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"What has happened to all your joy?" That question sounds like it could've have come from one of my children or my husband on any given day last week, but instead it's one that jumped out at me from my study of Galatians over the past several days. Galatians 4:15, to be exact. I shared on my last blog about the "cycle" that so often entangles me and my way of thinking regarding my children and our school (and our lives.) The only way that I ever recover from the cycle is to get directly into God's Word. The Lord had led me into an intense study of Galatians during this time and I had know idea how it would speak to me. I felt myself begin to come out of the fog when I began to read scriptures like the following: from chapter 1....Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. from chaper 2....Know that a man is not justified by observing the law but by faith in Jesus Christ. from chapter 3...Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? ....Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law or because you believe what you heard? from chapter 4...now that you know God - or rather are known by God - how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? from chapter 5...It is for freedom that Christ has se us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. from chapter 6...Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. God's Word is so powerful. I was completely humbled and revived by Paul's letter to the Galatians. Yes, I've read it before. Yes, I know he wasn't referring to homeschooling or raising children when he wrote it, but the application to my life at this particular time was overwhelming to me. God began to reveal to me through the Word spoken by Paul so long ago that I was living under the law in a sense. No, I wasn't observing the Mosaic law, but I was definitely living under the "law" of thinking that if I did everything just right and created the perfect teaching environment....if I turned every teaching opportunity into one that produced "mini-sermons" on godly character....if I had just the right curriculum.....if I handled each and every misbehavior with the perfect scripture reference (ha!)....and on and on. (Notice how many times I used "I".) In essence, if I did everything right, my children would have greater likelihood of living godly, christian lives without rebellion. I had created a false convenant with God, in a way. When I read the verse "What has happened to all your joy?" I knew that question was for me. I had turned our lives into a regiment of "doing." Instead of living by the Spirit and by faith, I was being sucked into the slavery of "doing." Without even realizing it, I had allowed my visions of perfect children who never exhibit anything other than godliness to overtake my mind. I also envisioned perfect test scores. I also believed that I must produce great children so that all those non-homeschoolers around us would have NOTHING bad to say about my children and our decision to homeschool them (just being totally honest here). Slowly and slyly, I had begun to pick up the burden of doing everything perfectly MYSELF in order to produce the results that I wanted. My thoughts (sub-conciously) were something like this, "Ok Lord, if I get all of my part right (the discipline, the curriculum, the classes, the character development), you'll make them just like I envision them, right?" That was the "deal" that I had made, without even knowing it. Fortunately, God showed me that I don't have to live under that type of slavery of the mind. The burden that I began to carry with this type of thinking kept getting heavier and heavier. I became more weary, and with weariness came irritability. When the weariness and irritability took over, the love and compassion and *joy* for teaching and raising my children was inadvertantly shoved out. Ultimately God allowed me to get my perspective again. It is He who teaches them. It is He who will train them. As their mom and teacher, I must submit my thoughts of the law to Him. I must die to my visions for my children because His visions are greater than mine. Maybe they rebel. Maybe they aren't perfect (maybe?). Maybe they will face hard times (maybe?). I must only rest in the fact that His ways are higher than mine, and He will mold them in the way He sees fit. Paul admonishes the Galatians to live by faith, not by the law. I must apply that to my own life. The burden begins to lighten when I realize that all I must do is believe and have faith that my Savior will work in my children as He see fits. That doesn't remove the responsibility of leading them to Him and teaching about Him. I must do those things as He commands (Duet 6:6-7), and then live freely and watch Him work....through the good and the bad and the ugly....just like He does in my own walk with Him. The verse in the third chapter that says..After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? really hit home with me. I began this homeschooling journey nearly five years ago totally surrendered to the Spirit leading me on my way. I knew that I couldn't do it myself. Funny how that way of thinking slowly changes as we continue to make our way. I will begin striving each day to stay in step with the Spirit. Oh, how the burden lifts when I realize that everything doesn't hinge on me! When I submit to faith and not law-abiding righteousness, I feel lighter immediately....and what woman isn't pleased with feeling lighter! Jude 2 ineverythought |
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