YEP, that's me!! And, I think I am finally to the point in my life where I am ok with that. I have written about this before. It seems I can never get into a routine. I can never make life work the way I picture it in my head. It lasts for a day or two and then "poof" it's gone. On a really good streak, I think I can make it work for 2-3 weeks. Now, mind you, that's a really good streak!!!

But, God has suddenly given me peace about it. It is who I am. If you want the good, it also comes with the bad - I'm inconsistent, consistently! But, as I was pondering this, I had to recognize that there have been changes in my life over the long term.

Keeping my kitchen clean was a near impossibility. Life was happening all around me and the last thing on my mind was working hard at keeping my kitchen clean. My kitchen in rarely spotless. Besides, about the time I get it spotless I sit down for a drink, and voila - a dirty glass. But, it's much better and I desire it more than I ever did.

I keep thinking I'm going to get real good at this blog thing. I do well for a bit, and then "life" seems to happen and I lose the time and/or inspiration. The beauty of the blog is that it's still here. Perhaps I won't have followings of thousands. But, is that my goal? I just want to be able to share what's happening in my, maybe mostly for me. Granted, I'm not going to lie and say I don't love comments. But, I am who I am. I will not be as some of my blogging friends, ever. No matter how many times a day I blog or how many days I miss. I am finally ok with that. I know, that over time, I will grow.

Homeschooling, some days are better than others. But, I have more days better than I did at first. We are growing, we are improving, we are learning, all of us together. I feel more confident in my homeschooling and feel like I am where I am supposed to be more than before. I haven't just tried something, didn't work, and then dropped school altogether. (This I have done in the past.) I'm consistently looking to be more consistent and improve. It's happening. Not ideally, but it's happening.

I want to bake bread every week. I've got the wheat grinder, I've got the mixer. I make it a few times a year. It will get better. Hey, I never thought EVER would I can in my entire life. Guess what I did this summer - and enjoyed. I can get the bread baking down, honest, I can!

What I'm realizing is that if I spend all my time beating myself up over who I am not, I can't appreciate who I am - a child of the most, high King -- made just the way He wanted me to be. Does that mean I stay the same forever? - NO! But, it means I need to appreciate me for who I am, not how I want to be like so-and-so. And, when I quit worrying about how I am not like that person, I find that suddenly I'm not who I used to be. I have grown!

The other night my parents and sister's family came over for dinner on the fly. It wasn't planned. I told my mom it was fine, but we're having eggs - cuz' I've got lots of them. So, breakfast food for everyone. As soon as I heard, I grabbed a bunch of potatoes, nuked them for hashbrowns, and began on dinner prep. My mom oohed and aaahed over how I threw it all together. She never, in a million years, would have believed I would WANT to be so domestic. I felt like I have grown.

I haven't been blogging much, because I've been sewing and crocheting like a made woman, to make homemade Christmas gifts. Sewing - I had sworn it off for good as a young college student. It didn't work well. But, I'm enjoying it. I even want to venture into making a quilt. It will likely be awhile - perhaps when my children are grown even - but I want to do it. I've changed! I've grown!

I guess I'm just a slow learner. And, God is teaching me to be ok with that. I am who I am by the grace God, slow learner and all. The key - I'm learning! I'm growing and changing. I might not be the image He wants me to be, but I am moving in that direction. Perhaps you will get there before me, but I WILL get there!

Thank you for the revelation, Lord Jesus. Thank you for the peace of mind that you have given me. Thank you for being my God and my Savior. Thank you for not giving up on me and continuing to change my heart and life. I may not be consistent, but I am consistently growing at just the right pace - God's!!