This is one of those entries that is coming from my heart (and I think a little bit from my head) and is really a plea for some feedback from you.  I have been struggling over the past few weeks with something and the truth is I am having a difficult time making heads or tails of this.

For years now I have understood the importance of family and my place in my family.  I have been a strong proponent of putting family first and following the biblical blueprint for being a wife and a mother.  Obviously, having our children home to educate them was a decision that my husband and I made in order to disciple them more efficiently.  And yes, it is working.  I do not regret that decision at all.  Nor do I regret being a wife and mother of a large family.  The truth is - I really do love my life!

So, where am I having difficulty?  It's in the area of ministry.  Allow me to explain.  First, I know that my primary ministry is to my husband and children.  I know that there is nothing else that can replace my family and my success in any other ministry depends on whether or not I am first taking care of my home.  I know all of this.  But here is my question, how do I know when enough is enough?  How do I decide when I have taken on too much or when what I once did with ease is now overwhelming and I should back out?

There are a number of things that I participate in that are extremely important to me.  Each one of them is a form of "ministry" and each one of them is an offshoot of family.  I could work at home and work within these ministries with very little problem (albeit with much planning), but with each new child I am finding it more and more difficult to continue.  Each time I think that I have figured out a way of moving forward, I discover that I am pregnant again.  More than anything I want my large family and would be ecstatic to have 10 or more kids - seriously.  But the closer I get to that goal, the harder it is to hold on to other things that I do.

We are not talking about whether or not to continue as the girl scout troop leader, that would be a much easier decision to make.  Instead, I am trying to decide between - Deaf Ministry (only 4 interpreters in the church and I teach the deaf Sunday School class); Married Couples Ministry (I have chaired the committee for the past 12+ years); Nursery Ministry (an elected position with another 2 years left in the current term); occassionally I conduct a workshop in our Youth Church, but that truly is sporadic.

See, it doesn't seem like much when listed, but it feels like way too much for me now.  I am concerned that I will either hold on to more than I can handle or that I'll choose to quit something that I shouldn't.  It is welcoming to think that I can just walk away from everything else and concentrate fully on my family, but I don't know if I really believe that.  The idea that God wants us to become inactive in outside ministries when we think it conflicts with family seems like an easy route to slothfulness or laziness.  At the same time, I know that I have to guard myself against things that are good to do when it means that I am not doing what I should at home.

I am really having a tough time with this.  I have talked it over with my husband and he feels just as lost as I do.  He feels most of the pressure on his job which is taking a tremendous toll on his family time.  But he can't just walk away from his job.  Help!  Has either of you felt like this?  How did you reach a conclusion?  What scriptures helped you?  I am sure that the answer is already in my head somewhere, but I can't find it.  I don't want to yield to the Lord less than He expects of me, nor do I want to allow pride or my need not to disappoint people to keep me working in places that I need to really let go.

Thanks for reading and if you have any insight (even opinions), I welcome them!