Aug. 19, 2008 - Ancient of Days
"As I looked, thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took his seat. His clothing was as white as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. His throne was flaming with fire, and its wheels were all ablaze. A river of fire was flowing, coming out from before him. Thousands upon thousands attended him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him.The court was seated, and the books were opened...
In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed."
~ Daniel 7
What a powerful passage of Scripture. I love the description of God as the "Ancient of Days". Yes, He is from everlasting to everlasting. Wisdom inherent. |
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 17, 2008 - Chasing White Rabbits
Lewis Carroll's Alice couldn't help following her white rabbit. I mean, he appeared early on in her dream and she couldn't stop herself from running after him to see what he meant about being late. Late for what? And, to some degree the rabbit seemed to be the only sensible character in Wonderland who might be capable of helping Alice out of her terrible predicament.
These days I relate to Alice. Although wide awake, I seem to be at the beck and call of my own white rabbit as I dodge the fear of not being ready for school in time. I dart hither and yon trying to catch sight of clues that might lead me to accomplish something recognizeable as "progress", but at the end of the day I wonder whether I'm any farther ahead than when I began. I've an awful feeling that I'm running in circles and getting nowhere. How does one make the best use of these final weeks of summer when the busyness of fall hovers so ominously on the horizon?Unfortunately, there's no conclusive answer to this rhetorical question.
So...even though I FEEL as though I'm chasing a white rabbit, I continue to trust that God is guiding my preparations. That the path I'm following is not an elusive rabbit trail, but steps in the right direction. |
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 13, 2008 - Perspectives
I didn't accomplish much in the way of school preparation today. And, now at 10:30ish at night I have just enough brain-power left to write a short post that describes my state of mind. Kinda' overwhelmed. Kinda' panicky. Kinda' writing the day off. Kinda' thinking I should have tried harder. Or focussed better. Or had more discipline to move my legs down the stairs toward the dreaded spot.
But, my son went to his first official sleepover today, and we exchanged him for one of our friends' daughters. I got to visit with another homeschooling mom and share our sorrow about the end of summer and encourage one another for the challenges that lie ahead. The kids and I had chores to run. Groceries to pick up. Meals to make and dishes to clean. I enjoyed laughter with my older girls who are less inclined to hang around with us all the time and more often are drawn away by their peers. We made playlists together and they mocked my choice of beautiful music. But, I was willing to give some of their wilder choices a listen-to. So perhaps the day felt like a failure in terms of productivity, but maybe on some other level...it was a winner. |
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 12, 2008 - Beginnings
I stayed up really late last night trying to begin the planning stages of my 2008-2009 school year. The task is daunting. So many subjects to overview and understand. New textbooks in some subjects, and all new unit studies for Socials and Science.
One of the challenges of homeschooling is that material can rarely be repeated. The kids whether actively learning the material or not, pick up vicariously, the main ideas being covered. The younger ones always feel as though they already know the topic even if they haven't studied it themselves.
In a few weeks from now my eldest daughter will start studying completely on-line. This is a new approach for us. So once again Sarah gets to be the guinea pig. I'm cannot say that I'm not anxious, because I really don't know what we're facing. Kinda' like going into labor the first time. (Let's hope it's not that bad!)
In the meantime, life still continues to throw daily busyness at me. So although I'd like to spend every waking moment hovering over the keyboard and scouting out websites that might be helpful, I keep getting called away to play taxi driver, or cook. I've some luncheons to plan and one big dinner to put on during the week before school starts. Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. But, I haven't yet learned to say "No" and keep my life balanced. Perhaps that is just a mirage anyway - life seems to keep us on our toes regardless of how we plan. If I have an empty afternoon someone comes along and fills it in for me. Quiet time is hard to come by, accept in the wee hours of the morning around here. And during the summer my teenagers have even been infiltrating that previously cherished time.
|
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 7, 2008 - Truth
I used to think that the belt of truth (re: Ephesians 6) was speaking only about taking up the Word of God. And, I don't dispute this original conclusion that I drew from the passage. Afterall, God's Word is the ultimate standard against which all words can be measured. His Word is The Truth as opposed to a version, or replica.
But, taking up the belt of truth has more far-reaching implications that God has been revealing to me as I journey through the summer, getting to know myself and Him better. I suppose the belt of truth has to do with my own honesty too. Speaking truth not just in terms of sharing about God, but being truthful in all of my statements. Making sure that the words that leave my lips have the same effect as God's Word - encouraging, building up, loving, positive. Unfortunately, many words escape uncensored as I react rather than respond to what someone has done or said.
Truth isn't just about the spoken word, but also about the unspoken. My silence can be just as telling as my speech. A "yes", or a "no" can be understood or implied without my saying anything. I can seem to go along with another's point of view because I stay quiet and nod as though I'm agreeing. Silence can encourage others to presume qualities about me that are completely inaccurate. Maybe the implication of a lie is one reason why the court of law asks for a witness to "speak the whole truth".
I can be untruthful about who I am as a person by presenting only the palatable, lovely, charming bits of my personality to the public. No, I don't think I should go splashing all my emotions out there for everyone else to deal with, but that's the opposite extreme. Usually I have the mask (of protection) firmly in place to keep others from seeing the real me that might be unacceptable, unlikeable, not en vogue. I can allow others to assume the kind of person I am based on encountering me at the right moment. Moments when I'm "on". They might find a very different scenerio, and person, if they were to encounter me when I wasn't expecting to be seen. When the belt of truth isn't in place I present the company-is-here face, or the phone voice, or the everything- in-it's-proper-place display of Jan. But, that isn't the "me" that God knows. |
[Comments - 2]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 2, 2008 - An Aching Hip
I threw my hip out yesterday being stubborn and moving heavy furniture by myself. We have been working steadily throughout the past week preparing my eldest daughter's new bedroom in the basement. My middle daughter also was moving into the space previously occupied by Sarah so we had to sort through, dispose of, and find new places for all their "stuff". The job is now done, but I'm feeling helpless as I shuffle around the house unable to sit properly or bend down to pick things up. Not a good situation when you're trying to run a household.
I still went for my walk today although that was an exercise in discipline. The pain did ease as the muscles loosened up, but as soon as I stopped and sat down at home the hip tightened back up. Advil and Tylenol are helping me to cope with the achy-ness but not banishing it entirely.
As I think through this hip episode I can't help recalling Jacob whose hip was damaged as he fought with God. I've been doing my own wrestling lately, working through issues of "self". Asking God to reveal my real self to me. The outcome hasn't been pretty. Lots of situations have arisen that have put my character to the test and often I haven't come out smelling like a rose. More like a sewer. Of sin. I'm reading lots of material that addresses this concept of "coming to know one's self" through deeper intimacy with God. I'm stricken at how invasive the sin disease really is. So many hidden aspects that are revealed as I analyze my walk, talk, attitude, inner dialogue. On the other hand, this latest journey is bringing me closer to understanding the depths of God's love and mercy, forgiveness, grace. If He loves me just as I am, then I am of all sinners most blessed. |
[Comments - 1]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Aug. 1, 2008 - An Open Window
I love sleeping with my window open. I love the fresh air breezing through my room and the feeling of connectedness to the outside world. In the spring the air brings the smell of the awakening earth and new-sprung greenery. In the summer the stillness of the night is broken only by the occasional bird call, or rush of a car somewhere far in the distance. Even in the winter I keep my window open unless the temperatures drop well below zero. I love curling up under the covers and falling asleep with crisy icy air swirling around my face.
Having the window open alerts me to all the changes in weather. When the wind picks up the blinds rattle and bang. When a storm blows in from the west my door slams shut as the blasts of wind find passage through my house. And, I feel like I'm right in the middle in the thundercloud when it rumbles like a bowling ball clattering down into the gutter.
I love the sense of freedom that an open window implies. If I could fly, I would stand on the ledge and leap out in wild abandon. Such joy is found in being free. Being fully alive. Maya Angelou describes the feeling perfectly when she writes, " The free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wings in the orange sun rays and dares to claim the sky."
|
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Jul. 28, 2008 - Failure
To fail means to "fall short of what is expected", "to disappoint "(in some sense), "to be unsuccessful". With failure comes a deep sense of not being enough, and with those kinds of thoughts come all kinds of emotions - sadness that can lead to depression, anger, a need to blame.
I am probably my own worst critic. I don't really need another's negative viewpoint on how well I'm coping with all the areas of my life. And, the enemy knows me well. Some days all he has to do is point out my weakness and I feel the nipping of the wounded parts in me. He takes my mistakes and throws them in my face, telling me that my actions define me. Though I could do ten things well, the enemy will take the one thing or situation where I don't measure up and taunt me with that, if I let him. Will I succumb to his ploys, or have I grown up enough to recognize that one mistake doesn't negate the progress I've made in my journey with God?
So I confess my sinfulness, my human-ness. With humility I ask and receive mercy once again from my Heavenly Father. Hopefully, I am learning to know myself a little better through these circumstances as I reflect on what happened and how I failed. Hopefully, I am also learning to KNOW the Father more too. Know that His heart is tender towards me. Loving. Compassionate. Slow to anger. Patience. Forgiving. Always willing to give another chance.
Father, thank-you that when I am most disappointed with myself you demonstrate your loving heart most fully. |
[Comments - 4]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Jul. 23, 2008 - I Can't Stop Singing This...
The words of this song have been singing in my heart since Saturday night at church. I wake and the words are already whirling around in my thoughts. Thank-you, Sherinne, for being faithful and leading us into the presence of God...
As morning dawns and evening fades
You in- spire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart and glorify Your Name
CHORUS
Your Name is a strong and mighty tow- er
Your Name is a shelter like no oth- er
Your Name, let the nations sing it loud- er
'Cause nothing has the pow- er to save
But Your Name
Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live for You and glorify Your Name
Thank you, Paul Baloche for this beautiful melody and for the simplicity of words that are powerful enough to penetrate deep into my soul. |
[Comments - 2]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
Jul. 22, 2008 - Strange Encounters
If I could tally up the emotion that best describes this summer I would give you the word "freedom". I've had a great sense of freedom as we unleased from the tether of home to head down the Oregon Coast to San Diego on our holidays. And, although we came back to be plunged headfirst into end of school "stuff", the rest of the summer had alloted me the same privilege of being able to head out the door on a whim.
I've spent hours just walking for miles and miles. I've begun new friendships, and rekindled ones that had fizzled out. I've bumped into people who I haven't seen for years and wondered at the timing and the reason behind these strange encounters. Hearts laid bare in a parking lot by Save-On Foods. I've touched bases with friends who will always be friends. The kind of friends that have become knit into the fabric of my being, who's lives have intimately changed the way I do life, and who have walked with me while the walls around my safe places where being shifted and torn down. These kinds of friends fill your cup until it 'runneth over' as the sweet old King James says.
I've had time to putter in my garden, pruning flowers for hours under an easy sun that fills my heart with joy and warms me to my bones. I've had time to think about God and soak in the light of His gaze. I've felt the direction of my life shifting, not ground-shaking shifting but a subtle shift that isn't really clear or meaningful to me yet.
I feel rested in my spirit. Happy that I haven't even flipped the calendar to August yet. Excited that there are lots of days left in which to continue revelling in freedom, and filling my well until it's overflowing. I'm not so overwhelmed by thoughts of what the new school year will hold. I think I'm finally beginning to learn what it means to trust God. Trust Him not only for the salvation of my soul, or the uncertainty of the future, but for the details of my days, the inconsequential things that mean nothing to anybody else but me and Him. And, He takes care of them. |
[Comments - 0]
[Post A
Comment!] [Permanent Link]
|
|
|
|
