Here we are in limbo. Again. The visa runs out on December 5th and friends and family are asking us about our Christmas plans.  No clue.  We assume we're staying until we're told to go.  Our hearts don't feel like our season here is done.  We're growing so much and really contributing to our church here.  Our kids love it and they're learning so much.  

A couple of years ago, the waiting and not knowing would have driven me nuts.  Meet Ms. Control Freak who had her life planned out (including the age to get married and the names of my kids) by the time she was 12.  Yep!  Scary, huh?  Luckily, God had different ideas and his plans and his timing are always best.  He's shown me that time after time.

Dh and I went to Italy 5 years ago on a second honeymoon.  I'm afraid of heights, but somehow he convinced me to climb to the top of the Duomo in Florence.  We went up endless tiny, narrow stairs, winding staircases.  When we got to the top, the view was unbelievable and then. . .I had to get down.

I remember standing at the top of the first set of roughly a million stairs looking down.  I was thinking, "Oh no, now I have to live up here because I'm NEVER getting down."  I took my 6 ft 4 Dh and said, "Honey you go in front of me so that I can't see all of the way down.  I'll just look at you and the next step and I'll be okay."

Just as if God was standing beside me, I heard "That's all you have to do with me too.  Just look at me and the next step.  That's all you'll ever get and that's all you'll ever need." 

I hate that I don't see the future all neatly planned in front of me, but heck it would probably make the Duomo steps look like a cake walk so it's probably best that I can't.  God's word is a lamp unto my feet, not a spotlight. 

Just God and the next step.

My almost 2 yr old DD wanted to go into the yard after a rain.  I told her not to get her feet muddy.  A few minutes later, I noticed she was splashing in mud puddles in her SISTER's shoes!  But her feet weren't muddy, right?

Anyone who has children understands how "the law makes more sinners."  If you give a kid a rule you've thrown down the gauntlet.  Now you have to enforce it!  Of course we have to make rules but we try to keep them short and sweet here.  I truly believe that's why the good Lord only gave us 10 commandments.  He gave us the fewest don'ts he could so that we would concentrate on the do's.   Then along comes Jesus and explains that the outward actions of our body aren't what God is after, it's the inward obedience of our hearts.  OUCH!

I remember a cute story that has made the rounds on email about a child that didn't want to wear her seatbelt.  After a prolonged confrontation, her mother strapped her in and sat down in the driver's seat.  Their eyes met in the rear view mirror and the preschooler declared, "I'm still standing up on the inside."

Change my heart Oh Lord.  Don't let me forget that the letter of the law falls far short of the spirit you intend.

My kids are so funny.  Not always on purpose either.  What do people without kids do for fun, seriously?  At least once a day someone says or does something that makes me smile or laugh out loud. 

This week--

My 4 year old DD creating her own words.--How do you spell skitteling?  It starts with a S and it's when you brush your teeth with your eyes closed.

My 8yr old DS's random wonderings--What weighs more, the Eiffel tower or a steam engine train? (DOH!) 

My 23 month old DD while we were enjoying our morning walk.--Mommy, bird sing twinkle star! (that made me smile)

My 6yr old in the car reading out of his animal encyclopedia to the his baby sister. Of course instead of "rhino" he was saying "Javan Rhinoceros." Everything was the proper LONG name. When I suggested he shorten it a little, he replied, "Mommy, she's needs to learn the right words so she can be smart."

And then my contribution--My 6 year old was upset about going to soccer until I squeezed the sunscreen bottle a bit too much and ended up spattered with sunblock.  We all laughed so hard.

My husband asks me everyday to tell me the good things that have happened. It's been a Godsend for me because it keeps my focus on the right things.  I hope you smiled at least one smile today.

In my last blog, I talked about how ignoring a problem actually makes it worse and how being a peacemaker wasn't the same as being a wimp.  I got a very good question from the comments section and from some friends.  How do you know when to confront?

I agree that there are times to overlook faults in a Christian family member and times to confront sins.  I think the first question would be, "Is this a fault that should be overlooked or a sin that needs to be exposed and dealt with?"  If something is a danger to someone's witness or their Christian walk, it is time to confront.  If it's just irritating to you personally or some point of doctrine that's open to interpretation--bite your tongue and ask for God's grace in dealing with it.  And work on that log in your eye while you're at it.   We often focus on the faults of others rather than on dealing with our own sins.  It's much easier, isn't it? Well it is for me, anyway. 

If you determine that the problem is a sin that needs to be exposed (for the good of the sinner), then you should follow the Biblical model of conflict resolution.  Jesus outlines what I should in case a fellow Christian offends me in Matthew 18:14-17.

Step 1:  Go to the offender and discuss it with him or her alone.  Your motivation is key.  The goal is to restore the relationship not to make you feel better or give you an opportunity to "give that person a piece of my mind."  It might also be good to note that the first step isn't to call your best friend and gripe about the offense.  It might make you feel better but it doesn't reconcile the relationship. What would be helpful before you confront (in love) is to talk to the prince of peace.  Prayers to guide your tongue and soften the heart of your hearer are very helpful.

Step 2:  If the first attempt doesn't succeed, take one or two fellow Christians who have a relationship with both parties to talk to the offender.  By bringing in one or two other Christians. Your goal is not to gang up, it's to bring in more love and authority.

Step 3:  If he or she refuses to listen, then I am supposed to bring the matter before the church body.  Once again I'm adding more love, more prayer and more spiritual authority. 

Step 4:  Step back.  You've done all you can and the rest is between the offender and God. 

One last thing--

1 Peter 4:8

Love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins.

This isn't to say that if you love someone you overlook their sins.  The word cover can also be translated "pardon."  When the governor pardons a criminal, he isn't saying the criminal  did not commit the crime, he is releasing him or her from the penalty of the crime.   Our love should not pretend to look the other way, it should cover the offense so completely that we can freely forgive the offender.

I hope that helps someone.

Sometimes God speaks to me in the strangest ways.  Out of nowhere I thought, "Problems are like dirty diapers."  Stay with me here.

No one likes dealing with dirty diapers.  No one likes changing them, no one likes taking them out to the garbage can.  However they are an unpleasant task that must be dealt with.  A dirty diaper left on a child will cause the child to develop a rash or even sores.  Left inside a room, it will pollute the air so that no one can enjoy being in the room.  The longer we ignore the diaper, the more damage it does and the worse the task is to clean it up. Problems are like that too.

So many people take Jesus' pronouncement of the blessedness of peacemakers and mistake it for a call to wimpiness.  Jesus was no wimp and he is not calling us to hide from conflict either.  If he had dodged conflict, the leaders would have had no need to crucify him to preserve their power.

Matthew 10:34-36

34"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come   to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn
   " 'a man against his father,
      a daughter against her mother,
   a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -
    36a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'^[a]

And this was the PRINCE OF PEACE! 

Time after time in the scriptures, we are called on to confront evil.  Bringing about true peace often happens through conflict.  If your child is using drugs, are you being a peacemaker by ignoring it?  Or does being a true peacemaker require that you confront the problem in order to bring about lasting peace?

That is not to say that we should go around accusing people with a mighty pointing finger, but when someone in our family (blood relative or close church family) is stumbling, it is our job to point it out and help him or her back up.

Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
       but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

We are injuring someone if we only help him cover a sin.

We’ve all worked with them, those people that perform a task because they are compelled by duty.  It’s their job description and the grit their teeth and force themselves through each unpleasant task.  They deserve some level of admiration for their grit but you can see each duty hang heavily on them and dragging them down—sapping their energy and joy. 

When I was training to be a teacher, the teacher I was student teaching under was like that.  She was leaving at the end of the semester and her heart was already gone, but she went through the motions with an air of patient suffering.  I’ve seen the same attitude in business and in church ministry. 

Old people forgotten in nursing homes are victims of the "duty" mentality. Many times, their children feel they have “done their duty” in finding someone to care for their aging parents.  Love, however, could never bear to leave a parent alone for weeks, months or years on end. 

What’s the difference?  Duty is a burden of guilt.  We bear it but are relieved when it is removed.  Love has a hunger to please and bring joy to our loved ones.  Duty follows the requirements to the letter but not one jot more will it give.  Love goes beyond “the call of duty” and gives itself wholeheartedly and passionately.  Duty is about responsibility but love is about relationship.

When my energy is running low and my obligations seem like burdens, it’s time for a love break.  I dance with, laugh with, play games with or just hug my kids.  If I feel my relationship with my husband becoming draining, I schedule time alone with him even if it’s just snuggling after the kids are asleep. Most of all, I get alone with the one who loves me best and loves me most.  I can’t give love unless I receive it from my heavenly father, who loves me beyond measure.

 I don’t want to slog through my life, solemnly doing my duty.  I want to smile though my life, meeting my responsibilities with the energy of love. 

It’s not what we do, it’s how we love.

I Corinthians 13:1-3

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Please read the story below.  I couldn't figure out how to put them together.

We have this running conversation at my house.  As we've begun to study more science and as my second son has become an avid animal book reader, they have been exposed to the theory of evolution.   As a homeschooler and a Christian I think it is vital that we be educated about the lies of the enemy and expose them.  I believe that evolution is one of the many lies we as humans have made up to explain away God so that we can decide what is right and wrong without fear of consequences. 

I used an illustration of a friend of mine.  If I took their container of approximately 1 billion Lego bricks (I might be exaggerating here but only slightly), shook it and poured it out--would it become a building or a car or a robot? No.  What if I should it for a year? No. What if I shook it for a hundred years? No. Although the probability is that one brick might stick on top of one other which is why evolutionist have to believe in the extreme age of the earth. I.E. if we shook the container for a million years, we might have some sort of structure when we poured it out. Why doesn't shaking a box of Legos result in a structure?  Because blocks do not build themselves.  To have a creation, there must first be a creator. 

We study the wild diversity of life here:  so many different flowers, so many different races and colors of people, so many animals and birds.  Science can be a wonderfu opportunity to study the creativity of God and the complexity of Creation.  As we talk about the way God made each animal for it's enviroment and for it's place in his world (whether it be predetor, prey, pollunator or scavenger), we see that each person is made with those things in mind too.

We studied our fingerprints and how each person has unique fingerprints.  I told them that each one of us shows the unique fingerprint of God.  He hand chose our body, our spirit and our personality and we were made for a purpose.  I tell them when they look in their mirror, they can know without a doubt that God made them exactly the way he intended to. 

Isn't that the precious truth that evolution has removed from secular life?  Each of us is hand made by a loving creator in his image and  for a specific purpose.  Each life is unique and precious.  Recognition of that truth makes loving one another make so much more sense. 

So as we study the way a flower is made, or a pirahna, or a dying star--we can highlight the beauty and function of God's plan. Each creature and plant, pebble and mountain--each of them reflecting the endless creativity of a beautiful God.

This article is scary!  A friend of mine commented on it in her myspace blog and brought it to my attention.  Here's the link to the article.  What madness!  Are they kidding?  All this complaining about childhood obesity and they ban tag?  Shouldn't they just be glad the kids are moving around and burning fat?  But I'm sure all of "tag banners" are thrilled to learn that the same lovely people who brought us Botox are trying to get the gastric band (an implant to reduce stomach size) approved for use in children 14 and over! Read that insane article here.  We take away tag and introduce surgical interventions.  What is wrong with this picture?!

I just have to say that we are seriously missing the point of childhood here.  Children learn while they play and if someone has to be "it" for two rounds, the world will not come to an end.  Childhood is all about skinned knees and getting dirty. HELLO?  How terribly ironic that the tag ban and the gastric band articles came out only a week apart.

I'm glad for one thing, my children will never have to worry about either.  And it serves as a reminder to me to let my kids be kids and not to try to take away all of the stings of childhood.  Many of those struggles are necessary to help them become self sufficient adults.  I'm just here to pour scripture into them, guide them through and help them develop the tools to succeed.

We all have personality characteristics that we wish we didn't and that also goes for our children. I have an oldest son who is very sensitive, my second son is a force of nature (strong willed doesn't cover it), my older daughter is sensitive AND strong willed.   It's too soon to tell about the baby, but as the terrible two's conmence I'm pretty sure she has the family "leader" gene which my Lebanese friend describes as "most strong." 

Sometimes I struggle with these characteristics in them.  Word like wimpy, stubborn, arrogant and overbearing leap to my mind and (God forgive me) to my mouth--though not in their hearing.  In part my struggle is with those tendancies in myself that I dislike.  But, you know what?  GOD NEVER SAYS OOPS!

God MEANT them to have those characteristics.  My eldest son frustrates me when he cries too easily and cares "too much."  Is it possible to care too much? Do I really want him to become tough in his emotions or do I want him to focus his caring on things that matter to God.  He's the first to stop in the middle of a soccer game to help up a fallen player. God made him caring and compassionate.  My job is to help him use those character traits to the glory of God.  Jesus wept! 

I'm retraining my mouth to use positive words to describe those characteristics to remind me that God wants me to help my children use their personalities to his glory.  "Oversensitive" becomes "compassionate" "gentle" "caring."  "Stubborn" becomes "determined" "decisive." 

And now, a case in point. 

When our oldest daughter was 2 and we moved her to from a crib to a toddler bed, we struggled with getting her to stay in her room at night.  We tried pretty much everything and then I re-read "The Strong-Willed Child" and saw Dr. Dobson's advice on the subject.  He suggests putting the spanking spoon across the doorway so that the child has to step over it when she leaves the room.

We put her to bed.  Reminded her she was supposed to stay in her bed and sleep and reminded her of the consequences if she got out.  We laid the spanking spoon in the doorway and went downstairs.  We waited.  After 20 minutes we started to congratulate ourselves.  Then we heard a little noise. There at the bottom of the steps was our toddler with the spoon in her hand. With a sigh, she handed the spoon to my husband and said, "I guess you have to spank me now."  My husband shook his head, turned to me and said, "Maybe next time we should read a book called "Raising World Leaders." 

So when they're being. . .  ahem. . .strong, I try to remember that Jesus gave me future leaders to raise and treat them accordingly.

SEAL falls on grenade to save comrades

Do you know one reason why I love God so much?  The creator of the universe knows me so well and goes out of his way to do the right thing for me at the right time.  Just as I'm touched when my husband remembers a pair of earrings that I wanted or my favorite candy bar, I'm touched when God comforts my heart with little things just for me.

The night Parker almost drowned, Dh and I went out to dinner.  We had planned it in advance and had a sitter.   Dh's boss was paying the bill because of all of his hard work these last few months on the project.   My body was zinging with more adreneline that I've ever imagined.  I just couldn't relax.  I kept seeing Parker's face when it first broke the water--the utter terror, the desperate panic.  I was afraid I would dream about it that night.  I was praying, "Lord, you were so good to save him and I want to dwell on that, not on what could have happened.  Please help me find peace and be able to shift my focus to tonight and enjoying time with my husband."

We had chosen my favorite, Tides. We had a table right on the water and we had just sat down when a man came over and asked us if we wanted to see a sting ray. We looked out and about 10 ft from the beach was a sting ray as big as a our table top. She swam around in and out of view (there are lights on the deck that illuminate the water for about 20 ft out.) As dinner progressed we saw two more stingrays--one the size of a hula hoop and one only about dinner plate size. I was just captivated by their grace. Their wings flipped like the skirts of slow motion flamenco dancers. Gorgeous! Their sweeping underwater flight soothed my heart.  I felt like God had sent them just for me, as comfort. 

He CARES! The God that stirred the Milky Way with a mighty finger knew the turmoil in my heart and sent underwater dancers to quiet my spirit.  Thank you for loving me, Lord.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.  Psalm 34:8

We were in the pool, just the boys, Baby B and me.  I was at one end of the pool with B and the boys were playing with an inflatable raft that belongs to one of their friends.  It has a rope around the outside so you can tow it around more easily.  They were messing around and I just happened to turn around in time to see P jump off the raft and slip between the rope and the raft.  I watched to see him come up but he didn't.

I started swimming as fast as I could and A who was sitting in the other end of the raft pops over to the side and reaches into the water at the same moment.  My 70 pound son pulled his 55 pound brother up enough for him to get air then pulled his chest out of the water.  Somehow P had gotten tangled in the rope and was trapped under the raft.  I had reached the boat and as soon as I saw that I couldn't untangle him in the water (8ft deep) I pushed the raft to the side.  A was still holding P out of the water and P was screaming his head off because he was still caught.  I got him to the side and it took me a couple of minutes to untangle him, in part because he was completely hysterical at that point.    

Miracle 1) I had not been watching them every minute but I looked over just as it happened. 2) I am a pretty poor swimmer but I reached him in seconds from the other end of the pool. 3) That A was alert and had the strength to reach UNDER the raft and drag up P who was struggling madly. And then he was able to hold both his head and chest out of the water while I towed the raft to the side. 4)B was sitting on the side with the arm floaties on the whole time it happened (normally she is in the water or trying to run all over the place). 5) Afterwards I saw that the top rope burn was right below his collarbone, 2 inches from his throat.

Thank you God!

Why do we follow the rules?  Is it fear of getting caught if we step out of line? Because it's the right thing to do?

Laws work on the principle that if people are afraid of the social consequences, they will obey the rules.  The only problem is, in the person who wishes to do evil, the fear of punishment only breeds sneakiness.  The desire to sin is still there, so the person finds way of getting what he or she wants without getting caught.  His body may obey the rules, but their heart is a different story and eventually his desire to get what he wants will override the fear of punishment.  The same is true of authoritarian parenting. If your child is only obeying out of fear of punishment, when that fear is removed (he's an adult and no longer has to fear your consequences) he will do as he chooses and that will be exactly the opposite of your requirements in many cases.

That is not to say that rules are bad.  Rules in and of themselves are good when they follow the principles of those first 10 God gave so long ago, but God wisely understands that the appearance of obedience or obedience with our body isn't true obedience.  He looks at the heart, where true obedience is found.

When we first start instructing our kids, we use the fear of punishment and the motivation of reward.  Hopefully, as we train them we explain the why's and the child moves on to doing something because it is the right thing to do.  But our highest goal as a Christian and as a parent should be that our motivation is to do the right thing because Christ loves us and we want to please him.  When we understand that the fear of punishment (Hell) is gone and that we don't have to earn our salvation, there is no other true motivation for following the commandments. We obey out of love and gratitude for  the one who loves us when we are unloveable and who is faithful when we are faithless. 

Value is determined by the price someone is willing to pay for an object.  If you assess worth this way, you will know that you are priceless.  There is no more precious payment than the one Jesus paid for you.

Our church is having a week of prayer and fasting this week. It started yesterday.  I struggled all week with what I should do about it.  I have eating issues (I've been overweight on and off since I was 8) and my husband who is and always has been thin gets frustrated with me.  I was trying to explain that I wanted to set my goals realistically.  He wanted me to set impossible goals and see what God could/would help me do.  Finally I managed to explain to him and to myself just why I wanted a realistic goal.  I wanted something that would allow me to focus on God and not on whether I was strong enough or failing based on what I did.  I'm a frustrated perfectionist and past fasts have been wonderful occasions for beating myself up about my shortcomings in the food department, but they haven't been wonderful experiences of drawing closer to God--my hangup, not God's.

So my Dh suddenly understood and he said, "Then don't fast--just pray.  It's not about eating or not eating as much as it is about your focus.  If fasting makes it all about you, don't fast and make it all about God."  What a relief.  Now I feel free to fast some days, one day or no days . Now I'm paying attention to where my focus is, where my heart is.  This week especially I want it to be all about HIM.

And this week I'm teaching at our home Bible study group on Romans 14.  God gave me the perfect text.  Romans 14: 17 and 18 in the Message:

 17-18God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

Amen and Amen, God

I've been working on our school schedule with help from the great folks at Titus2.com .  I thought I had a pretty good schedule fleshed out so I emailed it to my husband yesterday morning before lunch.  Wednesdays are our busiest days since my oldest has soccer and my 4 yr old has gymnastics that afternoon.  Dh emailed back with some suggestions but otherwise agreed that the schedule looked great. 

We trucked along fine the rest of the day (right on schedule).  The kids were bathed, dressed, teeth brushed and all got bedtime stories.  It was 8:45 and I was just sitting down to a quiet house when the phone rang.  It was my DH who was still at work.  I had neglected to schedule "pick up Daddy from work."  Thank God for my friend in the neighborhood who volunteered to come over and stay in my house while I went to fetch my husband.  His first comment?  "I'd like to suggest an addition to the schedule!"

I'm going to reveal my age here.  In the 70's when I was a young child, my grandparents lived in rural Texas.  They loved to go to the lakes and rivers to fish and my grandfather had multiple health challenges, so he installed  a CB radio in his car so that my grandma could call for help in case he became sick.  I would sit in the car with them and listen to the truckers talk to each other.  It was a mysterious world of code phrases, some of which my grandfather translated for me. 

Well before the Internet, the truckers had "handles" (user names).  I remember a few of their strange catch phrases even after all these years. "What's your 10-20? "meant "Where are you?"  "Smokies" were "Policemen."  But my favorite phrase which always made me laugh was "Have you  got your ears on?" which meant "Is your radio on so you can receive my message?"

I was realizing yesterday that God is sending out messages to us all of the time:  through scripture, sermons, words from friends, and even questions from our children.  He's that still small voice in my conscience and that hesitation in my spirit when I don't feel something is right.  He's that soft warmth of comfort in my grief and that uncomfortable finger of conviction on my heart.  Whether I receive those messages depends on whether I am listening to him. 

God calls urgently into the airwaves "Has anyone got their ears on?"  Like Samuel, I want to reply, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3:10)

"He that has ears, let him hear." Matthew 11:15