Oct. 14, 2008 - My Eldest Boy
I'm writing this while Tom takes a bath. He is finally in after a ten minute battle. I have to go into the details of this to make it right in my mind. I'm a pretty relaxed Mom. I let my kids do as they please as long as they aren't hurting themselves or those around them, or stepping on anyone else's right to peace. The past six months have been pretty rough between Tom and I. He is very particular about things and does not like to make decisions. Let me give a few examples. I let them dress themselves at a young age, like two. If they were big enough to express an opinion, I generally accepted it. Food went the same way. I always give them the choices I have available and they pick from that. Lately, Tom can't decide. He will either freak out that the choices aren't to his liking, or he will want all of the above, cry, and have a melt down. This starts at breakfast and goes on through the day. Most days he doesn't like his pants, especially if I have asked him to get dressed to go somewhere. We argue about everything. And I'm not talking what to do or not to do. I'm talking about moving his feet so I can vacuum under him. Please don't beat on your brother because he won't give you something. Please don't hold the dogs down and get them fighting. Please don't leave food all over the table. Please answer your brother when he is talking to you. Please answer me! I mean seriously!
Tonight it was about the bath. They want to take a bath/shower every other day so I have to get them up there to do it. If I don't harass Tom about getting up off the couch and in the bathroom, he will decide at 10pm that he HAS to have a shower because he isn't comfortable. I would just let him do this, but we all sleep in a very small space with a bathroom in the middle. My husband and step-daughter get up very early to go to work and school. I have to get up to take her to school. We would like to get some sleep. So the drill is dinner, showers, Dad reads to them and then goes to bed, I read in the doorway until they go to sleep (lately that has changed to, I read in the doorway until Jake goes to sleep and then lay down next to Tom because I can't stay awake anymore). Tom will lay there completely still and quiet until 11pm sometimes, usually 10 is the latest I can stay awake. We've tried relaxing, music, tea, melatonin. The kid is just a night owl, much like I would be if I didn't have to get up at 5:30 for Nikki.
So here I am ranting and raving. Tom is a very sweet boy. It isn't that he is trying to make me nuts. He actually feels bad when I explain how completely crazy his is making me. Tonight I told him that he needs to do things for himself if he wants them done a certain way. He understands that. He made his own bath tonight. He told me he doesn't like showers because he is scared when he closes his eyes in the shower. Understandable. But if he had just explained this before I got angry about his refusal to take a shower, maybe things would have been nicer.
Yikes! I hope we both get through this phase without scars!!
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