6-23-08

From Death To Life Again.

I thought it wasn’t so bad. It was “just a phase”.

 
“I’ll grow out of it.”

 But that open door led to an open hallway with many other doors. I first went into hatred.

It looked like a nice door.

I walked in and it was dark and had all of bad memories of the times I had been hurt. So I hated those people.

I walked out of hatred and went into rebellion.

It looked like a nice door.

I walked in and there were reminders of when my parents told me what not to do. So I hated them and rebelled against their commands.

After rebellion I walked into orphaned.

 It looked like a nice door.

 I saw all the times when I was forgotten. I hated those people, rebelled against them and felt orphaned because them.

I walked out of orphaned and opened the door unloved.

 It looked like a nice door.

 I saw all of the broken promises made to me, empty words that were spit at me and failing security. So I hated those people, rebelled against them; felt orphaned and unloved.

Then a door caught my attention.

It was a door with no name. I walked closer and closer and it began to open.

I was at the entrance and I looked on the floor, the doormat said, “Welcome to suicide.”

 I didn’t think anything of it; after all, it looked like a nice door.

I walked in and saw the hatred, the rebellion, the orphaned feeling, and the feeling of being unloved.

The door started to creak in closing, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was how my life was so bad, and that I could never live up to my calling… if I had one.

Then someone pushed me down and started yelling awful things to me.

They put a razor in my hand and said, “DO IT! DO IT YOU PIECE OF WORTHLESS LIFE!”

So I was on the brink of slicing my wrist when the door bursts open and all the demons flinch. I heard a familiar voice rebuking and kicking some butt.

He ran to me and held me tight so the demons could not touch. “She is mine!” he yelled and with that the devils fled.

I started to weep, for I knew my sins, and with out him I would have been dead.

He lifted me up and turned my face to him. He said, “Jordan I love you. And I am faithful to my word. You don’t have to turn your face in shame for I have ransomed you from the enemy. All of your sins are forgotten. I will never give you up.”

I fell into his arms feeling so free and so alive. He kissed my forehead and said, “Come with me, my bride.”

He led me out of the hallway and into this big white room.

 He showed me a door with my name on it.

 I walked inside and I saw all of the babies I had held in my arms, all of my drawings and paintings, all of my dances.

The whole room was filled with babies’ laughter, and then he showed me something else. He showed me my family praying at the very moment I was going to end it all.

He said to me, “Jordan, you are a bi-product of their prayers. I told you, I will never give you up.”

 I hugged him tightly and did not let him go. And now I am telling everyone, of his glory and his love.
Jesus Christ died for what I was going to die for. I was about to be a martyr for suicide but now I am a living sacrifice for God.

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