Posted in My Kids
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
I have been reading the book 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
by Thomas W. Phelan and although it is not a Christian book it has reminded me of the Proverb mentioned above. I had been hearing a lot of talk about the book both with my online friends and my real life friends. I had hesitated to spend the $14.95 on it since I already use counting and timeouts with my kids. But, I finally broke down and bought it and I am glad I did.
The basics system is similar to what I have been doing all along, with some distinct differences. For one thing at the beginning of instituting this new system I sat my kids down and explained to them that from now on I would be using counting differently. Instead of saying "1,2,3, go to your room!" I would tell them "You're on 1." This would be their first opportunity to straighten up. If they don't straighten up I would tell them "You're on 2." This would be their second opportunity to straighten up. If they still have not stopped the undesired behavior I will then give them the count of 3 and send them to their room. But what I really like about this new system relates to the Proverb. I am to remain unemotional. (It has been harder than I expected!) I cannot yell, criticize or lecture. I just count and send. And do you want to know what is happening? It's working great! Much better than my old system which I must admit included a lot more of talking of my part. (Imagine that, me talking! LOL)
I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a simple but effective discipline system. There is obviously a lot more in the book than the simplistic information I have offered here. For us it is working. We have less time-outs, less conflicts and a lot more peace and quiet around here. I think the kids like the system. The other night my oldest son had done something and I started in on lecturing him. My 5 year old daughter was sitting on my lap and she leaned over and whispered to me "Mom, your just suppose to say one." In retrospect that $14.95 was a bargain!
Comments
Mar. 4, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by preschoolmommy
thank you for the recommendation. I'm so tired of the conflicts out there (Dr. Phil vs Dr Dobson vs The Super Nanny vs Dennis Rainey...the list goes on and on). I like the approach you mentioned and may try it, once I get the book of course. I'm reading STRONG WILLED CHILD, which I didn't realize till I was browsing at it in the store, that I actually had one of those, according to it's description. I usually use the counting method of when I get to 3, you either straighten up and shut your mouth, or you get the punishment (whether it's time out, spanking or room or hot sauce on the back-talking tongue).
BTW, I love the bumper sticker you mentioned in the previous post. That goes alone with a sticker I want that says: I teach in my pajamas. That would be great!
¤ Permanent Link
Mar. 4, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by wdement
I need to dig that book back out. We all are tired of Mommy's lectures!!!!!
¤ Permanent Link
Mar. 5, 2006 - Boy do I relate!
Posted by illiteratepoet
That it is harder to remain unemotional than we want to think. There is an 11 year gap between the one who was my youngest and my current youngest - I find I do better now than I did before but sometimes it is still a trial for mom to remain so detached and factual.
I just wanted to thank you for visiting my blog and to let you know I really like what you are doing with yours. I'm not there yet, maybe because my life is still in limbo ;-) Blessings :-)
¤ Permanent Link
Mar. 6, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Leigh2
A friend of mine has that book...maybe I'll get her to let me borrow it.
¤ Permanent Link
Mar. 7, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by 3FoldChord
I'm glad the book is working for you. it's hard to find a system that works. and the needed system is always needing to change, LOL
I don't like 1-2-3. I feel like it tells my kids they don't have to obey until the 3rd time I tell them. But it seems to work well for others. And that's what's important, to find what works for the individual family
¤ Permanent Link
Dec. 26, 2008 - 123 Magic
Posted by Kitty
We started this about 2 years ago with all 3 children, then aged 2, 6 and 8. Works the best with the youngest since it's virtually the only way we have tried with her. Phelan is right that you have to be very very consistent for this to work. With my oldest 2 it has been less successful. Bottom line, there is no reason for the 2 of them, who are now 8 and 10 to have 3 chances to do most of what they come up with that is time-out worthy. So we have cut out the 123 with them and send them straight to time out or take away something/everything. For example my son said something vile to another child at the pool, busted red handed by her mom (a friend of mine). He was made to apologize immediately and properly to the girl and her mom. We were about 5 minutes from leaving the pool to take him to a birthday party at the time...instead he took the gift to the door, told the mom and his friend he had done something horrible at the pool and lost his chance to go to the party. Then home for a huge talking to and lengthy stay in his room. Plus we prayed with him together about the matter at bedtime. He has really started to monitor the things he says and to understand that he can resist speaking the way his friends do, etc. This happened 6 months ago and we are seeing a lasting change. Back to the 123 system: it has had limited effectiveness for us.
¤ Permanent Link
