• Creative ... nearly always has a project going on
• Likes to read (like me!)
• Loves the Lord
• Same values as me (biblical)
• Very smart ... I usually feel a lot more confident when I solicit her thoughts
  
• Enjoys being intimate with me and often initiates
  
• Athletic ... likes to downhill ski, cross-country ski, ice-skate, hike, canoe, ride horses, and sometimes gets on a jogging kick
  
• Looks great (to say the least!)
• Invests in exercise and eating right to keep looking great (I like to think this is for my benefit!)
• Not too materialistic ... for example, although every other woman we know has a cell phone, she gave up her cell phone for five years as I started my business and we paid off our home mortgage
  
• Not overly concerned with looking perfect ... for example, doesn't get uptight if her hair gets messed up or if she isn't wearing the latest fashions
• Likes me and enjoys doing things with me
• Similar sense of humor as me
• Willing to stay at home and raise our kids
• Excels at homeschooling our kids
• Fantastic cook ... and keeps expanding her repertoire
• Raising my daughters to be capable, happy, strong women
• More sympathetic than I am when our kids have problems
• Well-read and knowledgeable on a variety of topics
• Prevailing attitude is cheerful, optimistic, and strong
• Willing to make sacrifices for the sake of other people and the gospel
• Lets me snuggle up to her at night ... and always has warm feet (and did I mention that her feet are cute?)
• Still fun to kiss after all these years
• Cheerful eyes
• Wears her hair long, like I like it
• Willing to humor my superficial requests like wearing perfume for special occasions
  
• A great mother ... loving, but not a pushover
• Frugal ... willing to buy second-hand clothes, drive extra miles to grocery shop at Walmart, etc.
• Health conscious ... buys quality, wholesome food and even raises her own
• Wife of my youth ... what a history we have together!
• Not given to fads, whether worldly or "Christian"
• Doesn't do things that I see or hear about other wives doing that seem negative to me, like:
  • Bringing up various men to compare me with
  • Vying to be our kids' favorite parent
  • Bringing up old grievances or calling to mind my past blunders
  • Watching too much TV (even better, she watches none)
    
  • Reading trashy books or magazines
  • Having crushes on celebrity men
  • Partying with girlfriends
  • Smoking, drinking, doing drugs, gambling, or any other addiction
  • Maintaining close relationships with any men besides me
• Lovely voice to listen to when she talks or sings
• Tidy and organized, especially for a mother of four young children
• Lately has been minimizing her time on the computer, and in particular reserving it for when the kids don't need her attention (I know this is difficult, b/c where we live the Internet is the primary way to get info and to shop wisely, but I think it makes a world of difference in our home)
• Willing to do things or change certain things when I ask her, even though she doesn't want to. For example, grocery shopping was a huge weekly ordeal that was getting in the way of my work productivity because I need to mind some of the kids while she is gone for most of the day. She switched to twice-weekly, and even shifted the time of day so less of the workday is affected. It takes humility to respond to such a request, not to mention consideration and self-sacrifice.
• Forgives and forgets. Next to God, she is the one who most knows about the times I've sinned (in other words, been a big jerk). Like God, she forgives me, still loves me, and still has high hopes for me. It's amazing to me that she doesn't keep bringing up some major screw-ups I've done in the past.
• I am by nature a saver, where she is more of a free spirit when it comes to money. While this sometimes causes friction, she never treats me like a tightwad. We discuss things and generally come to a mutual decision. I say "generally" because sometimes the thriftier person (which could be Erin if we're talking about something I want to spend money on) simply has veto power due to the reality that we only have so much money, and so although we both accept the decision it's not exactly mutually decided. Anyway, it would be easy for Erin to manipulate or play a martyr often by rolling her eyes and saying, "You're just a cheapskate" or "Don't bother asking Daddy, b/c he hates spending money." By treating me with respect, she gives me the freedom to carefully think about what's best for the family (which often involves spending more money than feels right, but hey -- I'm a tightwad).
• I mentioned above that Erin is a great cook, but it deserves special mention that she often makes up a new dish or dessert. To me, that makes eating at home continually feel special and as exciting as going to a restaurant.
• It really feels nice when she does something just for me, like paint her toenails or wear her hair a certain way or buy something that she knows I like. Those thoughtful moments bring a feeling akin to when we were dating -- what a thrill that someone so awesome cares about me!
• If we both have errands around town or in another town, she tries to arrange schedules so we can ride together, even if driving separately would be more efficient. How cool is it that she likes to spend time with me?

• Tell me: really likes it when her husband talks to her about his day, etc.
• Listen to me: really likes it when her husband really listens
• Do things for me: really likes it when her husband does the dishes, fixes things around the house, etc.
• Feel me: really likes it when her husband frequently hugs her, holds her hand, squeezes her, etc.

• Regarding intimacy, she is a "feel me" girl. (Forget what I said above about not taking advantage, . At her own suggestion, I plan to dust off my old trick from our early years ... giving her a back massage and then watching her melt in my hands.)
• Regarding filling her love tank (making her feel loved on a day-to-day-basis), she is a mix between a "listen to me" girl and a "do things for me" girl.

1. Withdrawal during an argument. I don't think I do this.
2. Escalating during an argument. I don't think I do this, either.
   
3. Belittling each other during an argument. I don't do this on purpose, but my human inclination to want to feel smart and to be right and to win an argument apparently causes belittling results, because Erin often complains that I treat her like she's stupid. Smalley says this is a very destructive pattern, the worst of the four germs.
   
4. Having exaggerated or false beliefs about your mate during an argument. Smalley says his son (who likewise is a marriage counselor) maintains THIS is the worst of the four germs. An analogy is when you are shopping for a certain type of car, you tend to notice that type of car every where you go ... it's surprising how many cars like that are around! In the same way, when you think your spouse has a certain fault, you tend to think they are acting that way all the time. I am sure this infects marriages more often than just during arguments. 

1. Maintaining a list of the things that make your spouse valuable. Write this up and add to it over time. Look at it during the tough times. Share these points with your spouse often. Gary says this has been scientifically proven to strengthen marriages.
2. Practice LUV ... Listen, Understand, Validate. I found his analogy very helpful, and I think it will help me remember this principle ... when you go to a fast food drive through, they say, "Welcome to McD's; can I take your order (communicates respect/honor)?" Then they repeat your order to make sure they got it right (and they don't comment on whether it's a good order).
3. Spend 20 minutes a day focusing on meeting your spouse's most important need. He says this is scientifically proven, too. As examples, Gary's wife's greatest need is to have an organized home and life; his greatest need is to talk and have fun with people. I found this very challenging, because I don't know my own greatest need, I don't know Erin's greatest need, and I don't know if she knows her greatest need, either. I understand that with many wives, their greatest need is to be assured that their husband loves them and finds them valuable. I definitely love Erin and find her extremely valuable, so it should be a no-brainer to spend 20 minutes a day figuring out how to continually prove this to her. (I guess what makes me nervous here is that the answer will be that to prove this, I will have to do something that I both dislike and don't get much "credit" for, like more home maintenance/improvement/cleaning. Some years ago, I asked Erin what she would change about me if she could, and her answer was that I would lift weights. So ever since, with modest consistency, I have been lifting weights. It seemed to me that very quickly, she viewed my weightlifting as something I want to do with my time ... i.e., a self-centered use of my time that takes away from time that builds our family or earns money. To be sure, it is good for my health, and she often "oohs" over my muscles (which of course is music to my ears), so I'm not complaining. But the point is that I'm trying to express love to her, and it seems to have long stopped serving that purpose. I would love to spend 20 minutes a day really making her feel loved; I do not want to add a 20-minute something to my daily schedule that just becomes an expectation.) All in all, Gary's items 1 and 2 seem like a much easier place to start than #3.
   

Yesterday, while I was sick in bed, the team broke ground on the first house in Casa Hogar, which will be for Luce and her family ... she is the HIV victim whose husband committed suicide. First they had to clear the area of rocks, brush, and trees, all with only a few hand tools.

This morning I went to help with this work, which really is still at the breaking-ground stage, as we dig a trench under the perimeter of the house and of each room. The ground is basically clay, and we basically had to use pick axes to dig down an inch, and then shovel out the clods, and then pick-axe some more, etc. ... until the trench was a foot deep. Very slow, very tiring work, especially in the brilliant sunshine and 100-degree weather. Basically we would work for 10 minutes or so, and then go sit in the shade of the bus for 10 minutes or so to drink a bottle of water.

I was greatly reminded of digging the footer for the front retaining wall at our house in Perrysburg, where I had to use a pickaxe to dig into the gravel-clay combination. As I recall, I spent an entire week of evenings plus a weekend just to dig that trench, which was the hardest and most discouraging part of the whole project.

Anyway, although I was still feeling a little feverish, the work felt fine to me. As a diversion from digging the footer, we collected large rocks and tossed them into the back of a large truck, then emptied the truck near the house site. These rocks will be placed into the trench, and then concrete will be shoveled over top until the trenches are full, so that the footer will be more solid. We also visited with several kids from nearby homes who came to watch.

JJ stayed in bed this morning, and by lunchtime had quite a fever going. However, after an ibuprofen and lunch, he was doing quite well. He came out with us this afternoon to deliver supplies we had brought down with us from Toledo to the Great Commission Church here. We also made one final trip to Le Moen (sp?), to see the progress on the first house we were building. It is pretty much complete! Le Moen is a poor community in the middle of nowhere, where a decade ago the Honduran government dropped off a bunch of refugees who had lost their homes due to Hurricane Mitch. For a while they were left in complete chaos, until Samaritan's Purse came and built livable homes and basic sewage for them.

Tonight we are going to church! 

Not much to report on about yesterday. JJ and I both slept all morning, except by lunchtime JJ was up and impatient for the others to return. He ate lunch and then swam in the pool for a while, and then went out in the afternoon with one of the evangelizing teams. I barely woke up enough to eat a very light lunch (I had only eaten a half banana for breakfast), and then I went back to bed after lunch. However, I could not sleep all afternoon. Instead, I enjoyed several hours of reading the biography of Adinoram Judson, America's first missionary to a foreign country (a very well-written and exciting book) and then listening to podcasts of Dave Ramsey. For the first time in a few days, I actually started feeling hungry late in the afternoon. When everyone else returned, I ate a moderate dinner and then, you guessed, got back in bed.

About an hour before returning, JJ started to feel worse, so he also went right to bed after supper.

Last night was a repeat of the previous night ... waking up every 15-30 minutes due to aches making me uncomfortable ... literally all night from about 7:30pm until 6am finally rolled around. I am not sure how I'll do today since that hardly seems like quality sleep, but we will see.

JJ plans to stay in bed this morning, but I am determined to go out. This is our last day of work, and I am tired of missing everything while staying in my room. I feel slightly better, but I can guess (based on how similar attempts went earlier in the week) that if I exert myself too much or spend too much time in the sun, I will start to feel pretty lousy. So we will see what I am able to do. I also have to be careful not to visit AIDS victims, because I do not want to make them sick.

I have our family photo from Christmas hanging on our mirror in our room. Everytime I look at it, I am amazed at how good looking Erin, Cecily, Danny, and Betsy are (and JJ too, of course). I cannot believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family. And the day after tomorrow, we will be on our way home to them!

We've been planning to see the Daniels and Cosette on Tuesday morning, but I suppose if JJ and I aren't fully over this cold/flu thing, we should not go into their house. If that's the case, we might just head north from the airport rather than going to Toledo ... I hate to bring sickness to Mom and Dad's house too. Erin was nice enough to make me a chiropractor appointment for late Tuesday morning in Toledo, so that's another reason to hope that we're well enough to come to Toledo.

I think Erin and the kids are leaving today for Toledo to see the baby, and they will return tomorrow (just as we will be arriving in Toledo tomorrow!). Chels and Cosette were scheduled to come home yesterday. May the Lord keep them safe on the road!

Like Adelaide in "Guys and Dolls," perhaps the cause of my cold is separation from my sweetheart.

I forget whether it was Tuesday or Wednesday when it began, but I have really been missing Erin and thinking about her all the time. It is hard to be so far away from my life-long partner and not be able to see her beautiful face. I read her post about straightening her hair, and I sure wish I could have been there to see it.

Tuesday night, but JJ and I came down with a stomach sickness, but I waited until the morning to start taking our Cipro. That same night, I developed a chest cold.

It was rather stressful packing for this trip, because I was swamped with work and because I was worried about not packing some necessity. Unlike most travels, you cannot just run to the store when you realize you forgot something. Of course, a cold is the last thing I expected down here, so neither I nor anyone else had anything I could take.

Wednesday morning, I was feeling well enough to go to the worksite, but JJ was vomiting, so he stayed in the room until lunchtime. I felt good all morning, and JJ felt better at lunchtime, so I made him come with us for the afternoon. He continued to get better yesterday, until he had plenty of energy by evening, but right after lunch I started feeling worse.  By evening, my cold had progressed into both a chest and head cold, and with nothing to take, of course it was a very long night. My stomach was not terrible, but my cold was. Finally I fell completely asleep around 4am, but when my alarm went off at 6am my stomach problem developed into naseua and required frequent bathroom trips. So I have let JJ go off today without me, while I stay in the room.

While the last two days have been workdays (yesterday I laid cement block as we built the house for the single mother ... I had seen it done when our porch in PB was built, and it was fairly easy to pick up), today is a rest and tourism day. This morning they are visiting the city dump, where very poor people live and make a living (I assume by picking through garbage for things to sell). In late morning, they will pick up lunch on the way and drive about an hour to San Marcos (?) where there is shopping and horseback riding. They will call before they head in that direction, in case I am feeling better, but I am told that the drive there is windy and no fun if you are sick.

Yesterday afternoon we visited with two women from the church who have HIV from their husbands. The first one was kicked out of her family, and now she lives in a new home and tries to keep the secret that she and two of her three kids have from her neighbors. The church asked her to lead a weekly HIV support group in her home, and that has been going well. Her ex- husband is still alive, and has gotten saved and is involved at the same church, but they are still separated. The second woman likewise was disowned by her family, and when her husband was diagnosed with AIDS, she nursed him back to health for weeks, only to have him commit suicide a few days after returning home from the hospital. She slept with another guy once and got pregnant, and her mother and sister (who did not even want to touch her or her children), did not like the new guy and schemed to separate the two, and so strangely  the sister seduced the guy (even though obviously sleeping with someone who has had sex with an HIV victim is worlds risker than touching infected kids). She is being evicted because the landlord wants to sell a large block of land, so tomorrow we are breaking ground on a house for her too.

I do not know why God has allowed me to have so many health problems this week. My ankle has been quite bad, although thank the Lord not as bad as when I had the same problem two years ago, and my tailbone of course still bothers me, and now these sicknesses. One effect is that I really have not gotten very emotionally connected with most team members nor the people we are helping ...  I am too busy worrying about how to get through the next part of the day with a sore ankle and sickness, and I spend a lot of time in my room. Last night when I could not sleep, I kept thinking about how to apply what I have learned here, regarding how the church can assist with economic development and share the gospel at the same time, to the Mio area. So perhaps that is what God has in mind, learn from this, but other than continuing to donate money to this cause, save my attention for Mio.

JJ has said that although he likes the people on this team, he has not been having as much fun as our trip to New Orleans. I agree ... I think that is because we are doing much more tourist-like activities (by learning all about the problems and ministries) and less physical labor. Also, this group is almost three times as large, so you spend less time with any one person ... and we all have double rooms rather than all the guys bunking together. But JJ says that it is because the extreme poverty and injustice here really bothers him, whereas in New Orleans folks were poor and living in conditions that seem deplorable to us, but American poverty is nothing like third-world poverty.  Of course, it bothers me too, but it does make me hopeful to see what God and the church are doing.

No word on Chelsea's delivery yet. JJ and I of course have been praying all week, and especially yesterday, and we are on pins and needles.

I am avoiding the use of apostrophes in all these posts because it is so hard to find on this spanish keyboard.

Time to go try to sleep some more...

I'll write more later about AIDS, but I only have a few minutes now, and I want to record a few thoughts.

Yesterday morning, our team was split into three groups, and the group to which JJ and I were assigned went to the Malnutrion Clinic. We helped brush kids' teeth, colored pages from a coloring book with them, did exercises with them, and then simply played with them at the playground. I think all of them are from single-mother homes, and of course they really enjoyed the attention from JJ and me. The exercising and playing part quickly became exhausting, as there so many kids who wanted us to pick them up, swing them, etc. It was a milder day, but quite humid, so we were tired and sweaty, and quite ready to break for lunch.

After lunch and siesta (12ish to 2:30ish), the teams switched, and our team went to work on the first house our team is helping build. JJ and I had boring, seemingly useless jobs ... clearing grass from the ground ... but I liked to see the way the church operates here. We certainly could afford to have the house built in a more high-tech fashion, quicker, but instead they are hiring local builders from the community.  So that helps with self-esteem and economic issues, even if it takes longer for the house to be ready for the woman. While our team is here, the builders are supervising us as we do the work. Of course they could probably work faster without us, but it is good experience for us, and it helps we gringos in our testimonies to people in the neighborhood who don't yet know Jesus.

After working there til about four, the pastor (named Giovanni) took us to meet a woman the church has been helping. She is about 60-70 years old, and has two sons ... one of whom is 38 and was born with severe deformities (perhaps resulting from a beating she received while pregnant) and perhaps brain damage ... hard to tell his level of mental capacity since he can't talk or make much use of his hands and arms. When the church found her, she had to lock up her son in the house all day while she tried to sell food she had made. The local church arranged for a micro-loan to her (perhaps about $200) so she could buy a refrigerator to store food stuffs, plus materials so the church could build a window and table/seating so she can serve customers from her son's bedroom. So now she cooks and sells food without needing to leave her son. She slowly pays back the loan. I love this concept ... rather than just giving her money, they helped set her up in a more productive business, so she can enjoy an independent life. She was so hospitable to us and so happy. We bought some food from her and really enjoyed it ... sort of like greasy soft tacos filled with beef and shredded cabbage. Our interpreter did not want any of the food, because he was afraid of getting sick from it ... I just hoped we didn't later regret it!

That evening in the pool, I started feeling an upset stomach. I had a little more to eat, but didn't feel any better. Since no one else was sick, and since I wasn't naseauted or having diarreaha, I just stayed in bed reading until I fell asleep, and hoped I'd feel better in the morning. JJ played Uno with the interpreters and others on our team, until I told him to turn in about 9:30, and he complained of feeling sick in the head. I decided to do nothing then, and just see how we both felt in the morning.

jj and i have our own room with an excellent AC, and we each have our own
bed. much better than sharing the room with a stranger, because you don{t
have to worry about walking around the room naked if you need to.

lee powell, senior pastor at cedar from cedar creek was here with a
different team last week ... he wrote a blog entry with some photos,
including people we got to see yesterday. the people he mentions from new
orleans are the leaders at the church that jj and i helped in october
2006: http://www.cedarcreek.tv/PastorBlogs/tabid/56/EntryID/247/Default.aspx

when lee talks about surprising the mother that the church is giving her a
plot of land and will build her a house ... we met the mother yesterday
... we are the team that is building her a house ... local church guys
poured the foundation yesterday, and we will finish the (very) little
house today and tomorrow. she has been evicted from her old house due to
inability to pay rent. she has been in the church for a long time and is a
sweet lady. I was concerned that making it too easy for single moms could
create a welfare class like in the US, but I learned yesterday that they
only help those mothers that they know very well, and who were already
working (long hours). So they give them a job where they can work
half-days and be with their kids more, and while they are working the
church cares for and teaches their kids, whereas previously the kids were
left unattended at home, where they were frequently the victims of rape,
abuse, and malnutrition.

honduras has a huge problem in regards to pre-marital, sex, infidelity,
and couples not staying together. Nearly 50% of all children are born to
single mothers. Although a small country, 70% of all cases of HIV/AIDS in
South America are found here ... sounds like a big contributor to this is
the fact that it has three borders, and whereever there are borders, there
are prostitutes spreading aids to truckers who bring it back to wives and
girlfriends.

the problem is further exacerbated by the terrible stigma attached to
aids, like we had in the us back in the 80s. it is like leprosy ... if
found that you have it, you will be disowned by your parents, spouse, etc
and kicked out onto the street. so when someone finds out they have it,
they keep it a secret even if it results in passing it on to their spouse
and never letting them have the opportunity to be treated.

so the local church here has several initiatives going, and several more
on the way ... they are gearing up for major education to help people understand how HIV is spread, encourage abstinence before marriage and fidelty after marrigage ... in the
face of the government's safe-sex and condom-distribution program which
apparently even the UN is admitting has failed to stop the increasing rate
of AIDS ... i'll tell more about this later, but i just realized that i'm
late for breakfast.

(later) On a more localized level, the church is building up already broken families in order to provide the mercy of Christ and to stop the cycle from continuing to the next generation. The malnutrion clinic and educational day care are provided for carefully screened families, where the mother was already working hard, and the children are not only kept healthy and safe from abuse, they are taught the Word of God, basic hygiene, reading, etc. The mothers are given jobs at the non-profit tortilla micro-factory, and fathers are given jobs at the non-profit bread micro-factory or selling the tortillas and bread or building homes ... or the mother or father is given assistance with establishing a home-based business ... that pays them a wage allowing them to spend more time with their families. These jobs appear to be truly self-sustaining, not just hand-outs. As these families continue at the church, they learn God's design for the family. At the center of everything the church teaches is Christ ... because He is everything. The church is very passionate about seeing people born again ... you never saw people so focused, and so excited about serving the Lord. 

We arrived in Choluteca, Honduras last night. It was a two-hour flight (plus an 1-1/2 hour delay) from cold, icy Detroit to Miami. Then we barely caught our connection (after fervent prayer) for the two-hour flight to Tegucigalpa, the capital city of Honduras. It took us about 1-1/2 hour to get through immigration and customs, and boy were we hungry (only one bag of pretzels total for the two plane rides, although I also ate half a protein bar)! Bill Trout from CedarCreek, plus a local church leader named Levi and a professional bus driver also from the local church named Luis, picked us up and took us to lunch at a fast-food place similar to KFC, except more colorful and interesting. The food tasted just like KFC. We enjoyed cokes with lunch, but without ice because gringos can only handle filtered water/ice, or else we will get Montezuma's Revenge (a nasty bacterial flu that lasts two weeks if not treated with an antibiotic like Cipro). 

Today we are playing tourists, seeing the different community projects that the local church here is doing with the help of money from some American churches. Very hands on, getting involved in lives one family at a time, helping with employment (literally starting businesses to provide jobs that pay four times the going rate) and education and child care and providing/teaching proper nutrition and
hygiene. This afternoon we will see the orphanage and learn everything about AIDS in this region. Tomorrow we start working ... with our first two days spent building a house for a mother and her children that have been members of the church for a while. She has been evicted from her current house ... I can't remember why, but I think maybe she had trouble meeting the rent.

It is hot, hot, hot, but fortunately there is a pool to look forward to this evening, and best of all our bedroom is nicely air-conditioned. The hotel probably like most of the motels in Mio, but it is luxury compared to anything else down here.

JJ seems to be enjoying himself. One of the ladies (Ann)  has a digital camcorder and a digital camera, and she has been very glad to have JJ do all the camcorder filming for her so she can focus on photos ... and of course he is loving that. I am trying not to limp too much or sweat too much, but I am learning a lot and enjoying the people we are with.

Several members of our team brought cameras, and JJ and I picked some of our favorite photos and wrote captions … I welcome you to view them here: http://www.laheyfamily.us/neworleans/

The work we did, plus the 42 hours of driving round-trip (JJ and I drove 4 hours south to Perrysburg, and then our church group drove 17 hours in a rental van to New Orleans), added up to an exhausting, wonderful trip.

We couldn’t have asked for a better group from our church … we were a team of nine that had a blast working and laughing together. They didn’t mind me bringing an 11-year old along, and in fact they all clearly enjoyed him (and he fell in love with each one of them). And I was really proud that JJ worked like a grown-up all week!

The local church in New Orleans who coordinated our trip (as they have for nearly 80 other teams since Katrina hit) did a great job … we were so impressed with the role they play in the community. In addition to running two churches (one in a middle- to upper-class area, and one in a low-income area) and a year-long residential substance abuse program, they were one of the first local organizations to help people affected by Katrina … and one of the few remaining ones still at work in the areas that have a lot of rebuilding yet to do.

Our work involved gutting the house of a senior citizen. Joe had hurricane insurance that will provide money toward repairing his roof and siding, but no flood insurance. We emptied his house and tore everything out except the wall studs, ceiling, floor, and siding, and then we sprayed everything with mold-killer. Even though Joe recently had part of a foot amputated as the result of a diabetes-complication, we were excited that he came back from his temporary housing in Houston and worked alongside us. The house is now ready for him to hire a contractor to rebuild (my understanding is that some government funding is available, but only after he had the house gutted).

One of the great things about the week was the excitement that our work seemed to generate in Joe’s neighborhood. We got to know many neighbors who were grateful that people were taking the time to help rebuild their neighborhood. I think many of these neighbors saw this as a practical expression of God’s love to them.

I was amazed at how much it felt like a terrific vacation … except that we were so tired that we didn’t dread it ending. JJ and I both felt that our perspectives about life and people were positively influenced by this experience.

My oldest son JJ (11) and I returned a few days ago from a long, exhausting, wonderful trip.

Starting at 7am on Saturday, October 21, we first drove four hours south to our home in Perrysburg, where we packed additional items we would need for our trip. I was just finishing up the last week of my firm's "busy season," and I literally worked through the night to get my work caught up and get packed for the trip. Erin was nervous that I was too tired to drive, but I was full of nervous energy and told her not to worry. After 15 minutes of driving in the darkness, though, I was very sleepy and was getting nervous myself. JJ was too tired to be useful company, and the black decaf I was drinking was powerless. I stopped a couple of times and got out of the car to wake myself up. We started to wake up a little more after eating the healthy breakfast we'd packed, but it still seemed like we would never reach Perrysburg in time. Finally, after an hour we stopped for gas ... and more importantly, for peanut M&Ms, a couple of donuts, and one of those cappucinos that's loaded with sugar. Between that and the sun coming out, that did the trick - we were now wide awake and WIRED for the trip. JJ started reading aloud to me from White Fang, and we were so engrossed in that that we missed one of our exits. The rest of the four-hour drive was so enjoyable that we were almost sad when we arrived.

We were a little behind schedule, so we raced around like crazy getting packed, and then went to the bank plus four stores to make sure we had everything we needed. And we arrived at the church only 15 minutes late, and it wasn't even so late that people were getting concerned.

Our church is really cool - it does a great job of reaching out to unchurched people, sharing the Gospel with them and then helping them become fully devoted followers of Christ. It's one of the things that makes us hesitant about moving so far away. Since we haven't permanently moved, we've stayed connected with that church, and for a long time we've been looking forward to an opportunity to go on one of their short-term missions trips.

While I've had the desire to go on a trip since 2004, I felt God didn't want me to until I could take at least one other member of the family with me. This year, JJ was old enough and had proven himself enough in various volunteering activities around the church that the trip leader agreed that he could go on an in-country trip (as opposed to a trip outside the U.S.). So we were very excited for this opportunity to go to New Orleans and help people rebuild their homes that had been devasted by the flooding caused by Hurricane Katrina.

(Rest of this entry was lost because I waited too long between "saves," so I'll have to re-write it some other time. Argh!)

Not long after my last post, we took a vacation just shy of a week long ... a simple vacation to a state park campground about 5 hours north. As usual, it took a few days of vacation for my head to clear from the busy-ness of life (and especially my occupation).

Although I hadn't previously put our family vision on paper, it's a shared vision that Erin and I have discussed and developed for several years. And on this vacation, we reflected on the changes we've made in our life to achieve that vision, and on what still needed to change.

When our first child was born in 1995, we decided that Erin would stay home to raise our family. When JJ was 3 or 4, we began homeschooling at a small level, easing into it more when he truly hit school-age. In early 2002, I asked for a demotion at work to a non-management role in the hopes that I would be able to work fewer hours and eliminate the endless preoccupation that my mind seemed to have with work issues. By early 2003, it was clear that I wasn't working fewer hours, so when my firm offered to make me partner, we decided that I would accept in the hopes that 1) I would be able to lean more on staff, and 2) I would make enough money to quickly pay off our mortage. Not sure what we were thinking in early 2003, 'cause by late that year it was clear that neither of those objectives would be met.  

In early 2004, we decided that I would leave that company and start a small firm working for myself ... in many ways, this has provided the flexibility to help us achieve our vision to a greater level than ever before. Self-employment has provided the ability to bring a kid or two to my office quite frequently, letting them be with me while they do their schoolwork, letting them get an idea of what I do for a living, and letting them start learning the same skills. It's also meant less stress, as I can work according to my own schedule and also not worry about office politics.

By late 2004, business was booming and has never slackened since. In fact, much of the time I've actually had more business than I want -- that's OK for a while, but eventually it takes the fun out of work and means less quality time with the family. In mid-2005, we began wondering if God was pushing us to make another change in line with our family vision ... moving to a more remote area.

I've wanted to live in a more remote area since long before we were married. In my younger days I had opportunities to live for short periods in Oregon, Wyoming, and Alaska, and I thought it would be great to live somewhere like that permanently. Once we started having kids, though, we realized how nice it was to be closer to our folks.

But we began praying and researching this idea. We figured it would force my business to slow down a bit, as clients would no longer have the luxury of frequent meetings with me. We figured it would force US to slow down a bit -- for example, living out in the woods somewhere would necessitate running errands only once or twice a week, rather than running out of the house multiple times a day like we'd been doing in suburbia. We decided to look at areas that were 4-5 hours away from our current home ... not as exotic as Oregon, Wyoming, and Alaska ... but still remote while being not terribly far from our folks. We took a two-week vacation exploring possible areas, and settled on the general vicinity of Gaylord, Michigan ... almost as far north as you can go in the lower peninsula of Michigican. It's right at the 45th parallel, half-way between the equator and the North Pole, so theoretically it's a place to truly experience all four seasons.

The next big hurdle was our house -- it still had some unfinished areas that would make it hard to sell. Still, by October we felt that God was really asking us to put it on the market, so we put a FSBO sign up and started working like crazy to finish the work. We finished in early January 2006, and man, we liked it so much we were sorry to think about leaving. But we decided to stay faithful to what we heard God telling us to do, so we increased our FSBO efforts and even interviewed realtors (though never felt led to actually sign with a realtor). And nobody made any offers on the house for months.

Which brings me back to the vacation we took in July 2006. We prayed and decided that God wanted us to proceed with another step. Erin investigated rental homes around Gaylord, and we picked one that seemed like a good fit, including a small office for me. And so as of October 1, we are here with a six-month lease on a rental home. Because we still have our house back in Perrysburg, which is not yet paid off, our living expenses will be higher, but it's only for six months. This is a good opportunity to see if we like it here, and whether the move really does bring us closer to our vision.

The kids are excited, because although there will be homeschooling and work to do, it feels like a six-month vacation to them. Also, although they've never read our written vision or even comprehend the meaning of the word "vision," they know this move is a step closer to our dreams for our family life. And Erin and I are excited, especially as we've moved in and realize that -- even though Erin picked the rental house in somewhat of a hurry -- it is wonderfully suited for our family and is in a gorgeous location. More on that another time.

Woke up in the middle of the night tonight. My beautiful wife woke also when she realized I was awake; we visited a while, but she eventually fell back asleep while I lay awake thinking about work, the kids, the leftover cake in the fridge, the talk I need to prepare for next week's rescue mission visits...

I read for a while, which usually does the trick in putting me to sleep. A few chapters of the latest biography on Dr. Dobson called Family Man, a chapter of Purpose Driven Life (which I'm re-reading again), and a book from the library called Tender Warrior by Stu Weber (1993 version, not the updated one from 1999). By then a few hours had gone by, so I gave up and decided to get some work done. However, some things I read have inspired me to write.

Not sure I'll like Tender Warrior, but the first two chapters are good. The chapter about being the family's "pro-visionary" reminds me a lot of what Michael Pearl has written in his series of articles called "Jumping Ship." Weber says that we often think of the father's "provision" role in terms of providing food and shelter for the house, but that the father also needs to cast a vision for the family; and Pearl says that unless the family has an exciting vision or purpose, the kids will "jump ship" as they get older.

I have a vision for our family ... a shared vision that Erin and I have gradually developed ... but I suppose I have not put it into words for everyone else. In fact, I suppose if I try to put it into words, I will find that it's not a fully developed vision. Let me try...

(I just spent a few minutes looking for something Erin and I wrote last September while on vacation, which I recall was a five-year vision statement about raising our kids, but I couldn't put my hands on it.)

My four kids (ages 3-11) have heard us say many times that our primary purpose is to glorify God and to be a blessing to other people, especially by showing them God's love.

To that end, our vision is that five years from now:

• All of us will passionately love the Lord and walk in His truth, knowing the Bible well and taking delight in God's works,
• All of us will continue to love learning,
• JJ and Jesse (and perhaps others) will have taken a few domestic and international short-term missions trips as we explore whether God will call us to the missions field someday,
• JJ and Danny will spend most of each day with Jesse, enjoying work, schooling, service, and play as appropriate for their ages (ditto for Cecily and Betsy with Erin),
• Each of us will participate in at least one ministry, one hobby, and one business activity that we find fun and exciting,
• Our sincere joy in God, our lives, our marriage, and our family will be an inviting light to others, and we will share the gospel with those who are drawn to us,
• The boys will be well underway to being financially independent, confident, self-displined, compassionate, fun men with a vision for their future families (if that's God's will for them), including how they will make a living without hindering their role as husband and father,
• The girls will be well underway to being financially independent, confident, self-displined, compassionate, fun women who are well-prepared to help their future husbands (if marriage is God's will for them), including being a capable home manager and exceptional homeschool teacher, and
• Our marriage will provide a happy example for our children as they think about the possibility of becoming a husband or wife in their future.

Having written this, after having written vision or purpose statements in the past, I like the fact that I don't have a book by Stephen Covey, Rick Warren, etc. in front of me. It's so hard to create a vision that really fits me after having just read examples that they provide.

Today during church, I had an interesting thought. I’ve been a little concerned and in a way sad that if Erin and I stay the course on not getting our children involved in kids/youth activities, they will miss out on what was for me a very important, almost magical part of growing up … that time in my sophomore through senior years of high school where things suddenly/finally clicked for me, where I found a sense of belonging among people (primarily the other kids my age) who genuinely liked me for who I was. What will life be like for my kids if they don’t get to have that sort of experience until they’re adults?

Today I think I had a realization or even revelation. Like other aspects of life that we realize are the responsibility of parents/family (e.g., schooling), providing the sense of fun, belonging, acceptance, appreciation, affirmation, challenge, excitement, and (via some sort of community outside the family) potential for future mates is also our responsibility.

My parents were excellent, but I certainly did not receive attention, affirmation, and excitement through my home life during the ages of 9 – 16ish. Sometime around 18, my dad and I began to relate to each other as adult friends, and my family truly did become a place of belonging for me (as I think it was when I was 8 and younger). My mother was overly critical, overly religious, and didn’t have a vision for my high potential. My dad was focused on work, sports, and the news; he was more interested in my younger brother and sister than I, and he had a biting sense of humor that tended to hurt my self-esteem, which was tender due to my age. Therefore, of course I needed something outside of my family to provide this sense of belonging … thank the Lord it came from a healthy source that eventually directed me toward a relationship with Him.

But with God’s help, Erin and I will create that environment for our children, so we/they won’t need external resources like youth groups, which have the very real potential of harming our kids more than helping them (too early introduction to dating and possibility of premarital sex, crushes becoming a part of everyday life, possible sexual abuse/involvement with youth leaders, potential false teaching by youth leaders, general pulling away from family life).

To create this will require much focus and effort, especially as the kids get older. We increasingly need to make it a priority to involve the kids in play, work, service … possibly shifting as they grow older to sports, mission trips, businesses, etc.

Lord, please give us the energy, vision, inspiration for all of this. Erin and I both tend to be introverted, and I think even doing things with our kids can sap our energy. Please help us continue to build an exciting life of purpose for our children, especially over the next decade. Everything is possible for you, Lord. Please work through us to bring glory to you and to lead our children to a lifetime of joy and eternal salvation.