Posted in Homeschooling--the Best Choice We Ever Made

I read a request on the Company Porch asking for opinions on what to do if your child wants to quit homeschooling.  This reminded me of an article that I wrote for our support group newsletter a few years back on "School Withdrawal."  I share it here in hopes that it may help some of you who drop by.  I realize this is not exactly the same situation that Gena was asked about, but felt I should share this anyway, for those who may have a student who is not quite as reasonable in making their request to go to public school. 

As a support group leader and homeschool educational consultant, I receive many phone calls from people who are ready to give up on homeschooling after just a couple months of trying.  The reason?  Their children refuse to cooperate, are defiant in their attitude, have become withdrawn and moody, and are demanding to go back to public school.  These parents are ready to throw their hands up in despair and call it quits.  My advice to them has been to understand the reasons behind their children's behavior, and rest in the assurance that time will heal all things. If God has truly called them to homeschool, then He will certainly provide them with the strength, wisdom, and knowledge to carry through with their calling.

Just what is the malady that these children are suffering from?  I like to call it school withdrawal.  It is seen quite commonly in those students who have previously attended government schools and were pulled out,  usually against their will, by parents who have seen the benefits of a home education.  This same syndrome is also common in children who have been home schooled in one manner and then suddenly switched to a much different approach.  I most often see this in homes where the homeschooling is best described as "taking the public school home." 

Children who have been taught in one way for any length of time have gotten very used to the routine of how things "ought to be."  Any change is traumatic, and takes the child out of his comfort zone.  As a parent, you  have decided to free your child from the confining world of government school and/or a strictly regimened form of learning, and are now offering the freedom to learn and live in a way that suits his  learning style in a much better way.  But the "thanks" you receive from your child for this new freedom may very well express itself as open rebellion, refusal to cooperate, extreme moodiness, or even flat out refusal to do the tasks set before them.

Much of the withdrawal problem is a sure sign that you are doing the very best thing for your child, as a primary cause for the behavior is lack of the peer dependency the child has grown accustomed to and learned to rely on.  The book of Proverbs says that he who keeps company with fools becomes a fool himself.  Our precious children are still foolish, most certainly not yet wise.  A roomful of children all the same age together all day everyday is literally a roomful of fools. Being peer dependent does not make a child wise, and you should thank God that you have  intercepted this peer dependency and nipped it in the bud.

Why would children react in this way to an experience meant to free them?  Besides the peer dependency, children are very used to the familiar.  They are so used to the old way of doing things that they see it as the only way.  They therefore cannot accept their new freedom at first.  Any change is a major psychological trauma that must be worked through.

A perfect example of what I am referring to can be seen in the study of the behavior of POWs who are freed to return to civilian life.  These men, in many cases, became so used to the ways they were forced to live in captivity that they had a great deal of difficulty in adapting to their new freedom.  What should have been a blessing was at first a trial and a long period of adjustment.  It took patience on the part of the ex-POW and his family during this adjustment time.   How many of these men, now that the adjustment is over, would opt to go back to an enemy prison camp?  The question is ludicrous, isn't it?

This is the same situation our children are in.  We have taken them out of the government school "prison camp" which was highly regimented. They are now freed from that situation, but are so used to how they lived before that they are faced with the same adjustment and psychological problems our POWs faced.   It will take time, sometimes up to a full school year, to make the adjustment to the freedom that homeschooling offers.  It will take patience on the part of the children's family, and great understanding as they make this transition.  But when the transition is made, your children will not want to return to the confines of government schooling. 

Once your child realizes that this decision to homeschool is real, and understands the parents' assurance of  God's guidance and instruction to them in this decision, he will gradually realize he must cooperate in this new venture.  This whole process is a good set of lessons in character development and obedience to authority.  In fact, if even these two  "subject areas" are covered thoroughly the first year, you can consider yourself a successful home educator.

Most children who are suffering from school withdrawal are only seeing the positives of government school education and the negatives of homeschooling.  Satan himself is blinding them to the truth.  As a parent, it is your job to point out the truth and show your children the negatives of government schools, as well as the positives of home education. Show him the Scriptures that require us as parents to be in charge of our child's education, and help them to realize that God mandates that this must be the parents' decision, and not the childs.  If your child is old enough, have him read other peoples' opinions, not just "your side."  Christopher Klicka, Esq., of HSLDA fame, has written extensively on this subject and I would highly recommend his works to parents and to junior-high age and up children.  His book, Homeschooling: The Right Choice, is excellent for this purpose.

I encourage all homeschool parents to stick out the school withdrawal phase.  If you give up and send your child back to government school, you may have done so right at the very moment you were about to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You will miss seeing all your hard work and patience blossom into a beautiful flower.  Don't give up, or you will never know what a success your homeschool experience could have been.