My racial background can be best discribed as a Heinz 57!  I am a true American...all four of my grandparents came from a different country...a baseball playing Cubano, an exhiled Russian Jew, an American born Italian American and my very colorful Italian born grandfather.  He came to America to find his fortune...sent for his wife and son and they wouldn't come!  He stayed here...but the Catholic church didn't believe in divorce...so he just didn't tell my grandmother about the other wife and son!  His American family found out about his Italian family after he died...he had some land in Italy that he left to his legal wife and son...

...so on that note...here is a little Italian joke...it means more when you have the background.  I laughed pretty hard...enjoy! icart

 At the church's Seminar For Husbands, the Priest asked Luigi, about his
 upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some
 insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these
 years.
 
Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'm-a tried to treat her a-well,
 spend-a da money on her, but-a, da best - a is - a dat I took her to 
Italy for da 20th anniversary!
 
The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration
 to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning
 for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."
 
Luigi proudly replied ..."I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

Yesterday my real estate agent calls and says an agent would like to show the house in FIFTEEN MINUTES!  I begged for 30...cleaned, dustied, tidied up and grabbed the kids and anilmals and headed out for an hour....an hour AFTER we returned home they called to say they were running late could they still come by...same routine...left for 45 minutes!  I don't even know if they ever showed up!  Oh the joys of selling a house.  Keeping those considerate people in mind I found this quote...enjoy! icart

Some People are like slinkies:

They don't really serve a purpose,

but they still bring a smile to your face

when you push them down the stairs!

Well, as most of you know, my beautiful home is STILL for sale in Memphis (Cordova) Tennessee!  Anyone in the market?  We are moving further south to Florida...I was born in New Jersey, so I get remarks about being a yankee (a darn yankee, because I moved south and stayed) all the time.  This one is even a little harsh for me...enjoy! icart

 Deep South Joke

 A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah
 River Bridge
 in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she
 noticed a young man fixing (ready) to jump.

 She stopped her car, rolled own the
window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother  and father."

 He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

 She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

 He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

 She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."

 He replied, "Who's Robert E. Lee?"

 She replied, "Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump,
you dumb Yankee."

...I think it is called a paradigm shift...but there is is truth to the old saying; "there are two sides to every story".  This proves that.  Enjoy! icart

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, 
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat 
alone at a nearby table.
   
My wife asks, "Do you know her?" 
 
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago,and I hear she hasn't been sober since." 
 
"My goodness!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating 
that long?"
    
So you see, there really are at least 2 ways to look at everything!

I was feeling a little sorry for myself the other day...my Mom and Dad both died before they got to enjoy being Grandparents...they would have been GREAT!  Plus, with all that's going on, it would have been nice to have them around to talk to.  So I just lift my head up and talk to Heaven...then I recieved this...too funny!  enjoy! icart

 (taken from papers written by a class of 
8-year-olds ) 
 
 
 
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no
 little children of her own.
 They like other people's . 
 
 
 
A grandfather is a man grandmother 
 
 
 
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be
 there when we come to see
 them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or 
run. It is good if they
 drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for
 us . 
 
 
 
When they take us for walks, they slow down past
 things like pretty leaves
 and caterpillars. 
 
 
 
They show us and talk to us about the color of the
 flowers and also why we
 shouldn't " step on cracks " 
 
 
 
They don't say, "Hurry up !" 
 
 
Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to
 tie your shoes. 
 
 
 
They wear glasses and funny underwear 
 

 
They can take their teeth and gums out 
 
 
Grandparents don't have to be smart 
 
 
They have to answer questions like, "why isn't God
 married?" and "How come
 dogs chase cats?" 
 

 
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't
 mind if we ask for the
 same story over again . 
 
 
 
Everybody should try to have a grandmother,
 especially if you don't have
 television, because they are the only grown ups who
 like to spend time with
 us. 
 
 
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime
 and they say prayers
 with us every time, and kiss us even when we've
 acted bad. 
 
 
A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED
 ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE
 LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST
 GO GET HER. THEN WHEN
 WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO
 THE AIRPORT ! 
 

...well, with my first one at college (did I mention he is at Florida State!) learning to become a teacher, I have two more to go!  My second son is looking into engineering while my daughter still changes her mind every ohter day (but it is always something artisitc).  Since I just came back from Florida and registering the younger ones for school...this joke really hit home.  Enjoy! icart

This one is pretty funny.  It is kind of how I feel this particular Monday...there is so much to do!  I feel like my lists may as well be a box of...well, read the joke!  enjoy!  icart

 A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please
 come over here and help me. I have got a killer
 jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
 it started."
 
 
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be
 when it's finished ?"
 
 
The blonde says, "According to the picture on
 the box it's a tiger."
 
He decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
 
She lets him in, and shows him where she has
 the puzzle spread all over the table.
 
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns
 to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do,
 we're not going to be able to assemble all of these pieces into
 anything resembling a tiger."
 
He takes her hand and says,
 
 
"Second, I want you to relax."
 
 
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and
 then ....."
 
 
 
He sighed ..
 
 
 
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box ."

Well, I went to Florida to register the kids for school...boy was that a circus act!  The kids are going to an "A" school district...so to maintain that "A", the district is really strict with proving you belong there (not like Memphis with it's open enrollment...don't get me started).  So I had to go down and sign them up "in-person".  It took a couple of days, but I think I have MOST of the kinks worked out.  I should be in town about a week before school starts...hopefully I can fix any other problems that arise by then.

That being said...many of you know my husband is a pilot in the Navy!  I thought this was funny (if not disturbing)...enjoy! icart

I love Friday the 13th...it's like a rainy day...so many people are so down or timid that it makes me feel so much more brighter, cheery and upbeat than usual!  My birthday is on the 13th...so sometimes Friday the 13th is a great day of celebration!  Here in Memphis, it is rainy AND Friday the 13th!  A "redletter day" if ever there was one!

So I found this little diddy!  I knew about two of these little factoids...but then I am a hunt and pecker on the typewriter, so I don't know how many are actually true for me...enjoy! icart

YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.) radar is another There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?) There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is) A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.) Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that) The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Now you know everything!

...it is totally by accident, but I seem to have strated a slight theme this week.  Short of the word problems, there is this recurring appearence of faith, church and now a priest.  I guess you get what you need when you need it.  So no one is offeneded...I am Catholic, my best friend is from Ireland and my cousin is a cop (oh yea...my husband's side of the family is from Texas)...so I have ALL bases covered...enjoy! icart

BTW, thank you to everyone who has put us in their thoughts and prayers...I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" ...even if we don't know what that reason is.  The house has been on the market for 6 months...I have watched and followed the advice of EVERY home selling show on TV...lowered my price (three times) and hired a new agent...keep those good thoughts coming this way! 

I love the church bulletin announcements.  They can be so funny!  I think I may have typed several of these!  Enjoy!!! icart

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


----------------------------------------------------------------------


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


---------------------------------------------------------------------

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

------------------ ----------------------------------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.


---------------------------------------------------------------------


The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."


---------------------------------------------------------------------


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

------------------------------------------------


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

------------------------------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

--------------------------------- -- ----------------------------------


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

------------------------------------------------- --------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

----------------------------------------------------------------- -----

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

All this time I thought it was "the refineries!"  Of course, it couldn't be that.  If the refineries are shutting down for maintanence and we don't have enough refineries and they have to make too many different grades of gasoline...if this was all true and it was a matter fo supply and demand...why aren't there any shortages?  We have plenty of $3.00 + gas here in Memphis.  I haven't seen a plastic bag over a pump anywhere...so where are the shortages we are paying for?

Anyway, a friend of mine sent me an explaination.  NOW I know why gas is so expensive!  enjoy! icart

Seems that some folks can't understand how we came
 to have an oil shortage here in our country.
 Well, the answer is real simple.
 Nobody bothered to check the oil.
 We just didn't know we were getting low.
 
The reason for that is purely geographical.
 Our OIL is located in:
 ALASKA
 California
 Coastal Florida
 Coastal Louisiana
 Kansas
 Oklahoma
 Pennsylvania 
and
 Texas
 
All Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC !!!!
 
Makes sense to me. Any Questions?

Okay...my brain has completely stopped working..my eldest, first born, trial and error son is graduating high school tomorrow!  I feel like I am in one of those sci-fi movies where time stands still...he has orientation next week and will MOVE OUT of his home by mid june!  I can't make up my mind if I am happy and excited for him or sad for me....this is sooooo hard!

So, while my brain is trying to get a jump start...I should be better next year about this time...here is an oldie but goodie...born a natural brunette (now a natural brunette with a little help fome a bottle)..I now know what it feels like to be blonde...enjoy! icart

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN
BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND
MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS
DOWN.


THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS
AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET


SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID
FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL
HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.


THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M
STAYING RIGHT HERE."



THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE
 COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE
  CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING
 IN FIRST
CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY
AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.


 THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE
  AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE
  ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE
 TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.


THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."


THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE
THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T
LISTEN TO REASON.


THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A
BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED
TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."


HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND
WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS,
"OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND
GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.


THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT
ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT
HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.




I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING
TO HOUSTON "

...EVENTUALLY!  Boy this market is tough in Memphis!  I am praying really hard that I sell my house sometime in the near future.  That being said...a friend of mine sent me a lttle story to remind me of the crime I might have to face when I head south...enjoy!  icart

Get Out of The Car!

(This is a true account recorded in the police log of
Sarasota , Florida )

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon Returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving With her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,
Proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I Know how to use it!  Get out of the car!!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.  They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her
Shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the
Driver's' seat.  She was so shaken that she could not get her key Into The Ignition.  She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
For The same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat..

A few minutes later, she found her own car prked four Or five spaces ;  further down the parking lot.  She loaded
Her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her Mistake.  The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop Laughing.  He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four Pale
Men were Reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as White, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and
Carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.



Moral of the story: If you're going to have a Senior
Moment, make it memorable

...this is too good to pass up.  Maybe there is a way to get along...enjoy!  icart

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."

"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?" 

     I absolutely LOVE this country.  I think it is the best in the world!  Sometimes we go astray (just watch "The View"...they will tell you all about it) but most times we get it right.  We are excellent at self-correcting ourselves.  That being said...there ARE a couple of items I wish we would fix (the hot dog one has already been taken care of)...enjoy! icart

I really do love this country, but... 1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

...sorry I didn't post yesterday, it was "bill day."  PLUS...we have someone coming to look at the house today...so I has to do a little cleaning...AND it was major grocery shopping day...good thing they all fall on the same day...now the rest of my week is free!

So the big news yesterday was the President finally vetoed a bill!  Yippee for the president!!! My husband is in the military and a date for withdrawal is such a bad idea...by the way, have you seen a clip on "The View"?  Ricki Lake and Rosie O'Donell were spewing inaccurate facts about how uneducated and poor our military is...compared to what?  The hollywood elite???  Feel free to debate that one...I would LOVE to hear someone who agrees with them...I will gladly set the facts straight.

On that note...here's a little political humor...enjoy, icart!

By the way...this joke does not apply to John Edwards.

 Subject: The Barber
 
 
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
 After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber
 replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
 I'm doing community service this week." The florist is
 pleased and leaves the shop.
 
Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop.
 There is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting
 for him at his door.
 
 
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes
 to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry,
 I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community
 service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the
 shop.
 
Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is
 a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at
 his door.
 
 
Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he
 goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
 sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
 community service this week." The Republican is very
 happy and leaves the shop.
 
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a
 thank you card and a dozen different books such as
 "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More
 Successful."
 
 
Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he
 goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
 sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
 community service this week." The Democrat is very
 happy and leaves the shop.
 
The next morning when the barber goes to open up,
 there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a
 free haircut.
 And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
 difference between left and right...

Here are some more "bible stories."  They are so funny...get a good chuckle and pass them on...enjoy! icart

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?"  One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."  "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.  On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Church Smiles

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her  brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...    "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust.''

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.  Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked hi m what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.  He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!

...for Easter my babies gave me the newest in the Left Behind series of books...I thought I was done (silly me)!  So I have been feeling "extra spiritual" lately.  These are super cute...there will be more tomorrow, so stay tuned and enjoy. icart

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar.  And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"  A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

.....okay, I don't know what bug bit me, but I have been super sick!  Usually I am down for part of a day...but I have been basically out for the count for TWO FULL DAYS!  I am finally feeling a little better....argh!  My kids were soooo cute...they had bowling yesterday...on the way home they bought me a giant diet sprite (I told them "clear" liguids when you are sick), a dozen yellow roses (because they were HAPPY) and a get well soon card...how super are they?  Things like that you will remember all your life!

     So, that being said...here is a funny one in honor of GLOBAL WARMING...enjoy! icart

 One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast.
 
 

They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of
 snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the
 street, so the snowplows can get through."
 

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
 
 
 
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer
says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park
 your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can
 get through."
 
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
 
 
 
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer
says,
 "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park . . . ."
 Then the power goes out.
 
 
 
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
 says, "Honey, I don't know what to do! Which side of the street do I
 need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
 
 
 
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
 married to blondes exhibit, Norman says . . . "Why don't you just
 leave it in the garage this time?"