The Lord has been challenging me to grow in a few areas lately.  One of them is in the area of loving others.  I tend to be a rather shy, private person.  I don't have many close friends, and I have had a lot of people describe me as reserved, and even cold.  I know that God wants me to love others.  It's a part of His Great Commandment:

" Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments."  (Matthew 22:36-40)

And elsewhere Jesus said,

"I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another.  Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another.  By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]."  (John 13:34-35)

I knew it wouldn't be easy.  I knew that when we ask to become better at loving, God specially gives us the unlovely and the unlovable to stretch us and help us to grow.  I knew that I am generally selfish.  I knew that He would give me tests, and that I would sometimes struggle...

But I didn't expect to blow it so badly the very first day!  A friend who's in town from overseas called my dear hubby and asked to use our place to gather a bunch of their friends together while they are visiting here in town.  No problem.  I readily agreed to that.  But then, they called and asked me what food they should bring.  I snapped off a comment to my husband that I'm not organizing this thing.  I don't even know who all they're inviting and who can come, so how could I possibly organize what food everybody brings?

Well, this got my dear hubby angry.  He threatened to call the whole thing off and tell them to use another place.  I scolded him, "Don't be like that."  And he challenged me, "You can be however you want to be, but I can't 'be like that'?!?" 

He was right.  I could have been nicer.  I could have just said I hadn't thought about what food to bring, or just told them to bring whatever food they've been missing while living overseas, or just said, "Have everybody bring enough food to feed their family.  It doesn't matter what it is."

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  Three of the saddest words in the English language.  (Never mind that they're not real words!)  They are words that reflect regret.  Shame.  Blame.  Conviction and condemnation.

Will I ever get it right?  Will I ever learn to stop, think, and choose to have the heart of Jesus Christ, who came, "not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45)?  Will I ever be able to love like Jesus who, "being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"  (Philippians 2:6-8)

I realize that I am totally incapable in my human capacity to love like that.  It is only with God's help, that Christ can love through me when I am able to yield myself to His control. 

Oh, Lord, even knowing the struggles that this prayer will bring, teach me to love!

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Posted by Anonymous

Groups of people, parties and the like give me wobbly knees. Still God called us not to have a spirit of fear, but of love and power and sound mind...through him. I could totally relate to your post.
You're open to God's rebuke and see that you cannot overcome this without Him. You can't change without Him and without knowing you've got a problem. Being shy isn't easy, but you can do anything through Christ.
Relating...
Michelle

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