May. 26, 2009 - Random Rambles
Hello everyone!
How is everyone doing? Excited to finish school?
I am really bummed because I am really behind on biology and I am afraid that I won't even get it done during the summer!!!! Just pray that I can be diligent on that!
Speaking of school, I have been going through the Civil War in history. This study has been very eye opening for me because I have been able to study both sides of the war, North and South. When I was little I thought that the North was the "good guys" and the South were the "bad guys" but now that I have studied it a little bit, I have a different view of the war. I have realized that both sides had a good and bad side to the situation. The South had slaves and the North had horrible factory conditions. Also the Civil War didn't start out as a war to free the slaves. It started out as a war to bring the South back into the Union because they had seceded. But then Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves only because it would help the war effort. There were also great leaders on both sides, Robert E. Lee and Abraham Lincoln, Stonewall Jackson and George McClellan. The Civil War is a wonderful time period to research and to look into objectively, not really taking a side but learning from the leaders and the events they have left behind for us to learn about.
Ashely still hasn't had her chicks. It will be three weeks tomorrow but there is still no sign of their cute little bodies.
Camp is three weeks from today!!! I am so excited!!! I will try to take pictures but I am horrible at that.....so be prepared for anything! Could you pray that I would be a good testimony and an encouragement this summer as I am there?
I got this really cool e-mail today that told a story about a boy who had an assignment to write about what heaven is like. Then after he wrote it and said it was the best he had written but then he died after a car wreck not a long time after. I thought the story he wrote was really moving even though I am sure many of you might have read it before I wanted to share it.
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with
small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list
titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which
stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction,
had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first
to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it
and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to
realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without
being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my
life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in
a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity,
coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files
and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a
sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to
see if anyone was watching.
A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.'
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have
Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed
at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled
at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My
Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents..' I never
ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected.. Sometimes fewer than
I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these
thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth.
Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized
the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly,
and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I
shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast
time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run
through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test
its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.
I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost
animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must
ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy
them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter
now. I had to empty it and burn the cards.... But as I took it at one
end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single
card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as
strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless,
I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall,
I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel
With.' The handle was brighter than those around it, seemed newer,
almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than
three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it
contained on one hand.
And then the tears came.. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and
cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.
The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must
ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But
then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly
as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to
watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at
His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.
He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read
every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He
looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't
anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and I
began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He
could have said so many things.. But He didn't say a word. He just cried
with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end
of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name
over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I
could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His
name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so
rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was
written with His blood. He gently took the card back.. He smiled a sad
smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand
how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard
Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood
up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door.
There were still cards to be written.
'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. '-Phil. 4:13
'For God so loved the world that He gaveHis only son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' John 3:16
If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their
lives also... My 'People I shared the gospel with'
file just got bigger, how about yours?
Thanks for reading!!
Have a wonderful Tuesday!!
~Jess
Comments
May. 26, 2009 - <em>Untitled Comment</em>
Posted by MBF
ooo....that is how I think it is going to be with math for me...I'll be doing it into the summer! :-/ I am not looking forward to that...I have been trying to catch up, but I am way behind. :-/
I will pray that you will be a good testimony at camp! :-)
I have heard that story before...it is really good! :-) (But actually, Josh Harris wrote it!!)
Have a great evening!
-Marybeth
Edited by MBF on May. 26, 2009 at 8:51 PM
