May. 13, 2006
Mother's Month
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*Wellspring postings will continue after May 28th. I officially declared the rest of May Mother's Month to myself this week. Not as time when others need to give to me, but when I need to make room to give to myself. Every year, official school lessons begin the first week of August. When the weather breaks and begins to warm up I find it pointless to teach phonics and stay on a schedule. Hence, our summer is always May, June and July instead. I feel the internal weariness accutely this time of year as well. Mothers fall so easily into the place of what must happen, what the children need, followed by carrying burdens day in and day out that slowly chip away our joy. This season, mine's included the weight of sibling squabbling. The burden's been like a snowball rolling downhill, moving faster and growing larger with each rotation. I, of course, am responsible. I tell myself I am the one judged by the neighbors when the anger erupts in the backyard. I, who don't want to spend my free time reading books on sibling rivalry, am a negligent parent. I, who educate at home, am torturing them because they are together all the time. On and on the mental trips go. However, this week, I felt the focus shift. It's not time to think about them all the time. I'm too tired. This is going to be Mother's Month. Yes, I will nurture. Yes, I will provide. But more importantly, I sit alone on the back deck to eat. I meander through the garden whenever I feel like it. I read novels. I ask them to clean up the dishes more. I stay out of the kitchen on Sundays. Whenever I make choices and feel my heart physically relax, I ignore the shouldas, wouldas, couldas and go with it. And I pray the sense of rest and rejuvenation will come back. Tomorrow we leave for two weeks at the beach. I'm still fighting the feeling my work will not go away, just be in a different location. But since I decided it's Mother's Month, as my dear friend reminded me a couple of days ago, it's my vacation, too. I will not pack the guilt or drivenness that so often haunts me. On that note, The Wellspring is now officially on vacation. Posts will resume after Memorial Day. Hope you continue to tune in. And if you're a mother, especially if you spend the majority of time with your children, ask how you can declare May Mother's Month. |
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Jun. 5, 2006 - Mother's Month
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