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No, I'm not going to blog about Nate the Great, the detective....that silly little boy who loves to eat pancakes and solve crimes around his neighborhood. Instead this about my own Nate, my loves-to-make-me-laugh son who is about to turn seven. What a blessing he is to my life. For as much of a blessing as I consider him, he also frustrates the dickens out of me and takes me to my knees more than my other two children. Granted, he's only seven. My other two are girls: Darby, who's nine (and a half) has always been the compliant and submissive type. From the time that she was just a baby, I could take her anywhere and she was pleasant and quiet. She has a spirit of being content most all the time. She and I have the same love language, so she's easy for me to figure out, I suppose. (She's not yet hit the teenage years, so I'll be careful to say that I probably don't have her COMPLETELY figured out....just doing ok for the time being.) Camryn is my youngest; she's about to turn four. She is fairly easy to discipline, as well. Besides being the baby, she loves learning from her older two siblings and looks to them to take care of her and teach her. Now back to Nate..... Since being in the womb, he's had an adventurous spirit and is 110% all boy. He kicked me harder than the other two from 20 weeks on! He wanted to come into the world and get things started for himself at 28 weeks. I was forced to bedrest at that time and spent the next six weeks praying for him to stay put for a little longer. He came into the world at 36 weeks, full of life and energy and ear infections. Since that time, I've expected him to conform nicely to our little world. I've wanted him to keep his room neat and tidy like the girls. I've wanted him to be nice and kind and humble to others as he plays. I've wanted him to have the discipline of doing the right thing even though I'm not watching him. Instead, his clothes repeatedly remain all over his room, he thrives on winning and being the best at every sport he plays, and he's usually climbing the walls when I'm not looking instead of diligently getting his math finished. My ideas of certain areas of conformity are not coming to fruition! On the flip-side, he's also my most sensitive of the three. Loss affects him more greatly. Friends and certain relationships are of utmost importance. He loves the Lord with vigor and is truly remorseful when he realizes he's sinned against God....not just me. Again, he's just seven. He lives life to the fullest....as long as his mom lets him and doesn't tell him to "settle down." Just being honest. Just last week our co-op had a Valentine's Day party, and one of the games we played was musical chairs to love songs. Out of 15 or so kids, of which he is the youngest, he was the winner. Even at musical chairs he's competitive. When the game was over and he was declared the winner, he ran around the gym, the rest of the boys following him, in several victory laps.....all the while holding up his index finger as if to say, "I'm number one! Boys rule!" Needless to say, I was immediately thinking that a character lesson on humility needed to follow when we got home. :)) The week of Valentine's Day the Lord graciously taught me a lesson through Nate.... I had decided to write my husband and each of the three children a love note each day of the week leading up to Thursday. I thought everyone would embrace the mushy idea and relish in the lovely things I said to each of them. Nate, however, was the only one that seemed truly appreciative, and by the end of the week he was writing ME notes. He's even continued through this week. He keeps the notes I've written him in special places and reads them often. He has cherished them. His attitude since this has been amazing. I've learned his love language! He needs my words of affirmation. No matter how confident he seems, no matter how full of life - he still needs to be affirmed. Truthfully, I've probably spent more time asking him to pick up his room and put his shoes in the "shoe basket" than I have making sure he knows how special I think he is. While thinking that I'm teaching him valuable life lessons and organizational skills, I've missed some of the point of God giving him to me. I've prayed my heart out over him, for him to be the kind, generous, and respectful little boy that I envision. I see many of those prayers being answered. I joke and say that God gave me Nate to keep me humbled myself. If it weren't for him, I would probably think this parenting thing is pretty easy. Through the many prayers that I've offered up for him, I sense God changing Nate's mom, too. I've specifically asked God to help me understand him and meet his needs. In doing so, I've embraced a fuller way of life. I'm learning to laugh more at Nate and his funnies. I'm learning that God may have a special job in store for Nate that requires his love for competition and adventure. If I squelch that, I may step in the way of God's plan. I'm still seeking God to work on selfishness and diligence and other qualities in Nate that I know are His will....but I'm asking Him to work on those things in me, as well.
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"What has happened to all your joy?" That question sounds like it could've have come from one of my children or my husband on any given day last week, but instead it's one that jumped out at me from my study of Galatians over the past several days. Galatians 4:15, to be exact. I shared on my last blog about the "cycle" that so often entangles me and my way of thinking regarding my children and our school (and our lives.) The only way that I ever recover from the cycle is to get directly into God's Word. The Lord had led me into an intense study of Galatians during this time and I had know idea how it would speak to me. I felt myself begin to come out of the fog when I began to read scriptures like the following: from chapter 1....Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. from chaper 2....Know that a man is not justified by observing the law but by faith in Jesus Christ. from chapter 3...Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? ....Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law or because you believe what you heard? from chapter 4...now that you know God - or rather are known by God - how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? from chapter 5...It is for freedom that Christ has se us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. from chapter 6...Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. God's Word is so powerful. I was completely humbled and revived by Paul's letter to the Galatians. Yes, I've read it before. Yes, I know he wasn't referring to homeschooling or raising children when he wrote it, but the application to my life at this particular time was overwhelming to me. God began to reveal to me through the Word spoken by Paul so long ago that I was living under the law in a sense. No, I wasn't observing the Mosaic law, but I was definitely living under the "law" of thinking that if I did everything just right and created the perfect teaching environment....if I turned every teaching opportunity into one that produced "mini-sermons" on godly character....if I had just the right curriculum.....if I handled each and every misbehavior with the perfect scripture reference (ha!)....and on and on. (Notice how many times I used "I".) In essence, if I did everything right, my children would have greater likelihood of living godly, christian lives without rebellion. I had created a false convenant with God, in a way. When I read the verse "What has happened to all your joy?" I knew that question was for me. I had turned our lives into a regiment of "doing." Instead of living by the Spirit and by faith, I was being sucked into the slavery of "doing." Without even realizing it, I had allowed my visions of perfect children who never exhibit anything other than godliness to overtake my mind. I also envisioned perfect test scores. I also believed that I must produce great children so that all those non-homeschoolers around us would have NOTHING bad to say about my children and our decision to homeschool them (just being totally honest here). Slowly and slyly, I had begun to pick up the burden of doing everything perfectly MYSELF in order to produce the results that I wanted. My thoughts (sub-conciously) were something like this, "Ok Lord, if I get all of my part right (the discipline, the curriculum, the classes, the character development), you'll make them just like I envision them, right?" That was the "deal" that I had made, without even knowing it. Fortunately, God showed me that I don't have to live under that type of slavery of the mind. The burden that I began to carry with this type of thinking kept getting heavier and heavier. I became more weary, and with weariness came irritability. When the weariness and irritability took over, the love and compassion and *joy* for teaching and raising my children was inadvertantly shoved out. Ultimately God allowed me to get my perspective again. It is He who teaches them. It is He who will train them. As their mom and teacher, I must submit my thoughts of the law to Him. I must die to my visions for my children because His visions are greater than mine. Maybe they rebel. Maybe they aren't perfect (maybe?). Maybe they will face hard times (maybe?). I must only rest in the fact that His ways are higher than mine, and He will mold them in the way He sees fit. Paul admonishes the Galatians to live by faith, not by the law. I must apply that to my own life. The burden begins to lighten when I realize that all I must do is believe and have faith that my Savior will work in my children as He see fits. That doesn't remove the responsibility of leading them to Him and teaching about Him. I must do those things as He commands (Duet 6:6-7), and then live freely and watch Him work....through the good and the bad and the ugly....just like He does in my own walk with Him. The verse in the third chapter that says..After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? really hit home with me. I began this homeschooling journey nearly five years ago totally surrendered to the Spirit leading me on my way. I knew that I couldn't do it myself. Funny how that way of thinking slowly changes as we continue to make our way. I will begin striving each day to stay in step with the Spirit. Oh, how the burden lifts when I realize that everything doesn't hinge on me! When I submit to faith and not law-abiding righteousness, I feel lighter immediately....and what woman isn't pleased with feeling lighter! Jude 2 ineverythought |
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If I'm going to be honest throughout the course of writing this blog, I must include times of what I call my "funk". It revolves around feeling as though I'm failing with my children....in school and in everything else. These cycles come usually two or three times during the course of a school year and can be triggered by any number of things. I go through feelings that I know within my heart are not true but are there just the same. I put undo stress upon my children during these times, as well. My latest cycle started about two weeks ago when I got on the forum for the currciulum that we use. I began reading about the teaching ideas of other moms and reviewing the days that they were logging and the topics of discovery that they were covering. Whoa! Their days looked nothing like mine! We were struggling just to cover the main ideas, yet they were developing websites from the work of their children! I felt pretty good about myself when my children made salt dough maps of the Nile River, but there were mothers on this forum with pictures of "Ancient Egyptian Museums" that were all crafted items from that time period that their children had created. Oh my. We weren't doing nearly enough! From there I began applying pressure on myself. More research, more planning, more time spent on crafted items......that would be the answer. In essence, what this meant was more pressure applied to my children. Slowly but surely I crept back into a pressured school day. "Do this, then do this, and then do this, and this, and this!" Surely more work means smarter kids. Surely more pressure from mom will do the trick. No leisurely time. No hours for pleasure. Just school and more school......and it's just too bad if they don't enjoy it! Before I even realize it, I'm in a "funk" of a mood. Nothing is good enough. Words of praise are few and far between. I'm not really in a bad mood, I'm just very driven and determined. Nothing can stand in the way of school - even if it's just busywork that doesn't accomplish much. Truly there's nothing wrong with being driven and determined. Those are obviously great characteristics. However, I have felt the Lord drawing me into a more relaxed and positive "gentle art of learning" for some time now. Charlotte Mason has been the google of choice for several months on my home computer. But I must admit that it's a fight within myself to stay within those more gentle ways of teaching. I fight the competitiveness within me. I constantly fight wanting my children to be the best, the smartest, the ones to answer all the questions, the ones to someday score the highest on the ACTs, the ones who act the most godly......all the best. Again, all of us want the best for our children, but at times like this I realize that I've gotten my way of thinking completely out of sync with God's plan for their lives. I began to ask myself the bottom-line reason that I feel this way and for me it's come down to pride (also known as competitiveness) and fear of failure. - coupled with not enough trust in the Lord that I serve. If my children answer all the questions and score the highest on the tests and act the most godly, in some selfish way I feel like it reflects very well on ME. "Look what a great job training and teaching them I've done" would be ever-flowing through my head. (I'm just getting gut-honest here.) And on the flip side, if they're not the best or the smartest, then somehow I've failed them. I begin to hear the "They'd be better off in public school" in my head. Now on to TRUST.....I've always been very goal-oriented and figured out ways to reach the goals that I set. I've realized over the last few weeks that I have many preconceived ideas and goals set for my children and I'll do everything I can to make sure that they reach them. These are great goals, in essence, and great ideas....very noble and godly....but I'm realizing that I've put myself way too in charge of reaching them. God is showing me clearly to let Him lead - to only be the vessel that He uses to teach them.....to only say what I'm certain that He's laid upon my heart for them....to calm down and seek Him first......to TRUST Him to provide for them, to nurture them, to grow them, and to make them into the people HE wants them to be. My goals are not necessarily HIS goals. And His goals will turn out much better. He's urging me to die to my own preconceived ideas for my children and let Him draw the pictures of their lives. He longs to use the very finest paints and oils to paint their future.....where my pictures would look like watercolor next to His. I always come out of the funk by getting in the Truth of God's Word. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened AGAIN by a yoke of slavery." (emphasis mine) I long to be free from this funk, this deceptive way of thinking....."more work means smarter kids.....more demanding mom means more well-behaved and godly children.....my children must be first and best." Even writing that sounds crazy, but it's how I think when I get in this "slavery" way of thinking. Christ died to set me free of slavery and bondage. That doesn't take away my responsibility to teaching them as He has called me, but it gives me freedom in knowing that He has their best interests in mind.....He has created them with a unique personality....He knows what style of teaching is best for them. I am only the vessel....only the vessel. |
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God has brought a great blessing to my life in the form of a friend named Missy. Missy is the receptionist at the office where my husband works. She's been working at the agency for several years but it wasn't until two years ago that I got to know her personally. It was at that time when her husband of 14 years left her for someone else. She was completely devastated, embarassed, and financially stricken. DH and I reached out to her during that period in any way we could think. We were able to give her some furniture and a computer, and we invited her to church. She began coming to church, something she had never done in her life. We also encouraged her with scripture when the opportunities came. We talked to her about putting her hope and strength in the Lord. She had not been raised in church and had never owned a bible. Within a few months, her heart begin to turn to the Lord. On Easter of 2006, she gave her heart to Christ. Since that time, she's made Christ the Lord of her life and not just her Savior. When she first began coming to church she would have to hand me her bible when the pastor called out the scripture passage for his sermon because she had no idea where to find anything. Now, however, she's tackling her first Beth Moore study and doing all of her homework. She just last week got back from one of our church's mission trips. She came home so filled up that she wasn't quite sure what to do with all of her emotions. She had never spent so much time with a group of christian people. She told me last week that she only listens to christian music and she's immersing herself in godly books instead of secular ones. All of these changes come from the heart, not from my prodding. :))) Missy would tell you how thankful she is for my friendship and for God bringing me into her life. I, however, am the one that's been blessed. I'm writing this because I often struggle with the fact that I "only" stay home my with children. I often think that I might be missing out on other quality "projects" that the Lord wants me to be a part of because I'm putting my children and family first! Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that my place is at home with my children, training them and teaching them. I truly wouldn't trade this role. But God sent Missy for those fleeting moments that I think that I must be going on a mission trip to Romania or Africa in order to "make a difference." Maybe all my plate can handle outside my home and family is one friend in which to invest my time for the glory of God. I can't go to lunch with people often. I can't spend time on the phone with five different people who need an encouraging word. I can't financially help 10 others in a great way. The Lord knew, however, that I could do those things for one. I'm so thankful that He allowed me this priviledge. Maybe your plate can handle 10 people. Maybe you're in a different season of life, one free from preschoolers, that allows you a little more time away from home to minister to others. Whatever the season, Missy is evidence to me that God provides opportunities to lead others to Christ or to take part in His Kingdom without taking time away from our first priority.....the mission field that He placed in our home......our children. My children have been greatly influenced by my friendship with Missy and they've come to love her, too. What a great example the Lord provided for them, as well. |
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Oh, what God has taught me through these three. Praise be to the name of God forever and ever, wisdom and power are His. Daniel 2:20 |
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After our second full week of the new school year, I must record how humbled I am. God has faithfully exceeded my desires in providing for exactly the curricula that our family needs. I struggle so often. I try to add way too much. I try to "fit everything in" instead of concentrating on the important. I often think about standards and test scores instead of the eternal impact of homeschooling my children from a biblical perspective. Whenever I get to that place, God reminds me of why He called me to this task in the first place. This summer He's done that alot. I knew I needed to make some changes this year. I have a third grader, a first grader, and a preschooler. For the past two years, we've done the bulk of our school in the afternoon when the now-preschooler was napping. She's old enough now, however, to do her own modified version of "school" while we school in the morning. Along with knowing that our day needed to change, I've also been struggling some over the curriuculum I had been using. I loved most of it, but desired a few changes. I knew that I wanted to add a specific science program to our day, also. Long story short, God has exceeded my expectations in every one of these changes. After much prayer and petition, He has given me a very workable schedule. He led me, without question, to the Charlotte Mason philosophy this summer (I immersed myself in it!). Are all of our days perfect? No, because they're taught by a very imperfect mother/teacher. But I feel such peace over this new year. God has impressed upon me, once again, to fully trust Him in this process....to let HIM guide me...to allow HIM to teach my children through me. Amazing that the perfect God teaches through the imperfect Mom. That's my heart's prayer. I couldn't do this without surrendering my children to His way of teaching...I would certainly fail and mess them up. The times that I forget and try to do it myself, I end up focusing on worldly standards and anxiety rules my mind. I'm so thankful to serve a God that provides for everything I need in this process. I couldn't do it otherwise. He is the Great I AM.......and i am not. |
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I've hesitated to begin a blog for a while for two reasons....1. I fear the addiction of it I'll begin by explaining my username.... As I pondered what to "name" myself for this endeavor I couldn't help but thinking about the homeschooling part of it. I am a former public school teacher, an only child, and someone who told my now-husband when we first talked about marriage that I didn't EVER plan to stay home with the children if we had any. (I'm an only child of parents who both worked. My mother seemed to balance work and motherhood wonderfully - and so would I!) Oh, how the Lord would change my plans! Mustn't He just sit back and laugh at our plans when we so smugly make exclamations. Shortly after the birth of our first baby (like the first five minutes), I realized that could never leave her with anyone for very long. Having all of that flash in my mind, I stared at my computer thinking, "I never would have thought I'd be doing this." So I typed in "ineverthought" ("I never thought..."), but when I looked at it, it looked more like "in every thought". One of the lessons God is teaching me lately (look for more blogs on this) is in taking every thought captive and checking it with the Word and the Truth. That seemed more appropriate for my season in life, so I added a "y" in the middle and settled on it. I can't promise that every thought on this blog will be God-honoring, but I'll certainly strive for that. In every thought on this blog I'll be sharing my heart, my lessons from the Lord, and my road of homeschooling. With those thoughts, I'm already loving this. I just shared the last 9 years of my life in a nutshell! ha. ineverythought.... |
How would I ever go back to work? Well, long story short, I DID return to work, and it wasn't until after our second child was nine months old that I became a full-time mommy. Even then, I felt the call to homeschool. And now here I am, into my fourth year, with three children as my classroom.