Found this draft on my blog today- written two years ago ( as you can see by the date) during a very trying time.  Here it is with just a little editing.

What is God's name for you?  We often ponder, and rightly so, the names of God.  El Shaddai, Addonai, The Door, The Way, Wonderful, Counselor, Jehovah Jireh.  All of these help us to know God.  They help us to understand him and worship him more ardently. 

Well, I have wondered what God calls me.  A few months ago I was found myself in a place I had not been in before.  I wanted to run away from God.  I thought that it might make life easier- certainly less would be expected of me.  I made a conscious decision not to run, but I also became very aware that I was unable to move forward, either.  It was all I could do to hold on.  I was disappointed in myself for letting myself come to such a position.  I was active in my church, a homeschooling mom of about 18 years experience, a growing Christian for many long years, and I was a mess.  Then one day a conversation with a friend helped me to realize that God was not surprised by my position.  He knew where I was spiritually and emotionally, and if all I could do was stand still, that was better than running away.  I began to know that when it was time to move forward, he would still be there and he would not be scolding me. 

In my devotions I spent a little time considering what God thought of me.  After I acknowledge what I know- that I am a sinner and in desperate need of God's ability to live out his life through me- after I get beyond that, what does God think of me?  Well, the truth of the matter is that he does see me in Christ's righteousness.  He loves me.  Does he judge me?  Yes, but he loves me.  Does he convict me?  Yes, and if he ever stops, I am in trouble, but he loves me.  Does he stop all the pains of life?  No, but he loves me.  Ephesians 1 tells me that He loves me, predestined me, adopted me and redeemed me.  None of that is conditional.

I have decided that God probably calls me Jess- like the other people in my life who know me well and love me just the same -  the people who grew up with me (mostly siblings).  He has affection for me.  He does not call me "Jessie Louise Edwards", like my mother used to when she was frustrated by my behavior.  He calls me Jess.  He might have to call me up hard,  but he still calls me Jess.  It is a sweet, familiar name, and there is love and affection and truth in his voice.