Have you ever tried to unlock a door and the key will not work? After several failed attempts, you discover that you were using the wrong key all along. Sometimes, you may need to grab another key when it comes to opening the doors of communication with your child.

Motivation is the primary key to learning. Your child needs your love, encouragement, approval, and affirmation. In this session, you will learn several techniques that will help you communicate clearly with your child and unlock his enthusiasm for learning.

Make "deposits" in the communications "bank" before you make withdrawals. This is the first step to establishing clear lines of communication with your child. You need to genuinely connect with your child, and the only way to do this is to make a deposit in the communications bank by spending quality time together. Remember love is spelled T-I-M-E to children. Your child would rather have you than any material possession you could ever offer him. Make sure your child knows you love him regardless of his strengths or weaknesses. This "no strings attached" approach allows your child's self-esteem to flourish.

Use constructive criticism. Correct the behavior of your child in a non-authoritarian way. Constructive criticism is tactful, and its purpose is not to hurt feelings but to help your child understand a lesson that he can grow from. Always point out the "why" of what your child did wrong or could do better, and give an explanation as to why it's wrong. Show mercy and do not embarrass your child. This includes criticizing your child's learning in front of siblings and friends. Finally, ask your child what he thinks he will do differently next time.

Compliment before you criticize. You do this by stating something positive before the negative. For example, "I like the way you wrote this paragraph with complete sentences and a consistent theme, but I feel it would be easier for the reader to relate to the character if you add more details."

Do not compare. Consistently emphasize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. God did not create us to be good at everything but to efficiently use the unique gifts that He has given us. Make sure your child knows he is measured against his own abilities, not against a sibling's or a friend's abilities.

Ask open-ended questions. Closed-ended questions require a yes or no answer. Open-ended questions invite your child to express himself in his own words. By asking questions this way, the parent is able to gather information while the child develops a greater understanding of the material. Some examples of open-ended questions include:

• What does that mean to you?
• What do you think will happen next in the story?
• What is the next step in solving this problem?
• How did you make that choice?
• Would you tell me more about your answer?
• What would you do differently next time?

Pay close attention. Effective communication begins with listening well. Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. Make eye contact so he'll know you're really listening to what he is saying. Try not to interrupt. In a national survey, more than half the children who participated said that when they talked, their parents often didn't give them a chance to explain themselves. Give your child some extra time to express his concerns or answers, even if you think you know what he's going to say.

Celebrate the positive. There are always victories in learning that we can celebrate and use to encourage our children to greater success. Some of them may be small, such as mastering several sight words. Other achievements, such as completing a book report independently, are larger. But all deserve celebration. If your child is becoming frustrated with a certain concept, redirect his attention to something he is doing right and give him the desire to persevere.

Application: Focus on one communication technique that you would like to implement immediately. After you have developed a habit of using that technique consistently, practice using other techniques.

The words of a parent are powerful and affect a child's attitude and performance. Speak loving words that inspire and motivate your child to reach for new heights.

Until next time, have FUN unlocking the doors of learning,