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Jul. 27, 2007 Reflection Part 2
After several months of journaling my child, I found some answers.
1. Why, are her emotions all over the place? I feel like were on a roller coaster ride. We were! Her diet made a huge difference, especially removing all the red dye. She was stimulated enough. Lack of communication skills created chaos when one on one. If her hands were busy, she could communicate more effectively. We began seeking activities she enjoyed, such as; knitting, cross-stitching,, coloring, writing and reading. We purchased a few bags to easily carry her supplies where ever we went. Each of her projects are beautiful treasures, not perfect or made correctly but from the heart. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself the recipient of one of her gifts.
2. Disobedience , Willful disobedience or Accidental? This was the hardest for me. A child with fetal alcohol, often mimics who ever they are around, without truly understanding what they are doing. As many, my daughter physical appears to be on task but she is not. If you don’t understand what your doing. You will make many mistakes, often breaking things of value. As she does. A reminder I get almost daily. Example: She washed a load of laundry, completely filling the tub. It was so packed it broke my washing machine. How did she get all those clothes in the washer; I have no idea. Was she trying to be disobedient or helpful? Helpful! The next time she will be disobedient.
My oldest son left his money on the counter, she found it. You know where that’s going. Our solution: Whatever you find bring to mom or dad.
We would go visit friends or family, they would offer the kids a treat, eagerly she excepted with such a grateful attitude. So why did her treat usually end in the trash? She didn’t like what they offered. You see, nobody asked if she wanted to eat it. I fixed that; you take, you eat.
3. Does my child understand what she is doing or is she simply acting?
Why won’t she get dressed? She is dressed; not naked is dressed. A very literal child will teach you to watch your tongue and think before your speak.
Examples: Wash out the trash by hand. She washed out the trash with only her hand. Not quite what I meant.
We had a huge party, buying five watermelons. The next time we went shopping, my daughter loaded five watermelons in the cart.
If your clothes are hanging in her closet, she will claim them. One time she came out with my six year olds shirt on. She wasn’t even aware it was to small, she is seventeen.
This is my favorite. Were cooking, not an easy task. As were making soup. I ask her to add some vegetables. Happily she chose frozen mixed veggies, puts them in the microwave to cook, then adds them to the pot of soup. Why? You always cook vegetables before eating.
Answering the phone: We have taught our children not to talk to strangers. What do you do if a stranger calls? You hang up. No answering the phone ended that problem.
How about answering the door? Once I found our door wide open with a strange man on the porch. My daughter was hiding from the stranger. We installed security doors and no long allow her to answer the door.
How about her monthly? She has named this time the dot. (like at the end of a sentence) I was teaching her how to discard her used items. She went through on her clothes; what did she do? Discard them! I didn’t exactly mean clothing. The stories I could tell you.
4. What are my child’s triggers ? Such as: Smells, sounds, textures, stimulation
Example: a suitcase, hearing a train, motions
It took years for us to work through some of these issues. The things of the past can haunt our children suddenly, a flash of emotion or memory can surface. My daughter lived in more then 16 different foster homes, a suit case would trigger mounds of emotions. She remembered very little before joining our family but the trauma was still very much alive. What a blessing her memory has been wiped free from the trauma of her early years.
6.Does your child have a routine, what is she/he eating, how much sleep?
What a difference a routine has made for our entire family. Her sleep pattern is better, joyfully happy instead of defiant, in-control not out of control. The tricky part is making her routine work for the entire family.
Now what? To be continued…………..
We have been a work in progress for many years, join me; as we search for hidden treasures along the way.
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As education is extremely important, living a functional life is of greater value. I spent countless years trying to teach academics when simple life skills were lacking. My limited understanding was both frustrating and left me burned out.
When nothing worked. I began to understand something was truly wrong. I became educated on every label the doctors placed on my child. What an unachievable task set before me. I gave up! Why try, my child could not learn.
Until one day, I read this phrase in an article. “researchers believe learning disabilities are caused by differences in how a child’s brain works and processes information. “
Wow! The problem was with the teacher; not my child. My eyes were open to find new ways for my child to process and learn.
Child Journal: To understand my child. I wrote everything down for several months. I still at times will pull out a notebook and begin to journal when we are having a set back. I usually find, I am not being consistent to the needs of my child.
The questions that help me understand.
1. Why, are her emotions all over the place like a roller coaster.
2. Disobedience , Willful disobedience or Accidental.
3. Does my child understand what she is doing or is she simply acting?
4. What are my child’s triggers ? Such as: Smells, sounds, textures, stimulation
Example: a suitcase, hearing a train, motions
6.Does your child have a routine, what is she/he eating, how much sleep?
What is a reflection? The image of somebody or something that appears in a mirror or other reflecting surface. Have you ever studied your child’s reflection? Whose reflection do you see? What I found, her reflection, through journaling. The treasure I may have never found.
Reflection
Whom do I observe today? A child or young lady? I imagine, who ever I desire to be at this very moment. Would you like to view my life, through my eyes, in the course of my favorite day.
I need routine so I rise every morning at 8AM, no matter how late I go to bed. Starting my day with a list or I may not remember to get dressed and comb my hair.
Soon afterward, mom will take me to the library. Hastily, I head for the children’s section. Can you believe I may pick out any book? Naturally, I choose the same novels as before.
Continuing ahead toward our first stop. Mom will remain in the car while I proceed to make a payment. Anxiously, sprinting out of my seat, head tilted forward, eyes cast down, I scurrying inside. My entire existence sparkles with joy from the thrill of my adventures today. My only distraction will be an unexpected question, from the clerk, bringing about my hurried departure.
Arriving home. I leap out anxiously, dashing through the front door in lightening speed. Announcing my return with fierce banging while on pursuit for my brothers. I pounce on them, divulging my escapade, trapping them to hear ever detail. My excitement will pour through my entire being with over indulged animation. Unaware of the expressionless faces on my captive audience. I will savor this wonderful day. Because today; my reflection was you.
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