My parents recently went to a marriage conference and my mom e-mailed us kids to share from her notes what she learned. Here are her thoughts which I thought were very helpful and inspiring!
A marriage of unity, understanding and love is not rooted in romance, but in worship. In Romans 1:18 it talks about how man started worshiping created things rather than the Creator. We are by nature worshipers. Something lays claim to our hearts, either our Creator of something else. What you live for shapes and structures your relationships. James 4 talks about what causes fights and quarrels. It is our desires. There isn't anything wrong with desires, but our desires are often not in line with God's desires. We have our idea of what we want (our kingdom), so when something interferes with it, like our spouse who has a different dream or desire, there is a collision of dreams. So putting God first and worshiping Him first in our lives is key.
Sin causes us to shrink our lives to the size of our lives.
Our most difficult problem in marriage is inside of ourselves. We have needs and wants. (our own kingdom)
Marriage is two flawed persons with a faithful God. Real unity and understanding and love come when your heart is ruled by the kingdom of God, not self.
Our character is developed in the little moments. Even the small moments of living life in our marriages should give God the glory
What rules our hearts is THE important thing. Even desire for a good thing becomes a bad thing when it rules our hearts rather than Christ.
We want comfort, appreciation, power, to control things, etc. and if we don't get it we may get mad at those who get in the way of those things. That may indicate that those may be "gods" in our lives. God wants to build our character to be like Christ's and putting us into a marriage relationship helps mold us to have better character if we co-operate with Him. We should ask what is God doing in my life here and now to make me more like Him. I Peter 1:3 and following talks about how God gives us all kinds of trials, grief and suffering to refine us.
Metals are in rocks of ore and aren't useful or beautiful until they are boiled.
God can't leave us in our "ore" state. God will boil you and take you where you have not intended to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own. Marriage is an effective boiling pot to build your character. It reveals your heart. God's grace is uncomfortable because it seeks to change us from self-centered people to Christ-centered people who will give Him glory. A good day is when God makes us more like Himself, not when we have comfort, pleasure or ease, or our own dreams fulfilled.
That is what I learned tonight.
Love,
Mom |
