Sandy Southwest

Do you fit in?

Have you ever felt that you no longer fit in someplace?  I have been part of a homeschooling board that is LDS for about 3 years now - and lately I find myself having problems with being there.  I find myself wondering if the people there truly care about me?  Are they concerned like the feign to be when I ask for help?  Or are they just saying those things to appease me?

I find this board to be uplifting at times.  However, at other time, I find it to be a HUGE source of contention.  It seems that at times, even when one asks for advice or for prayers, that the women there feel that it's necessary to interject their opinion about your problem or situation!  Which then makes you feel even worse.

And then there are the ladies who choose to stir up contention - no matter what the subject.  I'm afraid that I don't understand the need of some women to either debate every subject (Oh, I know!  They are trying to impress us with their intellect.) or they must have something negative to say about your problem/situation.

So, over the last month, while I go and read this board, I have not posted (but 3 times) - I find that while I may have something to say about it in my head, that my heart has no desire to speak that thought aloud - let alone write it down and put it into cyberspace.

I have found another board to talk with people at times.  Another homeschooling board.  Where the women are not judgemental.  You ask an opinion - you get many - and no comments along the lines of:

pray about

read your scriptures more

my child would never do that!

go to the temple more

or my personal favorite:  you are using the wrong homeschool cirruculum - you need to use Thomas Jefferson Education!

Why I choose this classical method I will discuss in a different post.  But needless to say, getting beat down every time you have something to say can wear thin on the soul.

I have made 2 friends from this previous board - that I talk with privately through e-mail.  However, I have noticed that they are the only 2 that miss me - but not from the board itself - they miss me when I don't write to them every few days.

And no, no one has missed me from the LDS board...it seems that like I was in high school - I tend to not be remembered nor recognized as someone important with something to say.

I refuse to be debating or ugly or cause contention.  As women in the world, we should be raising each other up - not tearing each other down.

So, I don't fit in again...and such is my life.