Oct. 17, 2008 - To Raise a Boy

I just finished reading That's My Son by Rick Johnson.   The subtitle is "How Mom's Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character".  Just the book for me, being a mom of 3 girls and 1 boy!  It's too easy for me to treat the boy the same as the girls - majority rules! 

My husband has been a great source for steering me in the right direction.  But when I stumbled upon this book by Johnson, I was excited to dig in!   Here are some things I learned that boys need in order to grow into men of character:

1) Don't protect him from risking failure.

2) Mistakes are ok. Help him learn from them.

3) As much as possible, don't say "you might get hurt".

4) Don't smother him with love.

5) Teach him to do things he doesn't want to do when he doesn't want to do it.

6) No quitting!!!

7) Don't solve all his problems for him. Allow him to figure it most out for himself.

8) Explanations should be brief and to the point.

9) Expect him to see every task through to completion.

This is just a sampling of the ideas contained in the book.  These are the ones that stuck out to me the most on my first reading.

****

Just tonight, while I was preparing dinner, I was listening to my 5 yr old boy describe to his 2 yr old sister, how to make dinner. He was saying, "You stir the carrots. Then you lift the steamer - just like how mommy did.  You have to do it exactly the same way as mama!".

Do you think he will be saying those same words 25 years from now to his new dear sweetheart?  Wonderful as that may be to my ears, I don't think that would be good! 

• 5 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

Apr. 16, 2008 - Can You Hear Me Now?

The other day, I realized that my children have a problem with me that they don't even realize they have!  They have to say things to me a minimum of two times before I "hear" them and make a response. They don't complain about it.  They've never said anything about it. 

I'm not sure why I started to notice it or even why I haven't noticed it sooner.  How terrible!  We expect first time obedience from our kids and we expect them to answer us when we ask them a question.  So, what kind of behavior am I modeling?!  And not only that, am I modeling love when I don't stop to listen?  I mean really listen?!

Certainly there are legitimate excuses for why I didn't hear them the first time they spoke to me.  They have their own faults - mumbling, yelling from a distance, interrupting, etc.  These are all things they need to work on if they want to be heard by me the first time they ask or say something.  But as for me, I'm not a successful multi-tasker so it may take a little extra talking to break me out of the concentration of my current "task". But I am also aware that a lot of times I just simply have the kids "tuned out" while lost in my own world of thoughts. 

There are other times that I do hear them and make a response.  But I am guilty of not being an active listener.  My response communicates to them that I didn't really hear them or it is a quick brush-off to satisfy them so they will "be on their way". 

I want my children to know that what they have to say and the questions they have to ask are as important as what I have to say.  It's one of the ways I will let them know I love them. I resolve to be more alert to my kids and an active listener.  I am going to attempt to train myself to hear my kids - really hear and listen!  I don't think this is going to be easy!  I'll let you know.

• 5 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

May. 29, 2007 - My Daughter Was Hit By A Car

Yesterday evening, one of my worst nightmares came true. 

My husband and 6 yr old Chloe went for a bike ride.  They had already been gone for quite some time so I expected them back very soon.

I was feeding Macy (1 yr old) when I heard some screaming and then a thud.  The sounds came from a main intersection which our house is fairly close to.  Upon hearing the sounds, I immediately thought that it was Jim and Chloe, and they'd been hit by a car.  I ran out to the backyard but can't see the intersection because of some trees. I listened for any more sounds to help me determine what had happened but heard nothing more.  I went back to feeding Macy but had this still strong feeling that maybe Jim and Chloe were hit. I ran back outside to listen and try to see again. 

I considered running between the couple houses to get to the road in order to see what happened, but felt it was too far for me to go without the other 3 kids.  I instead ran to the front yard hoping I would see Jim and Chloe coming up the driveway.  But no.

While I went back inside to continue feeding Macy, I was feeling so overcome with dread.  I had no reason to feel this way. After all, Jim rarely bikes or walks on the sidewalks on the main road.  We almost always stay within the neighborhood. We're in the middle of 2 square miles completely residential.

Then there was a knock on the door. I ran to the door now knowing with most certainty that what I was suspecting was true.  There at the door stood a friend I hadn't seen in many years. She told me that Jim and Chloe had been in an accident but that they were both ok. (My friend was stopped at the light and had witnessed the accident.)

My friend took the 3 other kids to the neighbors while I ran to the corner.  The emergency crews had just arrived. I could barely breathe as I approached.

God has allowed us to keep Chloe longer. And not only that, but injury free! All praise to God!

Chloe and I go out just the 2 of us once a month.  Together we are going through the book "Growing Little Women" (for younger girls edition) by Donna J. Miller and Christine Yount. Just a few days ago we had one such "date". We talked about Psalm 91.  Verse 11 says the Lord will charge his angels to watch over all your ways.

After the accident, I told Chloe that as I was running to the corner, I had remembered that verse. Chloe's eyes lit up as she exclaimed, "I told daddy the same verse at the accident!"  Jim confirmed it to be true.

So....apparantly what happened is that while Jim and Chloe were crossing the  road at this very busy, 5 lane intersection, one of the cars continued to make a turn without yielding (or even looking) to pedestrians in the crosswalk. The driver knocked Chloe off her bike over.

The screaming I heard was Jim screaming at the driver to stop.  The thud I heard was Jim leaping at the car and banging his fist on the hood in an attempt to stop the driver.  There has got to be a good sized dent in her car based on the thud I heard.  It sounded so much more than that!

All praise to God for the protection of his angels in our lives yesterday! (Psalm 91:11)

• 17 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

Apr. 18, 2007 - Anger Management

I was noticing something about myself when I'm upset at the kids.  My "anger" is not always balanced to the infraction.  For instance, a child is not sitting in their chair properly and it causes their drink to spill.  I may give some reprimand and have them clean up the spill. 

But now let's give the same scenario a slight change.  The child is not sitting in their chair properly and it causes their drink to spill, only this time "The Old Schoolhouse" magazine that just arrived in the mail was on the table and it just got wet and possibly ruined.  Now I'm very, VERY, VERY upset and the punishment to the child is more severe, if nothing else, at least by my very heightened tone of voice!

I've been thinking that I'm in error on this.  I've sometimes allowed my emotion to affect the punishment.  The level of irresponsibility on the part of the child was no different in either scenario.  So why should the punishment or consequence be any different?  After all, it was my own fault that my magazine got ruined.  We do have a house rule that food items and toys, books, etc. do not coexist on the table!!! 

But then again, don't my children need to know that an action has a consequence but that same exact action may at times have a more severe consequence?  That their actions can affect other people differently than it affects themselves?  Do I need to teach this?  Do they just learn this on their own?  I'm beginning to think that they do need to learn this somehow but not by me letting my emotions rule or spill into discipline.  I think that maybe allowing our emotions to rule unchecked (especially anger) is what can eventually lead to abuse (physical or emotional).

I'm trying to be alert to keeping my emotions in check as well as making sure the punishment fits the crime.  Does this make sense?  To all you seasoned mothers out there, am I on the right track? Let me know if I'm missing something in this picture.

Oh dear!  I just realized that you all may be having heart attacks out there!  Don't worry!  It wasn't "The Old Schoolhouse" magazine that got ruined!  Whew!!  It was my husband's "The Family Handyman" magazine.  Although, that magazine may be more important than "The Old Schoolhouse"!  Hee Hee!

And, by the way, I have not yet received my spring issue of "The Old Schoolhouse".  It seems I should have it by now, after all, it IS spring!  Have you received yours if you subscribe?

• 7 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

Apr. 7, 2007 - The Rewards of Birth

But alas, I did have morning sickness during the first trimester of all my pregnancies.  I had it bad!

We all have some sort of pain in varying degrees during pregnancy and delivery.  God guarantees it as a part of the curse of sin.  However, there are more verses in the Bible speaking of the rewards of having children than there are of pain in childbirth.

I cannot imagine life without a single one of my children. 

There were many days during pregnancy that I thought "I can't take another moment of this!  How am I going to make it!"  But I did make it.  The season of pain did pass.  The result is love.  And lots of it!  Love was taken to a whole new level in my heart when children entered my life!  With each passing day the love grows stronger. 

Before my children, I'm not so certain I would sacrifice my own life for that of another.  Not at least without some hesitation.  But now.....there are 4 people that I love so much that I would die for any one of them without a moment's hesitation.  I think most mothers feel the same way.  My heart bleeds for those who don't.

But here's the real challenge:

Do you love your children so much that you pray for them? For their salvation? For their character? For their life? Do you love your children so much that you keep yourself close to God?  To work on your own character development? Do you love your children enough to love your husband even more?

I feel as though I could go on and on with the daily grind things of life that show my kids how much love them - or not. Actually, maybe to sacrifice my life is the easiest display of love.

• 6 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

Apr. 5, 2007 - More on Birth

In reading everyone else's birth stories I thought of something else to add to make you all soooooo jealous!

Even after twins, I have not a single stretch mark!  And no droopy tummy!  I do now have a thicker waist but I'm very appreciative of that - it seems to better balance out my wider hips.  Clothes fit better now!  The down side is that I have an extra 10 pounds I just can't seem to shake.  Although I haven't been trying hard enough.  I love my sweets too much!

• 4 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link

Apr. 5, 2007 - Sharing My Labor Story

Ok, Tracy started this.  I hesitate sharing mine since it make you all hate me.  But here goes...

Baby #1 - Chloe   (2000)

Born 1 week before due date.  Thought my water was leaking so I went to see the midwife at 12:00 pm.  She said yes it was, then no it wasn't, then yes it was, then no.....  I was not having contractions so I went home and took a nap.  Woke up at 3:00 pm experiencing some mild contractions so went to birthing center.  Sat in jacuzzi to labor.   Still not experiencing anything too dreadful but then I sent hubby to have the midwife come check me because I felt like pushing.  Yep!  Fully dilated!  Pushed 5 times and there was 6 pound 4 ounce Chloe.

Babies #2&3 - Zak & Willow   (2003)

Born 3 weeks before due date.  Water broke at 4:00 am.  Got dressed to go to hospital even though no contractions.  They were born naturally and with no meds at 7:00 am.  Few pushes and out popped 5 pounds 11 ounces Zak.  Labor seemed to stop but 8 minutes later it started again. Few more pushes and out popped  6 pounds 2 ounces Willow.

In between baby #3 and baby #4 I experienced a molar pregnancy in 2004.  Lost the baby at 18 weeks and had to prevent pregnancy for 1 year due to cancer screening.

Baby #4 - Macy  (2006)

Born 2 days before due date.  This was my longest labor!  Checked in at hospital 11:00 pm with suddenly strong contractions.  This time I asked for meds & they broke my water.  7 pound Macy was born 20 minutes later.  I had labored a total of 5 hours.

She was born 2 days before my birthdate and at the same hospital!  Here we are 8 hours after birth.

 Here she is ready to go home the next morning!  I couldn't get home fast enough!  I missed the other kids so much! Plus, the hospital bed was so uncomfotable that I wasn't getting any rest!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Macy is turning 1 year old on April 11.  I'm turning 39 on April 13 and Jim is turning 41 on April 16. 

My body's clock may be shutting down but we do hope to have more children.

• 12 Notes • Leave a Note! • Permanent Link