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Jul. 27, 2007
Reflection Part 2
After several months of journaling my child, I found some answers.
1. Why, are her emotions all over the place? I feel like were on a roller coaster ride. We were! Her diet made a huge difference, especially removing all the red dye. She was stimulated enough. Lack of communication skills created chaos when one on one. If her hands were busy, she could communicate more effectively. We began seeking activities she enjoyed, such as; knitting, cross-stitching,, coloring, writing and reading. We purchased a few bags to easily carry her supplies where ever we went. Each of her projects are beautiful treasures, not perfect or made correctly but from the heart. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself the recipient of one of her gifts.
2. Disobedience , Willful disobedience or Accidental? This was the hardest for me. A child with fetal alcohol, often mimics who ever they are around, without truly understanding what they are doing. As many, my daughter physical appears to be on task but she is not. If you don’t understand what your doing. You will make many mistakes, often breaking things of value. As she does. A reminder I get almost daily. Example: She washed a load of laundry, completely filling the tub. It was so packed it broke my washing machine. How did she get all those clothes in the washer; I have no idea. Was she trying to be disobedient or helpful? Helpful! The next time she will be disobedient.
My oldest son left his money on the counter, she found it. You know where that’s going. Our solution: Whatever you find bring to mom or dad.
We would go visit friends or family, they would offer the kids a treat, eagerly she excepted with such a grateful attitude. So why did her treat usually end in the trash? She didn’t like what they offered. You see, nobody asked if she wanted to eat it. I fixed that; you take, you eat.
3. Does my child understand what she is doing or is she simply acting?
Why won’t she get dressed? She is dressed; not naked is dressed. A very literal child will teach you to watch your tongue and think before your speak.
Examples: Wash out the trash by hand. She washed out the trash with only her hand. Not quite what I meant.
We had a huge party, buying five watermelons. The next time we went shopping, my daughter loaded five watermelons in the cart.
If your clothes are hanging in her closet, she will claim them. One time she came out with my six year olds shirt on. She wasn’t even aware it was to small, she is seventeen.
This is my favorite. Were cooking, not an easy task. As were making soup. I ask her to add some vegetables. Happily she chose frozen mixed veggies, puts them in the microwave to cook, then adds them to the pot of soup. Why? You always cook vegetables before eating.
Answering the phone: We have taught our children not to talk to strangers. What do you do if a stranger calls? You hang up. No answering the phone ended that problem.
How about answering the door? Once I found our door wide open with a strange man on the porch. My daughter was hiding from the stranger. We installed security doors and no long allow her to answer the door.
How about her monthly? She has named this time the dot. (like at the end of a sentence) I was teaching her how to discard her used items. She went through on her clothes; what did she do? Discard them! I didn’t exactly mean clothing. The stories I could tell you.
4. What are my child’s triggers ? Such as: Smells, sounds, textures, stimulation
Example: a suitcase, hearing a train, motions
It took years for us to work through some of these issues. The things of the past can haunt our children suddenly, a flash of emotion or memory can surface. My daughter lived in more then 16 different foster homes, a suit case would trigger mounds of emotions. She remembered very little before joining our family but the trauma was still very much alive. What a blessing her memory has been wiped free from the trauma of her early years.
6.Does your child have a routine, what is she/he eating, how much sleep?
What a difference a routine has made for our entire family. Her sleep pattern is better, joyfully happy instead of defiant, in-control not out of control. The tricky part is making her routine work for the entire family.
Now what? To be continued…………..
We have been a work in progress for many years, join me; as we search for hidden treasures along the way.
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