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Jun. 9, 2009
Cold-blooded Murderer!
Yes, OK, I'll admit to the second word. But, really, it wasn't in cold blood, it was just neglectfulness. (This will be kind of roundabout, but it'll get there eventually. So if you want to know exactly how I'm a "murderer", you'll have to bear with me :)
My mom has a beautiful collection of orchids; they thrive and grow and defy the very definition of orchid. There are several different types of orchids, and my mom has at least three or four different types of orchid, and sometimes multiples of the same type. This one type of orchid is only supposed to get three leaves. That's it; just three. Mom's has four currently, but it's had as many as seven or eight at one point. It's only supposed to bloom once a year, but her's blooms twice. Obviously these must be sentient beings that love her or something because this never happens.
At any rate, I must have inherited Mom's love of weird plants. See, we used to go to this fair when we lived in New England called the Big E. They always had very interesting things for sale. The things that always appealed the most to me were the exotic plants. One year they were selling cuttings of a plumeria tree. They said if you stuck the cuttings in water they'd grow roots and then you could plant them and they'd grow into a tree. I talked Mom into buying one. I think it was a total scam. We put that thing in water, replaced the water every couple of days, gave it sunlight, read poetry to it (OK, not really, but we did just about anything else you can think of to get it to grow), and then, after all that, the stupid plant up and died. So my first experiment with exotic plants failed. You might think I learned my lesson; you'd be wrong.
The next year at the Big E they were selling air plants. Air plants are fuzzy green little things that, and I quote, "Are the easiest plant in the world to care for, don't need any soil, and only need to be lightly misted with water about once a week." OK, I thought, the easiest plant in the world. That should be really easy. If I can't keep that alive, I can't keep anything alive. I should've passed on the plant, but I didn't. I bought it. And really, it did last for about six months, but then it died. I'd been forgetting to "mist it." Seriously, I couldn't even remember to mist a stupid plant ONCE A WEEK!!
I ought to have realized right then and there that I am cursed when it comes to plants. I'm almost positive that some fairy cursed me over my cradle that every plant I own will die. Yup. But I excused the air-plant incident by claiming that once a week is much too seldom--I simply forget if I have to care for a plant so little. So, I opted for a bonsai next. Bonsais are plants that require pretty much the most plant care. That's not something you can forget. Over the space of the next several years, I killed not one but two bonsai plants. I also had an African violet at some point along the way. I don't exactly remember what happened with that. I think I got too enthusiastic with the watering, and it developed root rot.
Anyway, I'm hoping this curse is like a lot of the other ones you hear about in the fairy tales where it wears off at 16 because I bought an orchid either last year or the year before. (Hmm...I may have been 15 when I bought it, but perhaps since it lasted until I turned sixteen, and since that curse has now expired, it will no longer be dictated by my curse.) So far it's doing well. Although, that's all to Mom's credit. I only remember to water it about once a month, and I never open the shades in my room so that it can get sunlight. Mom waters it regularly and opens my shades every morning, and in return it blooms and has way more leaves than it's supposed to.
Still, I suppose ELF must have heard about my past history with plants, and if I ever come across one of their spokespeople, I will be denounced as a cold-blooded murderer. I could probably plead mansl...er...plantslaughter, since none of it was on purpose, but something tells me that ELF wouldn't be very understanding |
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Jun. 11, 2009 - Hey!
Your Friend, Felicity =)