Just the other day I received another phone call from a friend of a friend who's interested in homeschooling.  There aren't that many of us in Singapore yet, but the trend is definitely growing, so I get a lot of these kinds of calls.

After I hung up the phone, I started to reflect a bit on my homeschool journey, and I realized I wished I'd had someone like me to talk to when I got started.

Homeschooling began as a necessity for us, when we moved back to Singapore from England just two short months after my son was diagnosed with a learning disability, which was later identified as dyslexia.  In England, he received a lot of loving, caring concern and individualized help and support.  He was encouraged and praised for his successes, and really, to the best of my knowledge, never made to feel bad about anything that he struggled with.

I knew all that would change when we returned to Singapore.  Now, don't get me wrong: the Singapore school system is something, churning out some of the top math and science students in the world.  But I also knew that the pace and pressure to excel academically were stresses to most students, let alone a child with a learning challenge.  It is a system where certain children thrive, and the rest struggle and stress.  So, we returned to Singapore and began our homeschooling journey.

Below are some of the things I wish I'd known then that I know now.

1.  Homeschooling doesn't have to mean setting up a school in your home.  School was all I knew.  I had gone to both public and private schools, and so I did what I knew.  I tried to treat homeschooling like having school in our home.  But how do you draw the line between when you're a parent and when you're a teacher?  And, where, oh where, could I find the space to set up a classroom in our tiny little apartment?  It took a while to get through my thick skull, but I've learned that having a school at home, at least for us, just does not work.

2.  Homeschooling can be fun!  In fact, it should be fun.  And if it isn't fun, at least some of the time, something's wrong.  How I wish I'd known this earlier, as I struggled to help my dear son learn how to read and add and write legibly, and all those other basic skills we struggled through.  I became a drill sergeant, barking out orders, and my poor, frustrated children suffered.  Now, I want my children to love learning, and while I still maintain a pretty regular school schedule, I allow time for a "Games Day" and an "I just need a break" Day and even an occasional "It's so beautiful.  Let's go swimming" Day.

3.  Relax!  You will make mistakes, but you will learn from them, and you will all grow together through your mistakes.  I was so tense when I began homeschooling.  I haunted our local library, reading everything I could possibly find on homeschooling, dyslexia, and education in general.  I could've earned another master's degree for all the research I did.  I was overwhelmed with guilt over the countless number of times our homeschooling day ended with me screaming at my poor son.  I wept over my apparent lack of self-control and my horrible temper and my impatience.  And I struggled over feeling trapped.  I knew my son couldn't cope with the local schools, we couldn't afford an international school, and I could think of no other alternative other than homeschooling.  It's taken me years, and I still have to remind myself not to take myself so seriously.

4.  Celebrate the successes.  I look back now, and I can only shake my head and wonder at myself.  God knew what He was doing when He gave a child with a learning challenge to a perfectionist Mom.  He was building character--in me!  I can't believe the number of times I scolded over one mistake on a page instead of praising the 15 things my child got right.  Or huffed with impatience when my son couldn't read the same word--for the fifth time--on the same page--in the same paragraph.  But too often I failed to stop and say, "Hurray!  You got it!" when he finally did read that word all by himself.  Yesterday, my son finally managed to break the 5-minute barrier in a timed math exercise, after weeks of being so close, but not able to finish in less than 5 minutes.  I will never forget the pride in his smile, and the way he held his head a little higher and sat up a little straighter after I announced his finish time of 4 minutes, 48 seconds.  My older daughter joined in to congratulate him for this little victory.  She, too, is learning the importance of celebrating the successes.

5.  Enjoy your children.  Back when I was feeling trapped, and dreading my next emotional outburst of frustration, I dreaded waking up each morning.  I would lie there in bed with tears rolling down my cheeks, begging God to help me to keep my impatience and temper under control.  I forgot to appreciate the three wonderful blessings God has given me.  I have a beautiful, brilliant 10-year old daughter, who is so kind and thoughtful and sensitive to the needs of others.  She reads to her little sister and brother and gives so much to her brother and sister in so many little ways all through the day every day.  My son is quirky and funny, creative and gifted with his hands.  He has made the most beautiful creations with his Legos and building toys I've ever seen.  He has a wonderful sense of symmetry and design.  Any my dear little 4-year old brings me such intense joy that sometimes I don't know how I can hold it all in.  She's so cute and funny as she tries to use big words and mispronounces them or uses them in the wrong context.  She brings smiles to my face countless times through the day.  Life is short, and I cherish each moment with these precious blessings God's given me.

These are just a few of the things I wish I'd known almost four years ago when we started homeschooling.  It's been a long journey, and we still have a ways to go, but I'm so thankful for the blessing and privilege of teaching the children God has given me.  I know exactly what their strengths and weaknesses are.  I rejoice with every little success, and I try to encourage with every setback.  We're still learning and growing and stretching, and there's still so much I need to learn myself, but thank God, we're learning and living and loving together, by His grace!

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As I was listening to my oldest daughter reading her Chinese lesson aloud today, I came up with a brilliant idea.  (Pardon me while I wrench my arm out of its socket to pat myself on the back!)  I know that people use ideas like this for English and reading lessons, but somehow it never translated over into the Mandarin lessons for me until today!  Duh.

My little Bubbles loves being read to.  And she's learning Chinese in the church kindergarten.  And I know from my dear hubby's feedback that Dancing Queen's pronunciation in her Mandarin reading is impeccable.

Sooo, I asked Dancing Queen to read her lessons aloud to Bubbles, and then explain the stories to her in English.  Now, Bubbles is getting additional Mandarin exposure, Dancing Queen is still doing her homework, which is reading, with a focus on comprehension, and I (who can barely string together enough words to speak the most simple of Chinese sentences) can help two of my children in their learning the Chinese language at the same time!  Woo-hoo!  Oh, yeah.  Uh-huh.

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My son Roboboy had such a struggle learning to read.  Just learning to recognize his ABC's was a major accomplishment, and even 'til now, he just does not really like reading very much.  He's been labeled as dyslexic, and since that diagnosis, I've made it a point to try to be more patient and make a lot more allowances for his reading.  (Confession: prior to his diagnosis, I was very impatient with his reading struggles, and I just thought he was being lazy and didn't want to learn.  He's such a smart boy, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't or couldn't learn to read.)

The curriculum we used while Roboboy was struggling with reading is a self-teaching curriculum, where the student reads new information, then practices it or answers questions about the information just read.  How could he possibly proceed with any learning at all unless he could read?  So, to keep his learning progressing, I read to him, and we did a lot of oral work.  I asked him the questions and he answered orally.  We read aloud together.  I read, and he repeated after me.  I read a page, then he read a paragraph, and as he learned to read, he gradually built up to reading whole pages on his own, usually aloud to me, so I could check his reading progress.

I tried many different things.  We used phonics, and we worked with learning sight words.  Those sight words were a challenge!  I tried everything I could think of to help him learn those words in a fun and interesting way.  We used flash cards.  We used magnetic letters.  We used Scrabble board tiles.

We played games.  He stood on one side of the room and I stood on the other.  I showed him the words on flash cards, and for each card he could read, he took one step closer to me (or to the TV!)  Being able to watch a favorite TV show or video was a big reward for him.  Once he was across the room and able to touch the TV, we would stop doing the sight words flash cards, and he could pop in his video.

We haven't done sight words for a LONG time.  I recently finished the spelling curriculum I've been using, and Roboboy is a terrible speller, so I thought I'd go back to the basics and see how well he could do, reading and spelling his sight words.  (I've noticed him misspelling a number of them regularly in his writing, so I figured that's a good place to start.)

I went through those 100 sight words with him today in 2 minutes flat!  He whizzed through reading them, barely stumbling on any of them, and correcting himself before I could correct him when he did mispronounce one.

I could tell he was so proud of himself.  It was easy!  It was TOO easy for him, now.  This was solid evidence to both of us how far he has come in his reading.  I knew it, and he knew it, but by performing this challenge today, he saw it for himself, and he knew that I saw it too.  I think that was important to him, that I knew he's come a long way.

Spelling is still a challenge, and reading is still not his favorite thing to do, but he can never say again, "I can't read!"

Recently, he picked up and read his very first chapter book on his own.  Without any suggestions or prompting from me!  He saw a book on his older sister's bookshelf that captured his attention, and he borrowed it and read it.  It was hard work for him, but he stuck with it, and over the course of a few days, he finished the whole thing! 

Most of the time, he will still choose early readers, and I allow him to choose his own selections for our daily quiet reading time, as well as the books he borrows from the library.  I don't even push him to read these, and he may simply be browsing the pictures on the pages some of the time.  But he knows, and I know that he can read other things, more challenging things, if and when he wants to.  Yes!

Now, my 4-year-old Bubbles is clamoring to learn to read!  Here we go again...

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Well, I'm back from our weekend ladies retreat, and it was wonderful!  I came home happy and tired to find Bubbles well on the road to recovery (see previous post), which was a great relief!  It seems she just has a cold or a sinus infection.  And all that remains are a cough and runny nose.

The 2 older children are at a 3-day kids' camp at church, so I brought Bubbles grocery shopping with me today.  I usually bring one of the older ones, so this is a first.  She was so excited that she could come along and help with the marketing.  A little too excited.  She kept throwing things into the cart, and I had to keep reminding her that cookies will crumble, crackers will turn into crumbs, and apples will bruise if you throw them.

Grocery shopping has turned into a special time for me to have some one-on-one time with my dc.  And they are turning into great shoppers.  The older two (ages 8 and 10) know the layout of the store, where to find most things on my list, and which brands we usually buy.  They can pick out which are the nicest fresh fruits and vegetables and take them to the weighing counter to get them weighed.  They are learning to do comparison shopping, checking the prices of different brands.

Now that they know these basics so well, I've begun giving them their own shopping list and cart, and allowing them to go independently through the store to get all the items on their lists.  I've also made a space on the list for them to write down how much each item costs, and have them total up the cost of their groceries to practice their math skills.  Then we meet again at the checkout.

Because I write my shopping list according to the layout of the store, we rarely leave each other's sight, and Mom is almost never more than one aisle away.  They know that I'm right there if they can't find an item, aren't sure of the brand, or have any other questions.  My ds especially loves this.  He feels so grown up, and in fact, felt frustrated that he had to ask me any questions at all.  I think he longs for the time when he can complete his entire list without having to refer to me for help at all.  (Little does he know that he's learning while he's enjoying this exercise in independence!)

Now, if I can just get Bubbles to stop throwing things, I'm sure she'll turn into a great little shopper too!

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Today was a better day.  I should have known it would be.  Why is it I can never remember that "the sun'll come out tomorrow" when I'm smack-dab right in the middle of today?  If only I could remember that "this, too, shall pass" whenever I find myself in the middle of one of "those" days. 

Maybe I need a curly red wig to sit in a corner of our dining/school room to remind me!  Then, when those days mama warned me about come, I'll just pop on my wig, pull my children to my side, and belt it out (hopefully in tune!): "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you're only...a daaaayyy....a-waaaayyyy...."!!

I went over Roboboy's math with him today, using 1 cent, 10 cent and $1 coins to represent ones, tens and hundreds, and he enjoyed it, and seemed to understand the problems he had missed yesterday so much better with handfuls of lovely coins to play with as he did them.

Then we did his spelling (by far his greatest struggle!) using magnetic letters on a white board.  He only missed 1 out of 40 words!

I tried to follow his lead, asking him to try to do at least a little bit in each subject, but if he got tired, bored or frustrated, he could choose when to move on to another subject.  It seemed to help him to press on when he felt that he was more in control of the situation.

Meanwhile, Dancing Queen sat at the table, watching all this going on, and happily worked away at her lessons.  No struggles over why Roboboy got to have all the fun.  Nothing!  In fact, she verbally noted that Roboboy enjoys school so much more when he has hands-on activities to do.  She was genuinely happy for him.

I guess I should realize that different learning styles are really just that.  My auditory/visual learner is not going to complain that she doesn't get to do hands-on things if she's happy doing what she's doing according to her preferred learning style.  And my kinesthetic learner was definitely way happier over the way his studies progressed today.  Even when there was reading or bookwork to be done, it was ok, because it was interspersed with hands-on activities in between.  And I guess, for him, that makes all the difference in the world!

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Well, today was one of those days.  I take the kids to the library quite regularly, every other Wednesday, and today was library day.

We arrived at one of our favorite branches of the local library, and got down to work.  Dancing Queen finished her work pretty quickly, and, being an avid reader, headed off to browse among the shelves.

Roboboy was frustrated that his dear sis had finished before him AGAIN.  Then, he struggled with his math lesson.  He couldn't seem to get it, even though today's assignment was a review of material he had already seemed grasp in the past couple weeks.  Double frustration.  Roboboy does demonstrate evidence of some learning difficulties, and has officially been diagnosed as dyslexic, one of the main reasons we chose to homeschool when we moved back to Singapore.

After I checked his work, he had missed quite a few problems, and he was triply frustrated.  Poor guy!  He was ready to blow!

To be honest, I know the materials I'm using are not really meeting him at his learning style, which is hands-on, and I'm trying to look into how I can meet his learning style needs more effectively, but I'm not a hands-on learner myself, and so I struggle to come up with ideas for this poor little guy.

I do have math manipulatives, and can create or get more if necessary, but at what stage do you put the manipulatives away and ask them to work out problems on paper?

I've just finished reading something by John Holt from the library, and even wondered if unschooling would suit him better.  But I worry that he would just play the days away and would fall further and further behind his peers.  And would it suit my dds?  My concern is how to meet their individual needs and not have them feel that I'm being "unfair" (by this I mean, I visualize Dancing Queen reading and studying away while Roboboy gets to play all day long).

I don't know if dh would understand unschooling in a high-pressure academic society like Singapore.  I'm sure Dancing Queen would probably thrive in some areas, as she's already a voracious reader, and loves history, though she's certainly not up to the Singapore math standard.  Bubbles is still a pre-schooler and hands-on learning and learning through play are a natural to her.  And, she LOVES worksheets, and begs for coloring pages and worksheets so she can do school like her siblings.  She's so eager to read that it's happening before my very eyes.  It's mainly my precious Roboboy that I worry about.  I see his frustration, and in my own human weakness, just don't know how to help him.

Then, I checked my mobile phone (on silent mode in the library) and realized the church office had been trying to contact me all morning for a writing assignment needed urgently that I had totally forgotten about.  I'd been working on something else on my laptop all morning, and by then my battery was flat.  So I had to quickly gather up my children and rush back home to plug in and play catch up!  (Totally my fault!)  But, whew! it's finished, sent off to be loaded onto the church website, and my part of the job is done.

Well, the bad news is that sometimes there are days like this.  The good news is that God knows all about it.  And He was there to let me lean on Him and receive His strength to get done what seemed almost impossible.  And I know He will give me wisdom on how to provide the best possible education for each of the precious children He's placed in my care.

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