• Mar. 20, 2006
What My Parents Do Right (now that their kids are adults)
My parents have always been great parents, and they've made solid decisions and given so much love to all of us throughout our lives. Now that we ("we", meaning my 2 sisters and I, which also means "their" 3 children) are adults ourselves, and have our own husbands and children, my parents continue to be great parents. They're so wonderful, that I decided to devote this entry to what they are doing right, in the hopes that I'll re-read this when my kids are adults - so I can remember how to do it right. Here goes...here is my list of what they are doing right, right now, now that their kids are adults and have families themselves (by the way, these are not in any particular order, certainly not in order of importance):
- they always call before they come over to our house, and they always ask if it's alright to come (it always IS alright, because we LOVE their company, but it's a nice gesture anyway)
- they are willing to come to our house to see us (rather than expecting us to come to them, which is hard to do with small children sometimes)
- they never complain that we are not coming to their house often enough (and we probably don't, although we'd like to and should)
- they are quick to tell us what we are doing right as parents, and they don't offer a lot of advice about how we could be doing better
- they do not give us advice unless we ask for it
- if we ask for their advice, they willingly give us clear advice and it is based on Christian morals
- they have toys for our children at their house; they bought a new crib, have a saucer, a new high chair, etc.
- they are safe with our children, and they don't have unsafe things they try to make us use with our children (i.e. an old "special" crib that no longer meets safety standards, an old "special" high chair that they have to be tied in to to use, etc.)
- they follow all the rules we have for our children, and they never pass judgment on us about whether they think the rules are right or necessary; they don't ask for an explanation of the rules either (for instance, when I put out a schedule for them to follow with our kids if they are taking care of them, they do exactly what we say, rather than thinking..."maybe I'll just move the nap time" or "I'll just give the kids more than 1 glass of juice, that's a silly rule", etc.)
- they realize that as parents, we are going to do some things just like them, but we may do some things differently as well - and that doesn't bother them (or if it does, we don't know it)
- they don't pressure us to leave the kids with them alone or bring them to their house; they are always willing to come to our house to watch the kids
- they support our ideas and dreams
- they don't keep score of what we've done with the in-laws compared to what we've done with them
- they work to get along well with all of the in-laws
- they take us out to eat and they always insist on paying (I don't think they should do this every time, but we really appreciate the gesture, especially earlier on in our marriage when we really couldn't afford to eat out sometimes and were too embarassed to say so)
- they offer to watch the kids for us on our anniversary and on our birthdays, so we can go on a date without the burden of finding/paying for a babysitter
- my mom comes to help after we've had a baby, and she gets up during the night with the baby (we bottle feed) so we can have a full night's rest on the nights she comes)
- my mom calls once a week or so, just to talk
- my parents don't get angry or upset if we don't send cards before or on their birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. (we always send the cards eventually, but many times they are late)
- my dad is a calm, solid "rock" in a time of crisis; he comes right away; he'll change any schedule he had to be there; he is strong; he is dependable; and his strength comes from God
- they tell us what they love about our children, and they don't tell us the problems they see or notice about our children
- if we confess we're having trouble with some aspect of parenting, they don't make us feel stupid, like they have all the answers about how to do it and like they never had that problem with us when we were kids (i.e. "Why isn't your 3 year old totally potty-trained yet" and "this is all you have to do, it's easy; we never had trouble with that")
- they don't act like they always had life all together and never made mistakes (i.e. "when I had my babies, I only gained 15 pounds when I was pregnant; I left the hospital wearing the same jeans I wore before I was pregnant")
- they don't have favorites...daughters, son-in-laws, grandchildren...or if they do have favorites, we don't know it; they always spend the same amount of money on us at Christmas, they come to watch all of our babies, they call us equally, they think all their kids, son-in-laws, and grandchildren are great...and we all know it because they compliment us (in a sincere way) to our face and "behind our back" (that's a good thing when you're talking about compliments)
- they support our homeschooling, even though they may not totally agree with every aspect of it
- they meet us to go out at a town in between their home and our home so we only have to drive halfway to get there
- they ask us what we would like them to get for gifts for our children, and then they always get what we've asked for or give us money to get it for them to give (as opposed to asking for a list of gift ideas and getting nothing off of it, or getting something we'd think inappropriate - such as toys/books that promote t.v. shows/characters we don't appove of)
- they always come to our children's birthday parties and offer to bring whatever we need to help out (chairs, card tables, trays, a salad, etc.)
- my dad prints pictures for me of our family get-togethers when I often wouldn't get it done
- when they upgraded furniture or appliances, they gave us their old ones for free if we wanted them (as opposed to offering them and then asking for money, or giving them away to someone else, or being upset if we chose not to take them up on their offer)
- when we need help with painting, moving, staining, varnishing - whatever - they always come to help, they don't have advice on how it should be done unless we ask, they work hard by our side until the task is done without complaining, and they don't keep bringing it up after they've done it like we owe them
- they don't try to "fix" our kids or correct them
- when they watch our children for us, they discipline our children in the same manner that we do, for the things that we discipline them for
- they always have time to talk to us, to see us, to know us; we are a huge part of their life even now that we are adults
- they don't take our side (meaning their daughters' side) over their sons-in-law's side in a disagreement; if we come to them for advice, they are quick to give respect and honor to both sides and often just try to "stay-out-of-it"
- they are positive people, full of life, and still loving each other so much; family still means the world to them, and they still put family before more selfish interests; there is not that feeling that "they raised their kids, and now it's time for them to really enjoy life"; they enjoy life now; they enjoy their family now; and they still live by example rather than by "talk"
WHEW! Alright, now I've convinced myself I will NEVER be able to do this as well as them when my children are adults. I'd better hang on to this list...I'm going to need it.
Today's "Life's Little Moment": Consider what your parents are doing right, and try to emulate it.
Have you had a "life's little moment" such as this? Any helpful advice for parents who are now grandparents? I'm very interested in this topic. Give me some ideas if you have some.
Love in Christ,
Julie Grosz
Comments
• Mar. 20, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by spunkyhomeschool
Excellent list and advice. My parents sound very similar to yours. I don't think I have much to add.
• Mar. 23, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by Leigh2
How wonderful! Can your parents adopt me? LOL
I've enjoyed reading your blog! I am going to try and make my own list of things that my mom and in-laws are doing right. We have very different relationships, though...and sadly, more problems. Most of the things that you listed, when you said "instead of....", that's what we deal with. I'm praying for better relationships with our families!
• Mar. 23, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Thank you for this post. It really made me think about some things. Desiring to be more thankful...
Heidi
http://destinationgloryland.blogspot.com/
• Mar. 23, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by chickadee
that was great. some of your points brought tears to my eyes. what a wonderful tribute to your family.
