I turned the radio on while I was cleaning up this morning and the Beatles song Help was on.  It made me think about how much I need help being a wife and mom.  In my mind I rewrote the words to apply to me....

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now that I’m a mom, I'm not so self assured,
The dinner’s burning, the baby’s crying, will someone answer the door.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate having some chocolate around.
Help me, get those lost socks found,
Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My waist line seemed to vanish in the haze.
And every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I need some quiet time like I never have before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And due to exhaustion my mind is not sound.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

            Let’s face it to be a good wife and mom I need help.  The laundry’s piling up, the dishes have been in the sink far too long, there are meetings, beds to be changed, lesson plans to write up, groceries to shop for, children needing me to explain that math lesson one more time and I won’t even get into meeting our husband’s needs.  HELP!  The good news is that God knows I need help but He did not make me helpless.  He has provided all the help I need to get the job.  I just need to ask Him to order myr day and give me the help I need.

Why do I get in this state?  

- Over-committed - As a "stay at home mom" I feel like I should be helping out everywhere.  Obvious so do a lot of other people or they wouldn't keep asking me to volunteer.  The reality is I can’t so I have to learn to say no.  Maybe I need to have practice sessions where I sit in front of the mirror say no, NO, nope, nay.

 Overwhelmed – This goes hand in hand with my being overcommitted.  I need to look at pieces of a job rather than the whole all the time.  If you get the laundry washed and dried one day and put away the next, that’s an accomplishment.  Planning ahead will help this as well.  When I plan my menu ahead of time I don't get so overwhelmed with meals.  Memo to self - start visiting flylady.com again.

Pride -  This was a huge one for me.  I want to be the best and do it all.  I know everyone is watching this great experiment called homeschooling and I've got prove how great a mom I am and just how brilliant my dear children are…time to lay down making myself look good and get real.  I also need to stop looking at every other mom and every other family to see how I measure up.  Comparisons just don’t help.  I need to be who I am in this season of mothering.  

Unrealistic Expectations --  What does a clean house mean to me anyway?  How about to my husband and family?  note to self -  Find out what matters most and do that first.  The rest will wait.  A wise friend once told me to have people over often...stay at home moms need fellowship.  I told her I couldn't do that I can never get the house ready.  Her secret, only clean the rooms the company will see.  She also told me to simplify by inviting people over for dessert instead of dinner.

A smart woman asks for help and I am a smart women.  

 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

Here I am Lord looking for the help you provide.  Help me to be a smart woman who can enjoy the life and family you've blessed her with.

Well, here we are in another New Year where I once again say I'm going to try to update my blog more often.  Life seems to be getting busier and busier every day.  Where does the time go?  When I began homeschooling 7 years ago I envisioned these peaceful, creative days...what I've got is a mad-cap blur of a life.  Of course when I started I only had 2 children and now there are 4 running around here.  That speeds things up a bit.  My creative lessons went out the window now that I'm trying to keep up with high school requirements and a child who longs to go to the Air Force Academy....gotta get all that info in his head in 4 short years and make his transcript look good.  YIKES!  What happened to childhood?  Fortunately, God is good and He is enabling me to make sure my dear children are getting the big picture.  They are all hard workers, kind, compassionate, very innovative, independent, love God and each other.  WHew!  I guess that a good year's work and I can go have another cup of cocoa before writing more lesson plans.

Our family team teaches Sunday school at our church about once a month.  It is one of the ways we have been called to serve.  It is quite a lesson for us.  Families have changed so much!  They bring their children to our class and are so happy to be rid of them for the morning.  The children are very hyper.  One boy last week threw desks across the room and tried to destroy everything he could because he did not want to be in church.  Meanwhile another boy was spitting and pinching the other children.  Another child sat quivering in the corner terrified of everyone and everything.  A few children just kept circling the room.  Many shouted over everyone and did their best to be the center of attention.  These children are 4-6 year olds.  Their families come to church every Sunday.  When parents came to pick up their children I spoke to the two worst (the destroyer and the pincher) ones parents about their children.  I spoken in love and with concern for their child.  These parents were not happy with me.  I was supposed to fix their child not come to the parent (that's just about a quote).  What was church for anyway.  What is going on here?  These kids are the daycare/preschool set.  I've been challenged, mocked and questioned because I don't choose to put my children in school.  I've been told my children wouldn't know how to act in a group setting.  Well, from this experience I can tell these children aren't learning about sharing, taking turns, basic manners or to develop their attention spans.  When I spoke to our children's ministry director she said "oh, it's only going to get worse...I'm glad I'm retiring because I have no idea what to do."

OH my!

I'm struggling.  I know I'm supposed to love the sinner to Christ.  How do you do that when the sins they are living just make you want to scream and run far away?  It's easy to connect with people at a conference or an airport BUT what about the people in my day to day life?  My tenants?  They have nothing to place their moral standards on.  They have no god but the god of pleasure and selfish motives.  Oh, they are "nice" but they are loudly carousing with their girlfriends on the other side of the wall, they are building campfires on our property and using our firewood at all hours of the night, they profane the name God in every sentence...there seems to be no thought that other people live here and they might be disturbing them.  No asks permission to take whatever tools they want from our garage.  I want to be one of those Christians who lovingly reach out and say "Here, it's not mine anyway...it's God's."  But then I'm just as much a sinner in my own way.  The difference is that I struggle and agonize over it and they are just angry for a bit and then go on their merry way.  I soooo want to be like Jesus but I have such a long way to go.  I am grateful that Jesus can love me the sinner and hate my sin enough that He died for me.

Before I left for the grocery store last week I stopped by my widowed neighbor’s to ask if she needed anything. She told me she could use a loaf of wheat bread so off I went to the store with my list. I drove home, put my groceries away and set out to deliver the bread. I decided to take my 13 year old’s bike instead of driving. I delivered the bread and turned around to quickly get back home. Downhill I began to pick up speed. I squeezed the brakes.  Nothing.  I continued to go faster and the brakes didn't respond.  That’s when in panic I put out my foot to stop the bicycle. I suddenly flew over the handle bars and crashed and rolled on the gravel road. I lay there in pain wondering if I’d broken my hand or my arm. I noticed blood on shirt and had no idea where it came from. Limping slowly home pulling the bike my son came running out to help me. My hand was badly injured and there were cuts and bruises everywhere.

I kept wondering "Lord, what are you teaching me here?" but I couldn’t find an answer.

The Christian life is like my ride on that bicycle. I’m doing great, doing a good deed when suddenly things look scary, risky, and are not in control. Instead of coasting and enjoy the thrill of the ride I panic because I don’t feel like I’m in control anymore. I try to take matters into my own hands and instead of looking at the situation clearly I stick my foot out where I shouldn’t and CRASH!  I lay hurting and battered. The good thing is that although I am now broken God has an opportunity to heal me, minister to me. There is nothing so hurt or broken that God cannot fix it. I can panic, I can make stupid choices but God is bigger and more loving than I can ever conceive of and He will not abandon me. I need to take the time to rest up, reconnect and get back on the bicycle. Only this next time, I hope I won’t panic but coast with God.