Posted in Special Days

Ten years ago today I lost my mom, my best friend.  It hardly seems possible that it has been ten years since I last held her hand, or spoke to her, or listened to her loving advice.  How the time flies by, with each day bringing me ever closer to my own homecoming, with her and with Our Lord.

 

Mom's cancer had been so very hard on my dad, that he developed physical problems from the stress, and had to be admitted to the hospital on the Friday night before Mom died.  That night, my sister and I spent the night with Mom at their house, so that we could take care of her.  She had been very, very sick, and the palliative radiation for the back pain (her kidney cancer had spread into her spine) had backfired, leaving her paralyzed in her legs the past couple weeks. 

 

Imagine our surprise to find Mom feeling as well as could be expected under the circumstances, and ready to party!  We sat up that night giggling and talking and eating and laughing like schoolgirls at a slumber party.  We commented so many times about feeling guilty that we were having so much fun while poor Daddy lie sick in the hospital.  But then we would even get the giggles about that! 

 

I think, in looking back on it, that God, in His infinite love and mercy, knew that Mom would be going home in just a couple short days, and wanted us to have one last night of beautiful memories before she left us.  And we certainly have wonderful memories of that night that are still with us today.  We finally each settled into bed in a different room, and started calling out silly good nights, ending with "Good night, Mary Ellen, Good Night, Jim Bob, Good Night, John Boy."  (Would you believe that The Waltons was one of our favorite shows???)

I was shocked the next morning, when I woke Mom up, to find her burning up with fever, and unresponsive.  An ambulance ride to the hospital, and a short visit with the oncologist once we arrived confirmed our worst fears.  Mom was dying. 

 

One last gift God gave our family was one more moment of lucidity for Mom.  It came when my son BJ and his cousin gave Mom 2 yellow roses, her favorite flowers.  She "woke up" from the trance she had been in, and thanked them, and hugged them and kissed them, and told them "Grandma loves you, you know."  I am so glad that God allowed them to really see Mom one last time, and remember her last words that were coherent were telling them how much she loved them. 

 

Just before dawn on Monday, Mom went home to her Lord.  Her entire family was there---children, husband, in-law children, and my two sons.  She struggled to stay with us, and it was only when we told her that we would be alright, that it was ok to go home to Jesus, that she final took her last breath. 

 

I love you Mom, and I treasure the memories.  Thank you for being my Mom. 

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This is my post from last fall when I started blogging.  I post it again in honor of my Mom, and hope that you enjoy the poem that I wrote.  It was her favorite one of my writings.  Kathy

 

It is fall once again, just as it was nine years ago. My mother had fought off two forms of cancer, a blood cancer that affected her platelet count, and colon cancer. In mid-summer of that year, she was declared cancer free with the colon cancer, and was assured that the blood cancer was something that was controllable....that she would die of old age long before the cancer would cause her problems. She had also had two very dangerous eye surgeries that were risky and extremely painful, and a heart problem which had her in CCU and resulted in a pacemaker implant.

 

"Through it all," Mom never complained, and kept living life to its fullest. I never saw her cry or feel sorry for herself. Nor did she complain or rally against God that final fall, as the leaves fell, turning the fall to winter not only in the world around us, but also in her life. For it was then that she discovered that she had developed yet another entirely new cancer, totally unrelated to the first two cancers. The odds against that happening were astronomical. And this was kidney cancer, the "silent killer," because it normally was in stage 4 at the time of diagnosis, as it was with my mom. The entire family was in a state of shock.

 

I had previously written a poem that she loved. After her death in January, I tweaked the poem, so that it became "her" poem. It was read at her funeral and hangs in the church now.

 

It seems that many of my poems are about trees. This was originally written about an old tree in our front yard, one that my grandmother had planted with my grandfather years ago. It had been twisted inside by a tornado, and over the course of years, had struggled to survive, just as did my mother. Mom loved this poem, and it was a source of inspiration to her in her last days.

 

Mom, I dedicate my blog to you and to little Ellora. You both will always be a part of me. The lessons you taught me will help me to be a better person, and a better servant of our Lord. For this I will always be grateful. And many of the stories I share will include you, as so much of our homeschooling revolved around your illnesses and death.  So your faith, courage, and love of life, will help countless others as they face the valleys in their own lives.

 

A Final Fall of Leaves

by Kathy L. Kin

Dedicated to Marjorie A. Rickenbacher 12/5/21-1/22/96

 

     There is a tree in my front yard;

     My grandmother said it is called a Heavenly Tree.

     Through the years, first she, then my father,

     And now my children and I have enjoyed its beauty.

     Its long and fruitful life have stemmed from an inner strength,

          Given by God, its Creator.

 

     That strength has enabled the tree to weather many a storm.  

     A violent tornado destoyed many of its neighbors, and weakened it. 

     Yet my tree has fought back through each trial,

     And every spring it again bursts forth with a glorious crown of leaves.

     Its beauty is an inner beauty that can only have been

          Given by God, its Creator.

 

     Everything on this earth is here but for a season,  

     And the tree has lived through its spring and summer.

     That beautiful crown of leaves grows smaller each year.

     Now all nature watches as, one by one, each leaf drops from the tree.

     Yet still the old tree's weary, dying branches reach ever heavenward,

          Toward God, its Creator.

 

     These last years the tree has fought and struggled to survive.

     I have steadfastly refused to part with it,

          To say goodbye,

               Because I love it.  

                    But now it is time....

     The tree has stood through the winter;

     And now I must let my tree, that beautiful Heavenly Tree, leave me.

     Yet it has given me lessons in life that will continue to guide me,

          Given by God, its Creator.

 

     As with the tree, so it has been with your life, Momma.

     You have been like that Heavenly Tree to me.

     Your fruitful life has stemmed from an inner strength.

     You have weathered many a storm, yet fought to survive.

     You have taught me lessons in life that will continue to guide me.

     You have inspired me through the years

          With your beauty of spirit,

               Your joy for life,

                    And your gift of giving strength, courage, hope, and faith to others.

 

     Even through this final fall of leaves,

     Your heart has reached ever heavenward

          Toward God, your Creator, Whom you have served so well.

 

     I love you, Momma.... Goodbye, until we meet again.

 

Copyright 1996 Kathy L. Kin