"Only with Speaker O'Brien's amendments, does HB 1150 become the strongest autism insurance legislation in the nation," said Karen Woodings, former president of the Autism Society of America, Greater Harrisburg Area Chapter.  "I find it difficult to comprehend any autism organization not supporting the Speaker's desire to pass the strongest bill possible.  I was proud that the Autism Society of America stood firmly behind Speaker O'Brien on a local, state, and national level.  The support of Pennsylvanians affected by autism enabled Dennis O'Brien to fight for his bill and leave a legacy that will last far beyond his time as Speaker of the House."

ABOUT AUTISMLINK - Established in 1999, AutismLink is Pennsylvania's largest autism information and education network.  To learn more about AutismLink, visit www.autismlink.com.

SOURCE:  AutismLink

We're at the end of our second month of treatments. Little Guy has been settling into taking his remedies again, for the most part. He won't sit up nicely for me, but there's been a huge improvement in his cooperation, for which I'm thankful. I always give him a great cheer when we're all done, & his little Ladybug sisters are his cheering section as well, since they love to clap.

I couldn't catch it, but Ladybug II always claps for him & her sister very often does now as well; they enjoy the hoopla for him everyday, especially in the morning when this was taken:

I can hardly believe the Ladybugs are 10 months old already. It seems like this time last year wasn't that long ago. Time goes by too fast & is oh so precious.

There's always that bit of a "fog" that surrounds me after a new baby arrives. It typically doesn't lift for maybe 3 months or so. By then I've usually got a new routine going & baby is along for the ride just fine. This time it didn't go quite that smoothly or quickly. The last year has been tough, but not for why one would probably think.

Having twins was quite an event, & I'm enormously blessed. They have kept me above water this year, I believe, & lifted me up in the saddest of moments.

It was tough enough having my Big Guy & his severe autism, when then just 2 weeks after my babies were born my Little Guy was officially diagnosed with autism as well.

Talk about a postpartum punch...

Thankfully I had lots to do, nursing two, homeschooling, & happily, there were several homeschoolers bringing by meals every now & then. That really helped keep me going. It was good to see such supportive people regularly, & I knew they were praying as well.

Then that support ended, as I had to cut them loose at some point, & if I had been floating before it was like I suddenly lost my life preserver & down I went.

It suddenly hit me: I had two kids with pretty severe autism.

My Little Guy was not doing what he was doing before. All I could think about was him "before". It was like reliving Big Guy's downfall all over again. My stomach churned upon each memory, & extreme sadness hung over me everyday. All this & trying to get homeschool done for two others daily.

From the time the Ladybugs were about 3 months old, I had been doing hours & hours of biomed research to help my kiddos. Little Guy was minimally responsive, & worse yet, he would make a gain & then lose it. That happened several times. Hope seemed lost forever. Not another one; I couldn't lose another one of my babies.

Sometimes I need the Lord to hit me over the head with a 2x4. This situation qualified. My heart was completely broken. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, or what I was supposed to do that was right.

Now, almost a year later, the fog is starting to lift. The sadness is there but is no longer despair. I know their future is in the Lord's Hands, & He means them no harm (Jer 29:11). I'm also humbled to know how much He wants me with Him & in total obedience to Him. Following means obeying, & obeying means love. He wants no less than that from His people.

No matter what, this requires a lot of learning, a lot of praying, a lot of growing, & a lot of changing. It keeps me in almost constant prayer. When not, the difference is felt immediately.

Obedience brings joy.

I have to really saturate myself or else it goes so quickly. I've always truly felt this is a spiritual battle, & even though the battle is His, I have to be on His side to win.

I had our first monthly consult with the homeopath regarding both boys. I had few updates on Big Guy for her, but he has reacted a little, in a detox sort of way. Detox isn't pretty by the way.

He has had some bad body odor that just doesn't respond to washing, & excessive urination (resulting in excessive laundry). He was quieter & calmer than usual the first couple of weeks, but that has changed dramatically lately. He's climbing & stimming more. He's also had quite a few meltdowns this past week. They have provided an emotional relief type remedy for such instances, & it does tend to help.

Little Guy has improved somewhat socially; he's played with us all a bit more. It's all physical, like chase or throwing a ball around, but when the interactions happen they're wonderful! Little Guy had a nice game of ball with me & Storyman the other morning; awesome!

He also has reoccuring rashes (kinda typical of him), some restless nights, & his diarrhea seemed to get a bit worse in the beginning, & now is back to his usual problems. (Yes, more extra laundry & spot remover usage as a bonus). His stimming is pretty much the same as usual.

He makes more messes lately, enjoys climbing on & into things a lot, & obsessively chews his shirt almost constantly.

They go by "markers", basically behaviors are telling of physical symptoms. This is the case for many things anyway, as tests aren't always reliable to pick up certain problems.

Big Guy seems to have markers for parasites; this is a nasty problem to get rid of. Unfortunately, Little Guy has markers for this as well, & for candida & virals. Basically, both boys probably have extremely damaged guts. No big surprises there; I've been working on that anyway, but to no avail. I had even bought some herbals to try for parasites late last year, as I had already suspected this for some time. I'm glad not to go it alone on this one though. They've had success with these issues, & can guide us through, but it will most likely take a while.

It would all make sense, as she mentioned many of the "non reponders" (as my kiddos tend to be) have these issues all wrapped up together, along with metal toxicity for a bonus. The viral load has to go down so that the body can release the metals on its own.

My kiddos have definite trouble with unloading their toxins... so their bodies are over burdened.

She's happy with our naturals that the boys are on (that is, all their present vitamins & supplements). By the way, if you're using Kirkman's products, watch for Sucralose in some of their products. It's basically chlorine, toxic, & you wouldn't want your child injesting it. For their products, I always look for hypoallergenic. They do list all ingredients for each product on their website.

My autism practitioner emailed me today about trying the kiddos out on some of my liquid vitamin D3 (which I tend to forget to use for myself!). Our homeopath felt it was extremely important. I will be adding that in for each of them in their daily supplements.

Each monthly group of remedies includes pellet packets for several days in a row, & a bunch of liquid dropper "support" & other remedies to help throughout the month. This kind of sequential homeopathy works from the most recent assault on the body moving back in time. I typed up detailed timelines on both boys from pre-birth to present; she will be starting to work on them with the next group of remedies. First on the agenda for Big Guy is to "clear" his body of all the antiviral & antifungal meds. Thankfully he wasn't on them for very long, but it will probably take a few months to clear these from his system.

For Little Guy she will work on clearing some x-rays he received late last year for an arm injury (radiation), then probably next month she'll move on to the couple of days of antifungal meds he had before he got sick again. Gut healing will be a continual process for both boys.

One step at a time...

Our new remedy pack will arrive sometime next week, & I'll have to re-do my daily check off chart for each boy. I continue to try to keep a daily record of behaviors & reactions, & our next consult will be the first week of July.

Life on the spectrum continues...

We've only got a few modules left on our e-training for the RDI parent objectives. We hadn't done this training previously, & both agree it's been very beneficial. I enjoy Dr. Gutstein's talks, & have picked up some encouraging information given our Big Guy is older & severe.

There is no difference, come adulthood, in autistic children who spoke early, & those who spoke later, even much later (into teens & beyond). In other words there is no advantage to speaking early rather than later. Some folks think if the non verbal autistic child could only talk, things would be great. That is not necessarily true. Autism is about much more than a lack of speech, & not all autistic people are non verbal. Regardless, most of the mainstream will have a parent thinking if a child hasn't spoken by ____ age (insert age you were told there as people get different information), then the likelihood is they are never going to speak. This is not true & I have heard otherwise many times.

You have probably heard a lot about a certain "window" of opportunity to help an autistic child. Once that "window" closes, there isn't as much, if any, hope for any type of recovery. Well, that's also a myth & a fallacy of autism. That isn't to say starting early isn't a good thing, but just because a child is older &/or severe does not mean all hope is lost, as the mainstream will have parents believe. The brain is actually always changing in life, & this means there is always hope, whether the autistic person be 4, 14, or 40. Don't let others steal hope for your child's future through these inaccurate & discouraging comments.

There is actually no proof, no formal long term studies done, to show that ABA & discrete trial type training has any more long term benefits than anything else done for autistic children. Apparently the end result in adulthood for those who have undergone this type of training, & for those who have not had anything done, seems to be about the same (rather bleak unfortunately).

There are certain terms in RDI, such as "static". Typical autism programs train; they do not teach. They train the child that you do this, & you'll get that (hopefully positive feedback, although, some programs do use negative consequences for non compliance). These programs teach "static" skills; things that are cut & dry & are done over & over again. They are skills that don't require much thought. Once accomplished, it may make the child more "socially acceptable", but it's all very superficial.

RDI is about relationships. It's about developing, in the autistic person, a way of coping with our ever changing, complex world. It's about working & playing with others, give & take interactions, problem solving, & thought provoking activities. It does not talk down to a child,or underestimate their abilities. It is also challenging, yet not enough to be frustrating. It is a step by step process & it takes time.

The next module in our e-learning may require some videos. When we actually get to implementing RDI fully again with our Big Guy we will be making frequent videos to keep in touch with our consultant, share concerns, & get feedback so we can continue to grow & learn with our son. I hope to share some of our work with our Big Guy on my video blog as well.

Staying tuned on the spectrum...

This new protocol is in addition to all the other vits & supps the kiddos are getting, so I definitely have added to my workload. First thing in the morning they need to have their remedies, as they have to be taken in a clean mouth (no food). At least 20m have to go by before eating. Big Guy has been easy, but Little Guy is putting up a fuss. He spits out some (as much as he can) of his remedies (that can only be mixed in water but taste very mild). This ordeal goes on 4x/day.

While waiting for the appropriate amount of time to go by, I mix up their vitamins for the morning. Since Big Guy has them more spread out I prepare 3 mixes for him to be taken with each meal. By the time that is done I make them breakfast. Little Guy still takes his vitamins with his goat yogurt. Big Guy takes them mixed in a little water, with a dropper.

A good 1/2 hour before lunchtime I get their midday remedies ready. Big Guy takes them down, then there's yet another little ordeal with Little Guy (Storyman helps because getting remedies down a strong, squiggly 2 year old is a two person job), then it's another good 20m until lunch. Little Guy takes his midday supps in a little natural, unsweetened applesauce. There's a new supplement they gave us that he's supposed to have 2x/day before meals which can be mixed in a little juice, but he won't drink it (go figure; neither boy ever gets juice & he's turning it down. Big Guy is loving it.). I've had to mix a bit in his yogurt in the morning, & then in his applesauce, but he's not getting the full dosage of this one yet.

Again in the evening a good 1/2 hour before dinner I mix up their evening remedies. The same ordeal happens with Little Guy, then later on dinner with those vitamins, then a while after dinner & before bed they get their last dose of remedies for the day.

Sunday Big Guy was a bit out of sorts. He skipped his breakfast but ate fine the rest of the day. He was uncharacteristically quiet & calm. He was "going" enough throughout the day that I had a few extra loads of soiled clothes to wash (I was skipping the regular laundry for Sunday again, but there's never nothing to wash!). He wasn't drinking anymore water then he usually does, so I can only assume this is some sort of detox.

Little Guy was very giggly, especially later in the day. That's not typical of him either. While we were getting them all ready for bed Butterfly announced that Little Guy was "yeasty".

Ahhhh yes, growing up on the spectrum...

Sunday was also my 40th birthday, & my 18th wedding anniversary. It was a quiet day (other then all the supplement struggles & soiled laundry); we don't get out or anything. Sometimes we take the kids somewhere like a zoo or something, but we hadn't planned anything & it was better off as it rained a bit. The new treatments also have me tied to the house even more than usual right now, & that probably won't improve for quite a while, particularly until Little Guy accepts his remedies better.

My mother-in-law called in the morning & the kids & hub made me cards (yes he made his very own!). Storyman was generous enough to sign not just his own name but also his brothers & baby sisters to his card, since they can't make one for me - yet. I had told hub no gifts, as there are expensive things going on right now, but he's adding to a "mommy necklace" I have, since we had two cute little additions this past year. I gave him a book by C.S. Lewis Lee Strobel. We played Zooreka, I finished the second objective on the e-lessons for parent training for RDI (hubby has to start number one!), & then the weather cleared up enough for him to BBQ.

I think the e-training has been interesting & beneficial so far. It also helps that I've had 6 months experience with RDI. The objectives & methods are getting clearer now, so I hope this next round will go a lot better. Some of the stuff we've done from the first 6 months, which is almost 2 years ago now, has stuck with him.

We tried to get some pics of me & the kids, but of course that's a bit challenging. This one was the best we could get to include Big Guy:

I completed a lengthy phone consult for both Big Guy & Little Guy with the homeopaths on Friday. They are a totally different lot from some we've tried in past, well versed in autism, plenty of experience, & working through sequential with support remedies. The support does seem very good, which will be important for us. Everything should come in this week & I'll try to get them started right away. I'm ending Big Guy's antiviral protocol, however, I will keep both boys going on all the naturals, which are safe & helpful (with a change here & there as needed).

I'm searching for a source for raw goat's milk at the moment. It's the healthiest kind of milk for a human, & actually closest in composition to a human mother's milk. The typical store or health food store fare is foul tasting; even some of the raw can get quite sour, depending on how the goats are treated, if they are fed organically, & if they are given any meds or antibiotics. From what I'm told it should not taste like that. So we checked out a farm not too far from us today but that didn't work out; actually no one was there. But that was better off as I wasn't too comfy with the conditions there, even though they were licensed.. So the search continues.

I tried to get us going on the OS for RDI today, but the system is down so I'll have to try again this week. The consultant we will most likely be working with is out of state but will travel to us when the time comes during the RDA process (simply put, parent-child evals etc), so we still need to work out the details on that.

We've got quite a full week of work coming up, & will continue on through the summer. Storyman will probably continue on what he's presently doing, until Fall when I make a change, but I might move Butterfly into first grade work sometime this summer. Again it all depends on the decisions on programs, as I figure that out. I may just end up starting them both fresh sooner rather than later.

On another note, I had been trying to decide on how to honor the Lord's day more since I can't get out to church right now, & so I prepared most of the vitamins yesterday for everyone, so that they only needed the usual before each meal mixing & administering. I also decided I would not do the main laundry today, for Sunday only, except for anything that became soiled (since I just can't stand to have that sit-yuck). I've done 3 (small) loads today, a tad worse than usual in soilage (if that's a word). Oh well, I'll keep trying.

Onto more reading, listing, & planning...

I've been working on getting medical records on two of my children. Little Guy spent four days in the NICU after birth recovering from a spontaneous pnemothorax (tiny hole in air sac of the lung) during which time he received antibiotics. He's had 3 ER visits where he was given either inhaled or directly through a shot steroids for a respitory illness, & once was admitted for this & given antibiotics during the overnight stay.

Ladybug II was given antibiotics during her hospital stay after birth due to a "mysterious" infection the peds tried to blame on me because I tested positive for strep B before they were born (which is fairly common & the risks are low even without antibiotics given to mom). I checked this with my docs & they said there was "no way at all" the baby could have gotten anything from me. There was no labor, the water didn't break, & they were born via c-section, which put them at ZERO risk of having any problems.

I can't prove it but I know she got the "infection" from the hospital itself, as they were held for 5 hours in the nursery two mornings in a row with no nursings or contact with me. This put them at risk of contracting infections from the hospital & people there, whose germs were foreign to them, & they weren't getting nursed so they were also at risk of dehydration & not getting my natural antibodies to strengthen them.

Well, it's no wonder she had a fever & was lethargic!

I am usually much more "with it" & don't allow nurseries to hold my babies but I must've been real tired & let my guard down; I didn't realize until it was too late. Then they definitely heard about it! I was not happy & they knew it. I can say they were much more on the ball with my kiddos after that, & I didn't let them slide again either.

Unfortunately, damage done...must move on. Thankfully she & her sister have had probiotics since 1 week old & Transfer Factor from about a month old.

Still, I'm waiting on their records. There are so many different kinds of meds & different antibiotics, & I've recently read some have metals in them, so I need to know. Hospitals move as slow as m