Sometimes I feel that my gifts, talents and abilities are a curse rather than a gift. Because I have always found so many things easy, I’m rarely willing to put forth a huge effort on anything. Not only that, I tend far too much to depend on myself and my own strength and abilities, rather than having total reliance on God.

 

In my head, I know everything I have, all my skills and abilities come from God. But I find myself lacking the absolute desperation for God that I believe I should have in every situation.

 

Why is it that I only find myself desperate for God and ready to look to Him for help when I’ve come to the end of myself, when I’ve messed up and blown it and gotten myself in too deep? How can I remember to look to God first, rather than depending on myself? What can I do to help myself remember what an absolute and total disaster I make of things when I try to do it all by myself? This shouldn’t be too hard to remember, as often as it’s happened, but somehow I keep finding myself in the same situation.

 

Lord, I have blown it so many times, and I feel so disappointed and even disgusted with myself, my own selfishness, my own stupidity, shallowness and sinfulness. Help me to look to You as the Source of everything. Help me to look to You for help in my daily living, in my family, in my relationships, in my work, in my health and energy level, in short, in everything!