I am motivated often times by guilt.  I have yet to figure out how wrong that is.  Perhaps by the end of this blog I will have had a personally breakthrough...probably not...oh geez more guilt.

Lets start with the sidewalk chalk.  Innocent, cheap, amusing sidewalk chalk.  Ha! Not so much as it turns out.  My kids love it.  My dear husband does not.  So a little compromise says wise mother (me!).  Keep it on the drive way where daddy's car is normally parked.  Brilliant right?  When daddy comes home he drives over the colorful creation.  It all seemed so simple.  But I have a three year old.  And simple flys out the window like a bird in migration when you throw a three year old into the mix.  There was a pencil crayon in the chalk bucket.  Yes I agree.  WHY oh why was there a pencil crayon in the chalk bucket?  My spirited, independent three year old naturally took the pencil crayon and drew "lovely" pictures on the front porch.  Guilt.  Guilt over getting angry at my little girl for her creations and guilt over acting nonchalant with my husband when he came home that night. 

Moving on...I had great ambitions of doing math, reading and writing with my kids regularily this summer.  I have been trying to figure out how my daughter has managed not to read a single book yet in the month we have been officially done our work.  I have these great intentions.  Then when she shows opposition I crumble in and feel, wait for it, guiltly.  It is her summer vacation after all. She did work really hard all year you know.  Then at the end of the day when the sun has set again without a book being opened...more guilt.

I really should summarize or this could go on all day.  Here is my list of reasons to feel guilty:

*forgetting suncreen one afternoon

*too much tv

*too much computer time

*not enough social interaction

*that pile of laundry that needs to be folded

*my husband running out of clean underwear (oops its in the washed but unfolded basket of laundry)

*my husband going to work with a wrinkled shirt

*watching what not to wear at 11:30 in the morning three days in a row

*watching my son have a raging fever for three days before taking him to the doctor

*no bedtime story two nights last week

*getting my kids to bed at a decent time than explaining to their friends that knock on the door at 9 that they can't play

*getting my kids to bed too late

*not writing love notes in my husbands lunch

*not calling my mom

*not keeping in touch with friends

*eating an extra scoop of ice-cream

It's all about the guilt.  I am surrounded, blanketed, emerged, and sometimes drowing in it.

More often than not I find myself on knees uttering a very simple prayer.

"Oh Lord, forgive me. Give me strength for another day.  Thank you for my joy."

Because in the midst of all the guilt there is joy still.