Apr. 18, 2007 - Anger Management
I was noticing something about myself when I'm upset at the kids. My "anger" is not always balanced to the infraction. For instance, a child is not sitting in their chair properly and it causes their drink to spill. I may give some reprimand and have them clean up the spill.
But now let's give the same scenario a slight change. The child is not sitting in their chair properly and it causes their drink to spill, only this time "The Old Schoolhouse" magazine that just arrived in the mail was on the table and it just got wet and possibly ruined. Now I'm very, VERY, VERY upset and the punishment to the child is more severe, if nothing else, at least by my very heightened tone of voice!
I've been thinking that I'm in error on this. I've sometimes allowed my emotion to affect the punishment. The level of irresponsibility on the part of the child was no different in either scenario. So why should the punishment or consequence be any different? After all, it was my own fault that my magazine got ruined. We do have a house rule that food items and toys, books, etc. do not coexist on the table!!!
But then again, don't my children need to know that an action has a consequence but that same exact action may at times have a more severe consequence? That their actions can affect other people differently than it affects themselves? Do I need to teach this? Do they just learn this on their own? I'm beginning to think that they do need to learn this somehow but not by me letting my emotions rule or spill into discipline. I think that maybe allowing our emotions to rule unchecked (especially anger) is what can eventually lead to abuse (physical or emotional).
I'm trying to be alert to keeping my emotions in check as well as making sure the punishment fits the crime. Does this make sense? To all you seasoned mothers out there, am I on the right track? Let me know if I'm missing something in this picture.
Oh dear! I just realized that you all may be having heart attacks out there! Don't worry! It wasn't "The Old Schoolhouse" magazine that got ruined! Whew!! It was my husband's "The Family Handyman" magazine. Although, that magazine may be more important than "The Old Schoolhouse"! Hee Hee!
And, by the way, I have not yet received my spring issue of "The Old Schoolhouse". It seems I should have it by now, after all, it IS spring! Have you received yours if you subscribe?
Comments
Apr. 18, 2007 - Anger
Posted by Kinley
Oh boy can I relate. I makes me feel so bad when I hear MY voice coming out of my kids when THEY are angry. If only I could turn back the clock and do some things over again.
Kristy
Apr. 18, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by 2peter318
I don't consider myself a seasoned mother, 10 & 11 yos, but I think you are on the right track, especially about unchecked anger. I know right now the Lord is showing me how I'm trying to teach my son to control his anger, but do I control mine? Oh, so hard to learn.
JoAnn
Apr. 18, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Tracy
I love your post jill, so often I am dealing with myself on so much you are writing about. Argh!!!, I am always letting my exasperation get in the way of discipline. I'm a seasoned Mother and feel like I have been saying the same things over and over for a lot of years, so this can be a struggle also, keeping yourself fresh. My tone lets me down continually, but one thing i have mastered with my parenting if they spill something or break something. My thoughts on these sort of things is accidents happen all the time, unless they are being really careless they never look at something and think I'm going to spill that drink all over the magazine or such and such. When this happens I say to myself over an over again as I'm cleaning it up, it doesn't matter how angry I get that drink or whatever is not get back up and jump in the glass, so I try to be very gracious. I only have another 1000 incidents where I am not as gracious.
Tracy
Apr. 18, 2007 - Thank you!
Posted by alizona
Thank you so much for your comments on my blog! They were so fun to read. And about the batteries -- they ARE rechargeable! That is what is so frustrating! :o) They are just old.
I love the pictures of Chloe reading. My sister Amy is like that but she doesn't read quite as much! :o)
I'm glad you've enjoyed my blog. Come back anytime.I LOVE the comments!!
Apr. 19, 2007 - We are all human...
Posted by 4evrHischild
Children need to know that even mom and dad are just sinful human beings that sometimes lose it. Does that justify our losing it ~ no, but when our anger takes over and acts in an unGodly manner, it is our responsibility, after we've cooled down, to go to our children and seek out their forgiveness and explain that our actions were not Godly and that though we were upset that something got ruined, that could have been avoided, we shouldn't have reacted the way we did. I've been there ~ sometimes it's just because we are overtired that we don't act in accordance with God's word. Sometimes it's because we are not making our quiet time with God a priority ~ whatever the reason the Bible does say "Be ye angry and sin not." Obviously that won't be possible in our own strength but we can grow towards it more and more each day as we seek God's strength.
Apr. 20, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by PlainJane
I always have to be on guard that I have an equal reaction to mishaps for each daughter. I tend to be more forgiving of oldest dd as she almost never gets into trouble and is so sensative and hard on herself if I just give her "the look", whereas I am sometimes harder on our second daughter who always seems to be having mishaps. I always need to stop and think for a moment before I speak/react.
You did have me going for a minute there, wondering when my Spring TOH is arriving. lol
May. 5, 2007 - I confess
Posted by Stephanie10
I got pretty upset with my fourth daughter when she peed all over the most recent Explore! magazine. (This was years ago.) She was about five years old and we had just gotten the mag in the mail that very day. She was pushing her bladder beyond its limits, but danced about, wanting to locate some reading material before mounting the throne. She snagged the magazine and made it to the bathroom, but that was as far as she got. The magazine ended up in the middle of this absolute lake of urine, completely soaked and very unreadable. I wrote to the publisher, requesting a second copy, but never received a response. (sigh) Those were good magazines.
