Recently I started reading the book and watching the DVD teaching series for "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. What a wonderful book and DVD series! It has challenged my thought process and my parenting greatly.
The basic premise of the book comes from Matthew 12:34 which says, "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." The book talks about how as parents we're often so focused on our kids' behaviors and what they do and don't do that we miss correcting their hearts and teaching them to understand why they do those things. It's so much easier to just discipline a child for misbehavior and send them off rather than taking the time to help them understand their hearts and why they do the things they do.
The book suggests helping the child understand what the real issue is in their hearts when they misbehave. If they're taking a toy from someone, their heart is filled with coveting or selfishness. When they see and understand the problems in their hearts, then this leads them to their need for Christ and his redemption, forgiveness and help in overcoming their sin nature. The problem with just disciplining them and sending them off is that you don't get to the place of discussing Jesus and his forgiveness and grace for us and why they are as they are. Their hearts don't truly change through Christ's grace and help and if there hearts don't change, their behavior may be modified and changed for a time, but inside there may still be rebellion and selfishness and all the heart problems and over time the wrong behaviors will still come out.
So the key to raising our children is
be willing to take time with them and discuss their hearts
pray for God to give them understanding into their hearts
pray that they would have the desire to allow Him to change their hearts.
Yes, there does need to be discipline and consequences for wrong behavior as well, but it shouldn't be administered neglecting the heart. The other hard thing for me is to be patient with my children in the same way that God is patient with me. It's so easy to want them to be loving, unselfish, wonderful kids after a week or two of talking with them and working on things. It's easy to let down on ambition and consistency when results aren't seen immediately. Instead I need to have patience and trust that God is at work in them even if I don't see immediate results. Certain punishments or rewards (bribes) may produce quick outward results in behavior but if the heart isn't changed, as soon as the reward is given, the behavior will quickly return because the heart wasn't affected.
I pray that I can rely on the Lord to change my children and have patience with them and dilligence to spend time with them to really know them and their hearts. I pray that they will turn to the Lord and through that their behaviors will look more and more Christ-like. God bless as we raise our precious children!
Great review of the book. I read this one more than once. I probably should read it again. It's a great way to infuse wisdom into our parenting. I hope it is really great for you and your family. :')
• Fri 28 Mar 2008 - Untitled Comment