Sometimes, just when I think I’m going to make it, the fog rolls in. 

Guideposts are blanketed in obscurity. 

The horizon disappears. 

The road I was following ends only a few steps away. 

Familiar sounds become muffled and distant.

Those that had been so close, I’m now reaching out to find.

The sun’s warmth is lost to a cool and clinging dampness.

The difference between day and night becomes a muted shade of grey.

It becomes so easy to halt the journey; to sit down and wait for the mist to clear, to wander aimlessly down perilous paths, balanced dangerously on edge.  Getting lost is a real possibility in this lonely landscape. 

Yet, I'm forgetting that I’m not alone. 

”…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24

It’s true that I often don’t want Him that close.  How can I when I’m covered in filth?  There is no room for holiness in the company of sin.  So I rush down the road without Him.  I’ve even tried to push Him away, to tell Him to I can find my way alone.   I’ve rejected His gentle pleas to help, to guide, to comfort, to cleanse; confident I can make it on my own.  The things I’ve done have severed the closest family bonds. 

Yet He remains.

He alone is my friend that sticks closer than any human being on this earth.  He alone can follow through on a promise to never back away in disgust at my fleshly failings. 

He alone…Jesus.

He is my flashlight in the dark.

He is my map on unknown paths.

He is my hope in worlds dim.

He is my vision in barren lands.

He is my courage on fearsome nights.

He is my peace in stormy seas.

He is my rock in shifting sands.

He is my guide in blackest night.

He is my comfort in tortured fits.

He is my friend in lonely places.

He is my all in life so tainted.

For no matter what it seems, I’ve not been swallowed up in waves of hazy nothingness.  Oh, Father, give me eyes to see…to see the way it looks to You.   For just one glance would surely show, that the ocean I’m engulfed in has melted into puddles of obscurity. 

If only I could see

You standing here, holding me.

"Be strong and courageous..., for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Don’t ever imagine that there is a point beyond the scope of God’s faithfulness. 

Don’t ever imagine that in faith you have stepped out too far.   That the time has come to stretch out a safety net and take a few steps back to more familiar ground.

There is no faith too radical. 

No hope too high. 

No promise too marvelous to maintain.

Each and every act of obedience to Him is noted.  It is not wasted…it is honored.

Think of Abraham claiming a nation from nothing.

Think of Noah laboring for years to build a massive boat when he had not even felt a raindrop.

Think of Moses standing before the mighty pharaoh and telling him of the Great I AM.

Think of David alone in a field, facing the giant, with a powerful army cowering behind him.

Think of the prophets proclaiming truth; boldly rejecting the sway of sin.

Think of…

Each faithful act of obedience is answered by an even mightier act from God.

“She judged Him faithful who had promised.”

Hebrews 11:11

Abraham erected altars in the places that God came down to talk with him, the places where God blessed him and strengthened his faith. 

“The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.”  So he built an altar there to the Lord, who had appeared to him.”

Genesis 12:7

Later his son Jacob would be visited by YHWH in the exact same location that Abraham had placed his first altar after arriving at Bethel in Canaan. (Gen. 28)

“When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.”  He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place!  This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.”

Genesis 28:16,17

From this I learn that the altars I erect, the sacrifices I make become a common meeting ground for myself and later my children to experience God. Not only do these altars anchor me in my life’s wanderings by tying me to the promises of God.  But, if I build the altar, if  I perform the sacrifice, if I set the example, my kids will one day return to that place to find out who God is… for themselves. They may wrestle with God, they may become lame in certain areas, but our faithful God will not leave them without a blessing and a new name.  They will be given a fresh reverence for his sovereignty.

I may think it’s all about me, but His ways are so much higher.  In my spiritual journey, I am laying down the paving stones that they will one day travel; placing their own milestones along the way.

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I can identify a lot with Sarai lately.

She was tortured by something she couldn’t have.  In and of itself her desire wasn’t sinful, wrong, or out of line with God’s word.  In fact, God had promised her she would have it…someday.

She had to learn patience.  She had to learn contentment.  She had to trust that there were purposes at work that trumped her efforts and desires. 

But it ate at her.

In his book, “Twelve Extraordinary Women”, John Macarthur puts it bluntly, “Every recorded episode of ill temper or strife in her household was related to her frustrations about her own barrenness….She spent years in the grip of frustration and depression because of it.”  This set me to wondering how often my ill-temper or depression is related to frustration over my own lust and covetousness, failings and shortcomings.   Could it be that when I invite strife into my house or allow moodiness to overtake me, it’s not so much because of others (as I assume), but it’s due to my inner frustration and guilt over my own failings?  Would thinking of it in this light soften my hand towards those who exhibit the same tendencies?

“Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts.  Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

Isaiah 55:7

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.  I spread out my hands to You; my soul longs for You like a thirsty land.  Do not hide Your face from me, lest I be like those who go down into the pit.  Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You alone.

Psalm 143:6-8

“Scripture never discounts the female intellect, downplays the talents and abilities of women, or discourages the right use of women’s spiritual gifts.  But whenever the Bible expressly talks about the marks of an excellent woman, the stress is always on feminine virtue.  The most significant women in Scripture were influential not because of their careers, but because of their character.  The message these women collectively give is not about “gender equality”; it’s about true feminine excellence.  And this is always exemplified in moral and spiritual qualities rather than by social standing, wealth, or physical appearance.

            According to the apostle Peter, for instance, true feminine beauty is not about external adornment, “arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel”; real beauty is seen instead in “the hidden person of the heart…the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God”  (1 Peter 3:3-4).  Paul, likewise, said godliness and good words are the real essence of feminine beauty; not artificial embellishments applied to the outside (1 Tim.  2:9-10).”  (John MacArthur)

It’s everywhere in culture today.  Every conceivable weight is bought to bear upon today’s woman in an effort to deter her from God’s purpose; His intricate design for Godly womanhood. 

It is relentless.

It is pervasive.

And it’s straight from the pit of hell, just as it was thousands of years ago in the garden.

His tactics haven’t changed and that’s why I can gain so much from the study of His eternal word.

I will not find the elusive satisfaction I am striving for, until I see that I have been pursuing in the wrong direction.  Until I return to the words God spoke so many years ago, still reverberating truth for me today.

If the joy of the Lord is my strength, then is the joy of the world my weakness?

If the joy of the Lord is my confidence, then is the joy of the world my insecurity?

Never again by water.  The next time fire.

The first time:

"The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.  The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain."

Genesis 6:5,6

The second time I imagine it will be, shamefully, for the same reason.

"But the day of the Lord will come like a thief.  The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.

II Peter 3:10

Sadly ironic how the symbol of this promise has been hijacked by those who will ultimately help to bring about it's fulfillment.

(The credit for this beautiful picture goes to my husband, who has a gift for capturing beauty.)